Left Behind
by madeleine68
Summary: Olivia starts high school and meets Elliot. Twenty years later, they meet again. Olivia's having a lot of trouble . . . Then she finds out she's being stalked. Eventual E/O. THE FINAL CHAPTER IS UP! Please review.
1. Chapter 1

In high school, everything was about what you had – in other words, what your parents could afford to buy you. You needed designer jeans, high heeled boots, an assortment of different flats, and a pair of earrings to match each outfit.

Olivia Benson didn't even have her ears pierced. She had one pair of shoes, a tattered pair of sneakers that were several sizes too small. She came to school in oversized t-shirts she'd picked up from thrift shops and ratty cutoffs she'd been given from the Salvation Army. Her coat was a heavy, black hand-me-down from the neighbor's son, who had given her his old coat because he'd felt sorry for her.

In other words, Olivia Benson was not cool. In fact, she was the farthest thing from it.

When Olivia had started ninth grade, she had been optimistic. Here, she could have a fresh start, maybe make some friends. Yet this was not to be. The kids still mocked her, teased her for being smart and for wearing the same old clothes three days in a row. She tried so hard to fit in, but to no avail.

As a child, she had been teased mercilessly. While other girls her age played with Barbies, had seen all the Disney Princess movies, and wanted everything sparkly and pink, Olivia spent her nights cleaning up after her mother after she'd had a heavy drinking binge and scurrying around so as not to bother her while she was hung over. She learned when she was in kindergarten how to do laundry, how to vacuum, how to make her own lunch. She was self-reliant and more independent than other kids her age on so she didn't fit in.

When she was six, her whole class had teased her because when she lost her first tooth, her teacher had asked her what she wanted from the tooth fairy. Olivia had looked perplexed. Her mother didn't believe in fairies and so she didn't know what one was. "What's the tooth fairy?" she had asked her teacher.

Everyone had laughed at her for not knowing.

Another time, the other kids had taunted her for weeks when her mother had shown up drunk for parent-teacher conferencing and then passed out in front of her classmates, their parents, and her teacher.

So Olivia kept to herself. After all those episodes, she'd learned caution. She realized that other mothers weren't like hers and she would only be teased if others found out about her mother's drinking.

So she kept the secret.

She hid bruises inflicted by her mother during a drunken rage under layers of clothing, made excuses for every single parent-teacher meeting, pushed herself as hard as she could, threw herself into her schoolwork. It gave her a needed escape.

When Olivia's class had put on a Christmas skit in grade one, her mother was the only one not there. Olivia was the only kid who couldn't go on the fourth grade ski trip because her mother had been too drunk to sign the permission form.

At her eighth grade graduation, when the teachers were handing out diplomas, Olivia's name was met with polite applause. Her mother was nowhere to be seen. Her dress had been black, unstylish and patched, a gift from the Salvation Army. It was too short and too tight. The other girls had been wearing spaghetti strapped dresses in pink, purple and blue. Their dresses were elegant and sophisticated, sparkly and elegant, showing off their perfect figures. Olivia was short and underdeveloped for her age and her dress did not flatter her as much as the other girls' dresses flattered them. Her classmates had mocked Olivia all night and she had sat at a table by herself, running her hands through her messy brown hair and trying not to show how hurt she was when she saw the other kids dancing, laughing, chatting together. Once again, she was alone.

Her teacher had found her crying after the party. Ms. Ellis had taken pity on the child and given her a ride home, rather than letting her walk in the dark late at night. Olivia had arrived to find her mother in a drunken rage and had been beaten on her special night.

But Olivia tried not to mind. Even when her mother got drunk and hit her, she was still her mother and Olivia still loved her.

A group of girls walked by Olivia, pointing at her and tittering. They were carbon copies of each other, tall and slender, blonde and tan. With their Gucci handbags and Valentino blouses, they seemed to delight in picking on Olivia.

They jostled her as they passed, muttering, "Loser."

Olivia put her head down and tried to ignore the hot tears that pricked her eyes. Instead she shifted her books in her arms and hurried to her first class.

At Olivia sat down in her seat in the front row, she tried not to listen to the whispering that started when she entered the room.

". . . She looks like a boy . . ."

". . . She wore those clothes yesterday . . ."

". . . She looks like she just got out of bed . . ."

" . . . Does she _want _to look like a homeless person or is she just too lazy to actually make an effort? . . ."

The comments stung, even though Olivia should have been used to them by now.

Olivia ran a hand through her rumpled brown hair as her science teacher walked into the room. "Good morning, class," he droned. The kids ignored him, as usual.

A pretty, popular girl sitting behind Olivia, named Grace, raised her hand primly. "Excuse me, Mr. Jackson," she said. "Can I please switch seats?"

The teacher adjusted his spectacles. "Why?"

"Because something really _smells_." She melodramatically pinched her nose as if she smelled something disgusting. "Oh, wait a second. I think it's _Olivia_. Olivia, when was the last time you had a bath?"

"Probably more recently than you," replied Olivia sweetly. "Or do you just naturally smell like a dead pig?"

"Mr. Jackson!" exclaimed Grace. "Did you _hear _what she just _said_?"

The teacher was not amused. He pointed to the door. "Office, Olivia. Now."

Olivia got up and pushed in her chair. She stalked off toward the office, fuming. Why did she always get into trouble when she was only trying to defend herself? It wasn't fair.


	2. Chapter 2

Olivia plopped down on a chair in the office.

"Back again?" asked the secretary.

Olivia nodded sourly.

The secretary pursed her lips. "The vice-principal will see you in a few minutes."

Olivia sighed and traced her finger mindlessly over the back of the chair she was sitting on, still furious at Grace and her teacher. She wondered how much trouble she could get in before they called her mother. She certainly didn't want that, but this incident wasn't her fault. It wasn't fair. Grace should have been the one sent down to the office, not her. But all the teachers loved Grace and her little group of friends, Amy, Andrea, Brianna, and Danielle. No one ever saw through their pretty charade. Olivia was always the one who got punished.

The vice-principal, Ms. Alexander, beckoned Olivia to follow her into her office. Olivia sat down in a chair across from the vice-principal and waited.

Ms. Alexander didn't say anything for what felt like an eternity, and Olivia started to worry. Was the vice-principal going to call her mother? Would she suspend her? Would she hit her?

Olivia broke the tense silence by whispering, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say it. I spoke without thinking. I'm sorry. I'll apologize to Grace. Just please, please don't call my mother."

Ms. Alexander still stayed silent and Olivia rushed on. "I know I shouldn't have done it but she – I lost my temper. Please don't hit me."

Ms. Alexander looked concerned. "Olivia, I'm not going to hit you. Why would you even think that?"

Olivia looked at the ground and shrugged. "I don't know."

"Okay. I actually wanted to talk to you about something else."

Olivia was immediately on her guard. "What?"

"I just noticed that you were by yourself a lot. Well, actually, your teachers mentioned it. And I was wondering if you were all right."

Now it was Olivia's turn not to answer.

"Is everything okay at home?" pressed the vice-principal.

Olivia nodded. "I'm fine."

"Do you ever feel . . . lonely?" asked Ms. Alexander.

Olivia suppressed a laugh. "Isn't this guidance's job?"

Ms. Alexander nodded. "All right. You can go back to class."

Olivia shook her head. "I don't want to. Can I stay here?"

The vice-principal hesitated, then conceded. "Fine. Sit out on that chair until you're ready to go back to class."

Olivia retreated to the main office again and sat on a chair, aimlessly kicking her feet until the secretary told her to stop.

"If you're not going to do anything productive, go back to class."

Olivia shot the secretary a dirty look, but got up and walked back to her classroom.

As she entered the room, the whole class stopped what they were doing to stare at her. "Back again?" said Brianna, unable to hide the disappointment and resentment in her voice.

Olivia didn't take the bait. She just lowered her eyes and went to sit down.

Mr. Jackson cleared his throat and glared at Olivia. "As I was saying _before_ Olivia so kindly interrupted us, there can only be one variable in an experiment, otherwise it will be inaccurate."

Olivia took out a piece of lined paper and dated it. She started to copy the notes off the board, trying to ignore the titters coming from behind her.

When the bell finally rang, Olivia rushed to math class, trying to avoid the girls. However, Brianna and Amy came up behind her. "Olivia," said Brianna melodramatically. "You _must_ do something about that hair of yours. It makes you look like a shaggy dog. You could be really pretty if you tried, but hmm . . . you'd need new clothes, you'd need to cut your hair, you'd need to lose ten pounds . . ."

"Only if I wanted to be a toothpick, like you," replied Olivia peevishly.

"Well, sweetheart," said Amy with a sigh. "We're only trying to help you, you know. You have so much _potential _that you just shouldn't waste it."

"You could even have a boyfriend," added Brianna, putting her hand on Olivia's arm.

Olivia flinched and shook her off. "I don't want a boyfriend."

Amy laughed. "That's good, because you're not going to get one any time soon."

"Leave me alone, Amy," pleaded Olivia.

"Why? It's _so_ much fun."

Olivia sidestepped the girls and tried to get to her next class, but Brianna stepped in front of her, blocking her way. "Olivia, you really need to wash your face and get those bangs out of your eyes."

Unexpectedly, she reached out to push Olivia's bangs away. Olivia stepped back and tried to bat Brianna's hand away, but moving her hair revealed a dark purple bruise on her face. Brianna gasped and moved back. "What did you _do_? Did you, like, fall out of a tree or something?"

"Or walk into a wall?" asked Amy. "I mean, someone as clumsy and stupid as you . . ."

"Leave me alone!" repeated Olivia.

"Or," said Brianna with a gleam in her eye. "Did someone hit you? Maybe your . . . mother? Were you being . . . bad? Did she have to spank you?" Brianna laughed. "Was she . . . drunk again? Is that what she does when she's drunk, Olivia? Maybe if she hit you more often, you'd be nicer and you wouldn't –"

That was it for Olivia. She extended her arm and punched Brianna hard in the face. Brianna doubled over and Olivia shoved her into a wall and continued to hit her, over and over, until a teacher came up behind her and pulled Olivia off. She shoved Olivia to the ground while she tended to Brianna.

"Look what that bitch did to me!" wailed Brianna, clutching her bleeding nose.

"I know, sweetheart," said the teacher. "You go down to the office and ask for an ice pack, okay, honey? I promise, she'll never do this again."

Brianna nodded. Amy followed her down to the office.

The teacher yanked Olivia up by the arm and half-dragged her to the office. "This one was in a fight," she told the secretary. "She needs to talk to Mr. Billings."

The secretary peered over her glasses. "Go right in."

Still seething, Olivia knocked on the door to the principal's office and went in. She sat down across from the principal. Rearranging her hair so it covered the bruise on her face, she glared at the principal.

"So, Olivia Benson," said Mr. Billings sternly. "What have you done?"

She looked at the ground and lost her nerve. "I – I'm sorry, sir. I didn't mean to hurt her. She antagonized me."

"There is never an acceptable reason to attack someone," said Mr. Billings. "I don't care _what _she said, but nothing gives you the right to hurt her. Ever. You know our zero tolerance policy, Olivia, so that means we're going to have to suspend you."

Olivia felt the ground crumbling beneath her. "Please, sir, don't do that."

"Olivia, you made the choice to hurt that girl. Now you're going to have to accept the consequences of your actions. I'm calling your mother and you're going to be suspended for a week."

"Mr. Billings, I promise I will never do this again, just please don't call my mother."

The principal ignored her and started dialing.


	3. Chapter 3

Mr. Billings sent Olivia out to the main office while he called her mother. She sat down in one of the hard plastic chairs and waited.

A few minutes later, a tall boy with brown hair came in with his mother. She started talking to the secretary and the boy sat down in a chair next to Olivia. He looked uneasy.

"You in trouble?" asked Olivia in a slightly antagonistic way.

The boy shook his head. "No. I'm new. We just moved here and my mom is registering me."

Olivia felt sorry for this boy. It was hard enough starting high school at the beginning of the year with everyone else, but she could imagine starting in the middle of the school year.

She held out her hand politely. "I'm Olivia."

He looked surprised for a moment at this gesture coming from a girl his own age, but then shook her hand. "I'm Elliot." He paused. "Are you in trouble?"

"No," she lied. "I'm sick."

He gave her a sly grin. "Sick or just stressed out?"

She groaned. "Is there a difference?"

Elliot laughed. "So are you going home?"

Olivia hesitated. "Yes. But maybe we'll be in some of the same classes when I get back." _If I survive that long._

"Okay. That would be good," said Elliot. He paused. "I could use a friend."

She laughed wryly. "You don't want to be friends with me."

He looked surprised. "Why not?"

At that moment, Olivia's mother walked in. her face was pale, her eyes bloodshot and unfocused.

Olivia's heart sank as her mother made a beeline toward her. She grabbed Olivia roughly by the shoulder and yanked her out of her chair. She didn't say anything, just dragged her daughter toward Mr. Billings' office. Olivia glanced back over her shoulder at Elliot, fear etched across her face. He watched them go. He could sense even then that something was wrong.

Olivia and her mother sat down in the principal's office. Olivia clasped her hands in a futile attempt to stop them from shaking. She was trembling from head to toe.

Mr. Billings cleared his throat. "Olivia, why don't you tell your mother what happened between you and Brianna?"

Olivia averted her eyes and said softly, "We got into a fight."

"What sort of fight?" prodded the principal.

"I – I hit her," mumbled Olivia.

"And what else did you do?"

Olivia looked at the ground. "I pushed her."

"Why did you do that?"

Olivia stuck her thumb in her mouth even though she was too old for such a childish habit. "Does it matter?"

Her mother slapped her hand away from her mouth. "Don't be rude," she admonished.

"Sorry," muttered Olivia. Then she continued in a robotic monotone, "There is never an acceptable reason to hit someone. I was wrong no matter why I did it."

Mr. Billings nodded approvingly. "That's right. Your mother is going to take you home now. While you're there, I want you to think about what you did and why it was wrong. I also want you to write an apology letter to Brianna."

Olivia nodded. Her mother grabbed her elbow and hurried her out of the office. Elliot stared at her as she passed and Olivia looked away in shame.

She saw Brianna on the way out, smirking. She gave Olivia a smug little wave. But Olivia was too focused on her mother's anger to even notice.

Her mother didn't speak until they got home. "Go to your room," she growled. "And stay there. I have some business to take care of, and I'll be up to deal with you when I'm done. And so help me, if you do anything like this ever again, you will be one sorry little girl."

Olivia turned and raced up to her room, dreading the punishment that would come later. This was the worst of her mother's tricks – making Olivia wait for her punishment was nothing short of torture.

To take her mind off it, Olivia decided to write Brianna the apology letter, just to get it over with. She took out a fresh piece of paper and wrote:

Dear Brianna,

I am sorry I hit you and pushed you.

She paused, unsure what to say next. She knew that one line would be insufficient, but what else was there to say? It wasn't like Brianna would care anyway. Nevertheless, she added:

I didn't mean to hurt you. I was just upset about what you said, but I was still wrong. I will never do it again.

Sincerely Olivia

She knew it wouldn't be good enough, but she couldn't think of anything to add. She knew her principal would read the note and she couldn't tell him what Brianna had said to her. This would have to suffice.

She started some math homework to distract her. Olivia liked math because numbers were reliable. In the world she lived in, very little else was.

After what felt like an eternity, her bedroom door creaked open and in walked Serena Benson.

Olivia took a deep breath and closed her eyes.


	4. Chapter 4

As her mother hit her, Olivia went somewhere else in her mind, somewhere that no one could hurt her or scare her. Here, she was loved and sheltered and safe.

Olivia had learned over the years that her body would be her friend if she let it. all she had to do was stay still and not fight back, and when the pain became too much for her to bear, her body would rescue her and take her to this safe haven. She would float up in the sky, away from her body, safe.

But when it was over, she crashed back down to earth. Her face was badly bruised, her eye was starting to swell, and there were angry red welts lining her arms. She was a mess.

Olivia dragged herself onto her bed and fell into a fitful sleep, laying on her stomach so as not to disturb the series of dark bruises that had accumulated on her back.


	5. Chapter 5

On Monday, when Olivia returned to school, she went straight down to Mr. Billings' office. Brianna was waiting with the principal, prim as a princess, sitting up straight with her right leg crossed neatly over her left and her clasped in her lap.

Olivia stood awkwardly in front of the principal, uncertain whether or not she should sit. She shifted from one foot to the other.

"Hello, Olivia," Mr. Billings greeted her. "I hope you thought about the severity of what you did. Do you have something to say to Brianna?"

Olivia looked at the ground. This was just plain cruel. Nevertheless, she mumbled, "I'm sorry, Brianna."

"For what?" Mr. Billings prompted.

"For hitting and pushing you," whispered Olivia.

Brianna snickered. "Well, it kind of hurt . . . you know, Amy and I were only trying to help you. But, well, I forgive you, because I can see you've been punished enough."

Olivia raised her hand self-consciously to her face, touching the bruises on her neck and her fading black eye. With Brianna's newfound ammunition, Olivia could tell that this was the beginning of a fresh war.

Mr. Billings made Olivia give Brianna the apology note and then sent them both back to class. The second they were out of the office, Brianna turned to Olivia, grinning wickedly. "Did your mom hit you?"

"Shut up," muttered Olivia, taking a deep breath, vowing not to lose her temper again.

Brianna smirked. "Bet she did. Bet you deserved it." She smiled smugly. "My mom never hits me."

"Shut _up_!" repeated Olivia.

"She says she's lucky to have such a good daughter as me," continued Brianna. "She says only bad kids' parents hit them and I agree."

Tears stung Olivia's eyes because she knew what Brianna was saying was true. She was bad and that was why her mother had to hit her. She deserved every smack.

She blinked back the tears and opened the door to her science classroom.

When Olivia entered the room, she got a shock. The boy she'd met in the office – Elliot – was sitting in the front row, in the seat next to hers! He grinned at Olivia and gave her a wave. She immediately perked up and parked herself in the seat beside him.

"Hey, Olivia," he greeted her. "Feeling better?"

That almost set her off again, but Olivia managed a curt nod. "Made any friends yet?"

"Yeah, one."

"Oh," she said sarcastically. "Who?"

He looked at her as if she was an idiot. "You."

Olivia smiled in spite of herself. "What do you want from me?"

He shrugged noncommittally. "To be your friend. Is that all right?"

She sighed. "Like I said, you don't want a friend like me."

"Why not? Don't you want to be my friend?"

She did. More than anything else in the entire world. Which was why she had to warn him now. "I'm different from other kids."

"I know," said Elliot simply. "And that's what I love about you."

She felt a warm blush creeping into her cheeks. "Really?"

"Of course," answered Elliot. "You're not like any other girl I've ever met."

Olivia laughed. "You don't even know me!"

He shrugged. "But I want to."

She laughed again. "Okay. You win."

"Friends?"

"Friends."

Olivia took out a piece of lined paper and wrote her name at the top of the page. "What were we doing?" she whispered to Elliot.

"Doing conversions from standard form to scientific notation." He made a face. "Boring, pointless work."

Olivia giggled. "Agreed. Can I copy the note?"

Elliot obediently opened his binder and handed her the page. His binder was red and black and had lightning bolts on the front.

"That's a cool binder," Olivia commented.

Elliot smiled. "Thanks. My dad got it for me."

Olivia turned away from him, feeling a sense of loss she hadn't felt in a long time. Elliot had gone out with his father to buy something. Olivia had never done that with her father; she had never even _met_ her father.

Elliot noticed Olivia's discomfort. "What's the matter?"

She sighed. "I don't have a father."

He rolled his eyes. "Of course you do. Everyone has a father. First grade sex ed., Einstein."

"I never met my father."

"Oh. Did he die?"

"No." She swallowed and decided to reveal something to Elliot that she'd never told anyone in her life. "He raped my mom. That's how I was born."

Elliot didn't know what to say. "Wow, that's awful. But sometimes good things can come out of the bad. After all, you're here."

She punched him lightly in the arm. "That is the corniest thing I have ever heard anyone say."

He laughed. "Nah, just trying to make you feel better."

"Nah, you're just flirting with me." She realized with a start that this was exactly what it was. No boy had ever been interested in her before, but she recognized Elliot's words for what they were. If anything, they comforted her.

"Yup," agreed Elliot cheerfully. "Is it working?"

She put her hand over her mouth to muffle the giggles as her teacher glared at the two kids.

Olivia copied out Elliot's notes. "You know," she whispered. "Your writing is pretty neat – for a boy."

"What's that supposed to mean?" he asked, offended.

She shrugged. "Boys just don't usually have neat writing."

"Okay," conceded Elliot. "Then you punch pretty hard – for a girl."

Olivia's face closed off immediately. It was as if Elliot's joking words had put up a barrier between them and Elliot didn't understand why.

Olivia looked at her hands. "I didn't mean to hurt you, Elliot. I would never try to hurt you."

"No, of course not." Elliot looked surprised. "You didn't. I was just kidding, Liv."

She looked up sharply. "What did you just call me?"

"Liv. Is that okay? As a nickname for Olivia."

Olivia smiled. "Sure. It's just – well, no one has ever given me a nickname before."

"Wow, really? My parents call me pet names all the time. Drives me crazy. And sometimes my friends – my old friends – called me El or Elly."

Olivia giggled. "Elly!"

"When I was little," amended Elliot quickly.

Olivia grinned. "Okay – Elly."

"Don't!" protested Elliot.

"Okay," said Olivia. "I won't." She finished copying the note.

The bell rang and Brianna, Grace, and Andrea followed Olivia into the hallway. She tried to sidestep them, but they surrounded her. "Glad you're back, Livvy," said Grace sweetly.

"Don't call me that," mumbled Olivia.

"Livvy, who's this?" asked Andrea, pointing to Elliot.

"This is Elliot," said Olivia coolly. "And he's been here for the last week. You just haven't noticed."

"Ooh, Elliot," said Brianna, moving closer to the boy and putting a hand on his chest. "Are you dating? Because, you know, I'm available."

"Brianna!" whispered Andrea. "What about Josh?"

Brianna shrugged. "He'll get over it. So, what do you say, Elliot?"

"No, thanks," said Elliot. "I'm taken."

Brianna looked surprised. "So who's the lucky lady?"

"Olivia."

"Olivia?" shrieked Andrea.

"Not _this_ Olivia!" cried Grace.

"Definitely not," agreed Brianna.

This was just as much news to Olivia as anyone, but she tried not to let it show. "Yes, this Olivia," she said nonchalantly.

"Well," conceded Grace. "I guess she is kind of pretty – if you like that ratty homeless person look."

"And a girl with a temper," added Brianna. "Look what she did to me." She rolled up her sleeve to show Elliot the marks Olivia had made during their fight.

Olivia looked down in shame. She was just like her mother now. She had hurt Brianna as her mother had hurt her, and now she was paying for it.

"But," said Andrea sweetly. "I guess you can't blame her, what with the example she has at home."

"Shut up!" screeched Olivia.

"What is she talking about?" Elliot asked Olivia.

"Oh, you mean your girlfriend hasn't told you yet about her mom?" said Grace.

"Her mom," said Brianna. "Is a drunk. And when she gets really angry, she –"

"You shut your mouth!" shouted Olivia, shaking. "You just shut your fucking mouth! You are the nastiest, bitchiest piece of shit that has ever walked this earth! You are –"

"Olivia!" a stern voice called, and Olivia's heart sank when she realized the principal was right behind her and had heard her entire outburst. He turned to the audience that had gathered around. "Move it, people. Get to class, unless you all want detentions." Olivia started to walk away, but Mr. Billings' harsh voice stopped her in her tracks. "Not you, young lady. I can see our little discussion has made little impact on you. My office. Now."


	6. Chapter 6

Olivia followed Mr. Billings to his office and sat down on a chair across from him.

"So, tell me what happened," he told her flatly.

Olivia looked at her hands. "I shouldn't have said it; I know, I know. She was just – teasing me."

"About what?"

She shrugged. "Same old, same old. About this guy who I kind of like. About my mom."

"What about your mom?"

Olivia didn't say anything.

"Olivia?" pressed the principal.

Olivia shrugged again. "Nothing in particular."

"Olivia, I think this has gone too far. We suspended you for a week and you come back today with an extreme amount of animosity toward this poor girl, swearing at her for no reason. I think you need help, Olivia. You seem to really have it in for Brianna and I want to know why."

"Because she –" started Olivia.

The principal's face purpled. He looked so angry that Olivia flinched, fearful he would hit her. "The problem is not Brianna, Olivia Benson! The problem is _you_!"

Olivia burst into tears. "So you think I'm bad too?"

"No, I think you're a disturbed child who needs some serious help."

Olivia put her head in her hands and continued to sob.

Mr. Billings sighed. "Go sit in the front office. I'm going to call guidance. I want you to talk to a counselor, Olivia. You need help. And I'm going to call your mother."

Olivia was too emotionally drained to protest. She mutely did as she was told.

Elliot passed by the office a few minutes later. He saw Olivia crying into her hands and came into the office. "Hey, Liv," he said. "What happened? And what was Brianna talking about when she said all that about your mom?"

Olivia lifted her head and looked him in the eye. "Brianna's full of crap. My mother never laid a hand on me."

Elliot sat down next to her, appraising his friend with new eyes. "Olivia, what happened to your eye?"

Olivia sighed. "Walked into a wall. What's it to you?"

"Are you sure your mother didn't hit you?"

"Of course not. Is that what Brianna said?"

Elliot hesitated. "Well . . . yes."

"If you're just here to give me hell, then get lost," snapped Olivia.

Elliot looked hurt. "Hey, I'm your friend. I just want to help. But if nothing's wrong, then nothing's wrong, and I'm sorry."

Olivia burst into tears again. She had never had such a friend.

Elliot put his hand on Olivia's shoulder. She flinched, but didn't push his hand away. It should have felt awkward, but it didn't. Elliot's touch felt just right.


	7. Chapter 7

The principal came out of his office and furrowed his brow when he saw Olivia and Elliot. Olivia had her head in her hands and Elliot had a comforting arm around her.

"What are you doing here?" Mr. Billings asked Elliot sternly. "Olivia is going to be punished for her actions and you are not permitted in this office."

Elliot got up and whispered to Olivia, "I have to go. But I'll meet you at your locker after school."

She looked up through a tear streaked face and managed a small smile. "Where's my locker?"

"I don't know. Why don't you tell me?"

She giggled. "403. Next to the math room."

"I will see you later," he told her.

Mr. Billings was watching her in displeasure. "When you are in the office, you are not to invite your boyfriend."

Olivia hung her head, biting back a retort. She followed the principal down to the guidance office. "Go on in to Ms. Stanton," said Mr. Billings,

Olivia walked into the guidance office with her head held high, trying to pretend this wasn't killing her inside. She sat down in a hard, plastic chair across from Ms. Stanton and said nothing.

"Hello, Olivia," said the guidance counselor.

Olivia chose a spot on the carpet and stared at it. She didn't say anything.

"So, do you want to tell me what happened?"

Olivia shook her head.

"Well, I'm sorry, Olivia, but you're not leaving until you talk to me."

Olivia drummed her fingers and looked away.

"Do you want to tell me about your boyfriend?" tried the counselor.

Olivia blocked out Ms. Stanton's voice and concentrated on how close Elliot had been and how good it had felt. His fingers sent shivers up her spine.

"Do you want to tell me about your mother?" pressed Ms. Stanton.

Olivia looked at her hands.

"Well, Olivia, we're not going anywhere until you talk. I'm perfectly happy to sit here all day."

Olivia opened her mouth to snap back, but closed it, knowing that saying something would be futile and perhaps even detrimental.

"Olivia." The counselor's voice came again. "What happened to your eye?

When Olivia didn't answer, Ms. Stanton gave up. They sat in silence for what like an eternity.

The bell rang and Olivia got up. "I have to go."

"Sit down. You're not going anywhere until we talk."

Tears pricked Olivia's eyes at the hopelessness of this situation. "I – I have to meet someone."

"Who?"

"Elliot."

"Who's Elliot?"

"A friend, okay? Can I go now?"

"No. Tell me about Brianna."

Ms. Stanton had her and Olivia knew it. "She's picked on me since kindergarten, okay? She's the most horrible girl I've ever met."

"What did she do to you?"

"Teased me."

"About what?"

"Being different. Being smart. Everything. Now can we do this another time? I just lost it. I got fed up. I couldn't take it anymore. I'm sorry. I'll do whatever. Can I leave?"

Ms. Stanton sighed. "Fine. Come see me sometime, okay? I think you need someone to talk to."

Olivia nodded slightly and leapt out of her chair. She raced out of the guidance office and arrived at her locker out of breath. Elliot was casually leaning against it with his hands in his pockets. "Finally you get here. I was wondering if you'd stood me up."

She sighed. "Thanks for waiting."

He smiled. "No problem. Hey, are you walking home?"

Olivia nodded. "Yup."

"May I accompany you?" he asked politely.

She smiled. "Sure. Just give ma a sec."

Elliot moved over so Olivia could open her locker. She packed her bag and grabbed her coat. The two of them walked out the door together.

"Where do you live?" asked Olivia.

Elliot gave her his address, which was about twenty minutes away from the school. Olivia was disappointed that he lived so far from her.

They chatted about menial things on the way to Elliot's house. Elliot told Olivia about his family, his parents, his old school, etc.

"What about your mom?" Elliot asked her.

Olivia shrugged. "What about her?"

"Well, let's see. You've told me what you know about your dad and I've told you about my family, but you haven't said anything about your mother. What's she like?"

"I don't want to talk about her," said Olivia. She changed the subject. "What's your favorite school subject?"

"I like science. What about you?"

"Math or maybe English."

They reached Elliot's apartment building. "Hey, Liv, do you want to come in? You can stay for dinner," he offered.

Olivia thought about it. She wanted it so much, but her mom would be mad. Then she made up her mind. She wasn't going to be scared of what her mother might or might not do. She was going to go into her friend's house and not worry about anything. "Sure, Elliot. That would be great."


	8. Chapter 8

Olivia followed Elliot up the elevator to his apartment, which was on the fifth floor. He unlocked the door and let them in, calling, "Mom, I'm home!"

"Hi, sweetie!" she called back.

"I brought a friend over," he told her. "Don't disturb us."

Olivia laughed.

Elliot's mother came out of her bedroom, carrying a laundry basket filled with folded towels. "So this is your friend?"

Although Mrs. Stabler didn't look displeased, Olivia felt self-conscious. She held out her hand to Elliot's mother. "I'm Olivia. It's nice to meet you, ma'am."

Mrs. Stabler smiled warmly. "It's nice to meet you, too. I'm glad Elliot's made a friend, especially one with such lovely manners."

Olivia smiled back, feeling a surprising sense of ease, here with her friend and his mother.

Elliot dropped his backpack in the front hall. "What's for dinner, Mom?"

His mother laughed. "Is that all teenage boys ever think about? We're making pizza."

"Can Olivia stay for dinner?"

Mrs. Stabler smiled. "Sure."

Elliot led Olivia into his bedroom. His room was messy so he pushed aside binders and CDs to clear a pathway and perched on his bed. Olivia sat down on the floor, looking around the room. She had never been in a boy's bedroom before. Elliot's room was painted blue and he had sports posters on his walls. He had his own computer that sat on his desk, surrounded by an assortment of papers. On his dresser was a picture of him at his grade eight graduation with his class.

"Want to play a game?" asked Elliot.

Olivia smiled. "Sure. What do you have?"

He opened up a cupboard to reveal a pile of games. "Let's see . . . we have chess, checkers, Monopoly, Life, trivial pursuit, Clue, and Boggle."

"Wow," said Olivia. "That's a lot of games. Um, do you want to play chess?"

Elliot shrugged. "Sure."

He took out the game and started to set it up. Olivia took the white pieces and Elliot took the black ones.

"Are you good at chess?" Elliot asked.

Olivia shrugged. "Haven't played it in a long time. The girl next door who used to babysit me taught it to me when I was eight."

Elliot nodded. "You go first."

Olivia moved a pawn forward two squares. "Your mom seems nice," she commented.

Elliot moved his knight and made a face. "Try living with her. I know she loves me, but sometimes it's too much, you know?"

Olivia didn't know, but she nodded anyways and moved her bishop into a corner.

"What about your mom?" Elliot asked again, capturing her bishop with his queen.

"What about her?"

"Is she one of those helicopter parents too?"

Olivia shrugged and moved her queen to get rid of Elliot's knight. "Not really." _Not at all._

Elliot moved his rook to put Olivia in check. "Lucky."

"What about your dad?" asked Olivia, blocking the check with her knight.

"He's a police officer. He wants me to follow in his footsteps."

"Do you want to?"

Elliot shrugged. "I don't know what I want to do. What about you?"

"I don't know either, but I want to help people."

"What kind of people?"

"People with problems. People who need help."

"Like a shrink?"

Olivia giggled and moved her queen to put Elliot in check. "No! Not like that at all."

"It might be cool to be a detective," said Elliot. He gave Olivia a sly smile. "Checkmate."


	9. Chapter 9

"Elliot! Olivia!" called Mrs. Stabler from the kitchen. "Do you want to help me make some pizza?"

"Sure!" replied Elliot. "Come on, Liv."

Olivia followed Elliot into the kitchen. Mrs. Stabler handed Olivia a hair elastic. "Put your hair up so it doesn't get in your way," she said. "Wash your hands, both of you."

Mrs. Stabler took out yeast, flour, and water and set them on the table. "Have you ever made pizza before, Olivia?" she asked.

Olivia shook her head.

"I'll help her," offered Elliot, taking the yeast and dumping it in a large blue mixing bowl. He added the water and handed the bowl to Olivia. "Mix."

Olivia took a spoon and started to stir the mixture. Elliot dumped in some flour. "Keep stirring," he told her.

Olivia continued to mix the food until it was too stiff to stir anymore. Then she handed the bowl to Elliot, who took the dough out of the bowl and immersed it in more flour. He started to knead it expertly with his hands.

"So, Olivia," said Elliot's mother conversationally. "Do you like school?"

Olivia nodded. "Yes, ma'am."

Mrs. Stabler smiled. "What's your favorite subject?"

"Math, or maybe English."

"Do you have any brothers or sisters?"

"Mom!" said Elliot, continuing to work the dough with his hands. "What's with the third degree?"

Mrs. Stabler raised her hands in surrender. "Hey, hey! Cool it, El."

Olivia giggled. "It's okay."

The apartment door opened and Elliot's father walked in. "Hey, buddy," he said to Elliot as he took off his shoes. "What are you doing?"

"We're making pizza!" called Mrs. Stabler. "Elliot has a friend over. Her name's Olivia."

Mr. Stabler came into the kitchen. "Hey, sweetie," he said to his wife, giving her a kiss. He turned to his son. "How was school?"

Elliot shrugged. "It's _school_, Dad."

"And you must be Olivia," said Elliot's father.

"It's nice to meet you, sir," said Olivia politely, holding out her hand.

Mr. Stabler shook her hand. "It's nice to meet you, too."

"We're making pizza," Elliot told him.

His father laughed. "I can see that."

"Do you want to help?"

"Sure."

Elliot was done with the dough so he handed it to his mother, who put it in the oven. They started to take out the other ingredients.

"What do you like on your pizza, Liv?" Elliot asked her.

Olivia shrugged. "It doesn't matter."

"We usually have one side just cheese and one with pepperoni, bacon, and mushrooms. Is that okay?"

Olivia nodded. "That's fine."

They assembled the rest of the ingredients and then sat down at the table to wait for the pizza dough to be ready, Elliot and his dad chatted about Elliot's day at school and Mrs. Stabler asked Olivia about her family. Olivia tried to evade the question as best she could.

"What do your parents do for a living?"

Olivia shifted uncomfortably. "My mom's a bartender."

"And your dad?"

"I don't have one." She looked at Elliot, who was laughing with his father, and amended. "Well, I mean, I do, but I don't know him."

"Oh, that's too bad. Do you have any brothers or sisters?"

Olivia shook her head. "It's just me."

"You and your mom must be really close, then."

Olivia felt a sudden longing for a mother like Elliot's, rather than her own. She didn't say anything.

The pizza dough was done and Mrs. Stabler took it out of the oven. They started to spread tomato sauce on the dough. Olivia sprinkled on the cheese, Elliot added the pepperoni, Mrs. Stabler put on the mushrooms, and Mr. Stabler did the bacon. Then Mr. Stabler put the pizza in to bake.

Elliot set the table and Olivia helped him while Elliot's parents chatted.

When the pizza was ready, Mrs. Stabler sliced it into pieces. Everyone sat down at the table and Olivia took a slice of pizza onto her plate. She ate it in silence while the Stablers talked, savoring the moment. _This is what family feels like._

When they were done eating, Olivia and Elliot helped clean up. Then Olivia said reluctantly, "I should probably go home now. My mother will be wondering where I am. Thank you for inviting me over, Elliot."

"Oh, sweetie, it's getting dark outside," said Mrs. Stabler. "It isn't safe for you to be walking home. Here, I'll drive you."

Olivia hesitated. "I can walk. I don't want to be any trouble."

"It's not any trouble," Mrs. Stabler assured her. "Elliot, do you want to come with?"

Elliot nodded and started to put on his shoes and coat. Olivia did the same and they followed Mrs. Stabler out to the car. Olivia and Elliot climbed into the backseat.

Olivia gave Elliot's mother the directions to her house. When they reached Olivia's dingy apartment, she looked at her hands in shame. She hadn't wanted the Stablers to see the building in which she lived because it was so different from their homey, comfortable apartment.

"Would you like me to walk you in?" Mrs. Stabler asked.

"She's not a baby, Mom," said Elliot.

"That's okay, Mrs. Stabler," said Olivia. "Thank you for the ride."

"It was a pleasure having you over," replied Mrs. Stabler.

"See you tomorrow, Liv!" Elliot called after her as she started to get out of the car.

"See you," echoed Olivia, closing the door and taking a deep breath. Now she was ready to face her mother.


	10. Chapter 10

The next morning, Olivia had drama first period. Elliot was in her class, for which she was profoundly grateful.

She dressed herself gingerly, being careful not to disturb the red welts that had gathered on her back from the beating she had received the previous night. She had just enough money for a subway ticket, so she rode to school.

She hurried toward the drama room and sat down on the wooden bench with a book in her lap.

Elliot entered the room just as the bell was ringing, so they didn't get a chance to talk. Their drama teacher, Mr. Stevens, stood in front of the class and said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we are going to play a game today. Everyone find a partner." Olivia turned toward Elliot but Mr. Stevens shook his head at them. "No. Olivia, you be with Danielle. Elliot, you be with Jacob."

Olivia groaned but obediently faced Danielle as Mr. Stevens explained the rules. "Person A is going to be the sculptor and Person B is going to be the clay. Person A had to mold person B into a shape. Person B must remain completely limp unless Person A moves them."

Olivia felt her body tense. She hated being touched, and her anxiety was heightened when Danielle said sweetly, "You can be the clay."

Olivia took a deep breath and stood as still as she could.

Danielle took Olivia's arm and she instinctively flinched and stepped back. "Stay still!" rebuked Danielle.

Olivia moved forward reluctantly and hung her arms limply. Danielle put her hand on Olivia's back and Olivia couldn't stop a cry of pain from escaping. Danielle was touching right where the welts were.

Danielle let out a cry of frustration. "You know what, Olivia Benson? You're crazy. I can't do this with you. Go find another partner."

Olivia buried her head in her hands and went to sit off to the side. Touching frightened her, made her think of her mother's abuse. She couldn't help the fear, irrational as it was.

"Switch partners, people! Get back up there, Olivia!" bellowed Mr. Stevens.

Olivia ran toward Elliot. "Hey, Liv," he said. "Here, you be the clay."

Olivia wanted to protest, but she decided she would have to try again. Her body tensed but she tried to stay still.

Elliot gently took her arm. Olivia flinched involuntarily. His hand was too close, and she recoiled.

"Liv?" Elliot said. "Are you okay?"

Olivia looked at the ground. "Sorry," she whispered.

But he wasn't angry, just concerned. "What's the matter, Olivia?"

"Nothing. I'm fine," she replied softly.

"Liv, what happened to your face? Did someone hurt you?"

Olivia began to cry. "Don't, Elliot. Please."

"Come here." He pulled Olivia into a hug and it felt so good that she wasn't even uncomfortable. She cried into his shoulder for a moment and Elliot stroked her hair, whispering words of comfort in her ear.

"Mr. Stevens," he said to the teacher, still holding Olivia. She felt safe in his embrace. "Can Olivia and I go out into the hall for a few minutes? Please?"

"No," snapped Mr. Stevens. "Let go of her. Save the hugs and kisses for another time. Get back to what you were doing."

Elliot straightened his back and pulled himself up to his full height. "Mr. Stevens, I need to talk to Olivia. We are going into the hallway. Thank you."

Taking Olivia gently by the shoulder, he led her into the hallway and sat down with his arm around her. "Liv, what happened?"

"Mom," Olivia choked out.

"What about her, Liv?"

Olivia looked at her hands. "I can't tell you . . . but I can show you." She lifted her shirt to reveal a serious of angry welts and bruises that covered her belt.

Elliot gasped. "Your _mother_ did that to you?"

Olivia burst into a fresh round of sobbing and nodded. "With her belt. She was drunk. She was hitting me. I was so scared last night . . . I thought she was going to kill me!"

Elliot took her into his arms and held Olivia close. "Liv, I need to tell my dad about this. He's a police officer and he can help you."

Olivia laid her head on Elliot's shoulder. "No, El, you can't. I don't want to bring your family into this. You can't tell anyone. Please. She'll hurt me. She'll hurt you, and your parents. I don't want to be responsible for that."

"If I tell my dad, Liv, I promise you, no one will ever hurt you again. Your mom will go to prison, where she belongs. You don't have to worry about me or my parents, Liv. I promise, Liv, I'll keep you safe. I love you."

She looked up in surprise. "Elliot, you can't love me. You don't know me. I'm bad. That's why my mother hits me. Because I'm bad. I'm not good enough for you, El. You're so wonderful and you have a wonderful family and a wonderful house and a wonderful life. I don't belong in that picture."

"Oh, but Olivia, you do," said Elliot simply, stroking her hair. "Because you're wonderful too."


	11. Chapter 11

Elliot stayed with Olivia for the rest of the day. He told all his teachers that he had important business to attend to and sat with Olivia in the library, stroking her hair as she cried in his arms. He wanted to bring her home with him, but she refused, saying her mother would be angry if she wasn't home right away. Before she left, she made Elliot promise not to tell anyone. Against his better judgment, Elliot agreed.

But he worried all night about his friend. He was unusually quiet through dinner and his mother asked him what was wrong. "Is it about Olivia?"

Elliot shrugged his shoulders. He knew he should tell her, but at the same time, he didn't want to betray his friend's confidence.

His mother smiled ruefully. "Did she break your heart already?"

Elliot shook his head. "No, no. Nothing like that. I'm just worried about her."

His mother nodded. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"No. I promised her I wouldn't."

"Okay. Well, let her know she's welcome here whenever she wants or needs, and I would always be happy to listen if she ever needed to talk."

"Thanks, Mom," said Elliot. "I'll tell her."

Elliot's mother paused. "You really care about this girl, don't you?"

Elliot nodded. "Yes. She's not like any other girl I've ever met before. She's special."

His mother smiled. "Okay. Just be careful. And remember, you can always come to me."

"Thanks, Mom," repeated Elliot. He got up, put his bowl in the dishwasher, and went to his room. He needed to think.

* * *

The next morning, Elliot had made up his mind. He got to school early and sat in the science classroom, waiting for Olivia.

He let out a deep breath he hadn't even realized he'd been holding when Olivia entered the room twenty minutes later. She looked anxious, uncertain, unsteady on her feet, uncomfortable in her own skin.

Elliot stood up when he saw her. He noticed a fresh bruise on her cheek and winced. It was just the two of them in the classroom; they were at school early and their classmates hadn't arrived yet. "Olivia," said Elliot. "I need to talk to you."

Olivia pulled out her chair and sat down across from him. "Hey, Elliot," she said quietly.

"Liv, did your mom hurt you last night?" whispered Elliot.

Olivia looked at the ground and nodded.

Elliot sighed. "Olivia, I want to tell my parents."

"No, Elliot!" protested Olivia, hot tears pricking her eyes. She got up and pushed her chair in, pacing around the room. "You're such a baby, running to Mommy all the time. Your parents can't help me. End of story. God, I thought I could trust you!"

"You can," Elliot assured her hastily. "I didn't tell them anything. I told you, I wouldn't without asking you first. But Liv, you need help. I want to help you. I want you to be safe. I love you, Olivia."

"I love you, too," Olivia said, sighing. It was true. She did. And that was why she had to protect him. "I don't want you to get hurt."

"Liv," said Elliot. "Don't worry about me. Worry about you. You're the one who needs help. I promise you, Liv, we can keep you safe. No one will ever hurt you again if you tell."

"Yes, Elliot. Oh, God. Yes, she will. You don't know her. You haven't seen her. You haven't seen what she can do. Elliot, she could _kill _you! I couldn't live with myself if that happened."

"But, Liv," said Elliot quietly. "She could kill _you_. And I don't know what I'd do without you."

Olivia sighed. "You'd survive. But, oh, Elliot. I know I could never survive without you."


	12. Chapter 12

"Let me think about it, Elliot," whispered Olivia. Her head was spinning. If Elliot told his parents, they could help her. But on the other hand, her mother might hurt them – or her – even more if she found out Olivia hadn't kept the secret.

"Okay," he agreed. "You tell me tomorrow, okay? And Liv, please be careful."

She swallowed hard, a lump gathering in her throat at his concern. "Thanks, El."

Just then, the door opened. Brianna, Amy, and Grace walked in with Danielle and Andrea close behind. "Ooh," said Brianna. "Look here. The lovebirds are back."

"What's the matter, Livvy?" taunted Danielle. "Was Mommy hitting you again?"

Olivia stared at Danielle, wondering how she knew that. Elliot immediately stood. "Danielle, don't you dare say a word about things you know nothing about!"

"I know a hell of a lot, Elly," replied Danielle sweetly. "I know all about Olivia and her mommy. Livvy, you need your boyfriend to protect you now?"

"You shut up!" said Elliot, his temper rising.

"What? You going to hit me?" asked Danielle. "See, you're not, because you're a true man, and real men don't hit girls. Olivia, on the other hand, can hit all she likes, because she _is _a girl."

"Come on, Liv," said Elliot, taking her hand. "Let's go."

She allowed her friend to lead her out of the classroom and back to the library. He sat down at a table and she sat across from him. "El," she said. "I think I want you to tell. Tell your parents. I want to do this."

"Okay, Olivia. Do you want me to tell her or do you want to do it together?"

She hesitated. "Together."

"I'll call my parents now if you like. We can go down to the precinct with my dad and we can all talk. You're so brave, Liv."

Olivia smiled. "Call your mom. Have her pick us up."

Elliot stepped out into the hallway and made the call on his cell phone. Then he came back into the library. "Mom's coming," he told Olivia. "She said to be ready and waiting at the front in ten minutes."

Olivia swallowed, trembling in fear. "Okay. Thanks, Elliot."

Ten minutes later, the two of them were standing out in front of the school when Mrs. Stabler's black sedan pulled up. Elliot and Olivia climbed into the backseat. "Hey, Mom," said Elliot. "Thanks for coming."

"No problem," replied his mother. "Where are we headed?"

"To dad. To the precinct," answered Elliot.

"Okay."

They rode in silence for the ten minute drive. Olivia's heart was pounding in her chest and she was trembling in terror.

They reached the police station and got out of the car. Elliot grabbed onto Olivia's hand and squeezed it reassuringly. "It's going to be okay," he whispered. Even though Olivia was terrified, she believed him. This was all she had to go on.


	13. Chapter 13

The next thing Olivia knew, she was sitting in a conference room at the police station with the Stablers. Elliot was clutching her hand tightly and the grownups were watching her in silence, waiting for her to speak.

She took a deep breath and poured out the whole story. About her dad. About how her mother drank. About all the beatings and the bruises she had to hide. She told the Stablers everything.

When she was finished, she put her head in her hands and sobbed. It was killing Elliot to see his friend like this and he put his arm around Olivia, rubbing her back comfortingly.

The Stablers watched the two of them. They looked so perfect together that it was frightening. Their son really loved this girl.

Mr. Stabler broke the silence. "Olivia, thank you for telling us this. We're going to help you. I'm going to go over to your house to deal with your mom."

"Where am I going to stay?" whispered Olivia.

"With us, of course," replied Mrs. Stabler.

"Really?" asked Olivia, her face lighting up like she was a three-year-old in a candy store who had been told she could get whatever she wanted.

"While I'm at your house, do you want me to pick up some of your things for you?" asked Mr. Stabler.

Olivia hesitated. "There's not much there. Um, maybe some clothes?"

"Okay," said Elliot's father.

"Thank you."

"I'll take care of this right now," said Mr. Stabler. "Nan, you take the kids home, okay? Get Olivia settled."

Olivia and Elliot obediently followed Mrs. Stabler into the car. When Olivia was buckled in her seat belt, she leaned over and whispered to her friend, "El, are you mad at me?"

He looked surprised. "Of course not, Liv. Why would I be mad?"

She shrugged. "I don't know. You just weren't saying anything."

"What's there to say, Olivia? This wasn't your fault. It doesn't make me think any less of you. It makes me so proud of you because you just did something very, very brave. You really are a special girl."

Olivia beamed in spite of herself. "Okay, stop it." She wasn't used to all these compliments, and even though she liked them, she had no idea how to react.

"What are you two whispering about?" Mrs. Stabler asked, glancing in the rearview mirror.

Elliot grinned sheepishly and sat up straight in his chair. "Nothing, Mom."

"_Right_."

When they reached the apartment, Mrs. Stabler showed Olivia the guest room. "This is where you're going to stay."

Olivia was so overwhelmed by the Stablers' generosity that didn't know what to say. "Thank you, ma'am," she said quietly.

Elliot's mother, who was in the process of putting new sheets on the bed, looked back at Olivia. "You don't have to say 'ma'am'."

"Then what should I call you?"

"You can call me Nan if you like. That's my name. And you can call my husband, George."

Olivia nodded. "Okay. Thanks . . . Nan."

Nan smiled and left the room.

Olivia sat down on the bed – _her _bed. It was larger and softer than any bed she'd ever slept in before and she smiled in bliss. Now she was here, with her friend. Now she was here, safe.

George got home about an hour later. He came into Olivia's room. "Brought you something," he told her, handing her a plastic bag containing a few outfits.

Nan had come into the room behind him. "You know what, Olivia? Why don't we go out and get you some new clothes?"

She looked at the ground, not wanting to burden them. "I have clothes. I don't want to be any trouble."

"It's no trouble," said Nan. "Let's go out just the two of us. Wouldn't that be nice?"

It would be. Olivia's mother had never taken her shopping.

"Okay," she said.

"Great." Nan smiled. "Be ready in five minutes."

George sat down on the edge of Olivia's bed. "Olivia, we arrested your mother."

"And?"

"She says she never hurt you, but we expected that."

Olivia started to shake. "She's lying."

George nodded. "I know. But here's the thing. We might need you to testify at her trial. I know it'll be very difficult for you, but you're a strong girl. I know you can do it."

She took a deep breath and slowly inclined her head. "Okay."

George put a hand on her shoulder and smiled. "That's my girl."

This time when he left, she let the tears stream unchecked down her cheeks.


	14. Chapter 14

Olivia stayed with the Stablers. She revelled in the warmth of the loving, comfortable family. She had never allowed herself to believe in the concept of real families; she had never even dared to dream that one could ever be hers.

And as she feared, it was too good to be true.

One day, Elliot's father came home from work and everything changed. Olivia and Elliot ran to greet him as they always did, but George looked unsettled about something.

"What's wrong, Dad?" asked Elliot.

He shook his head and sighed. "Olivia, I need to talk to you about something."

Olivia had a bad feeling in the pit of her stomach but she nodded and followed Elliot's father into the family room. He sat down on one couch and she sat down across from him.

George took a deep breath and said bluntly, "Olivia, your mother was released on bail today and she wants you back."

The world spun around Olivia as she said weakly, "I can't go back. Please don't make me go back."

"We won't," George assured her. "But I thought it was best that you know. Just in case."

"Thank you," whispered Olivia. "Can - can I go now? I have math homework."

"Sure, Olivia. Go ahead."

She retreated to her bedroom.

* * *

The next day, Olivia was unusually quiet. She clung to Elliot even more than she did normally, but she didn't tell him about her mother. She didn't want to scare him.

Halfway through their last period class, English, the office called their classroom. "Ms. Martin?"

"Yes?" replied their teacher.

"Is Olivia Benson with you?"

"Yes."

"Could she please come down to the office?"

Olivia began to tremble. She turned to Elliot, her eyes wide with fear.

"What's the matter, Liv?"

"Come with me," she whispered.

Elliot nodded. He would do whatever it took to protect his Olivia. He got up and followed her out the door.

The short walk to the office seemed to take a second and an eternity at the same time. It lasted forever, yet it ended so soon.

When Olivia opened the door to the office, her shivering became even more apparent. Her worst fears had been confirmed. There was her mother, standing in the office. Waiting.


	15. Chapter 15

Elliot saw the woman, too. He could tell his friend was terrified of her. "Is that your mom?" he murmured.

Olivia nodded tersely.

Elliot put an arm around her. "Don't worry, baby. I won't let anything bad happen to you."

Olivia's mother noticed them then and made a beeline for her daughter. She gathered Olivia in a hug. "Livvy!"

Olivia froze and Elliot could see she was terrified. _Call your mom, _she mouthed.

Elliot took out his cell phone and dialled as Serena Benson's cheerfulness abated. "What, you're not happy to see your own mother?"

Suddenly, she grabbed hold of Olivia`s shoulders and dragged her from the office out into the hallway. She took no notice of Elliot as she shook her daughter violently. Olivia cried out in fear.

"You told them I abused you!" screamed Serena, raising her hand and smacking Olivia across the face. Olivia balked in fright and began to cry softly.

Elliot couldn`t stand to see this horrible woman hitting his friend. He glanced around wildly for help, but no one was there. It was up to him to protect his Olivia.

With a surge of strength he hadn`t even known he had, he charged at Serena, knocking her away from her daughter. He was tall and lean, muscular and strong. He could fight this woman and win. Years of working out would now be put to the test.

Serena tried to hit him but he was too quick. He grabbed her wrist and shoved her backward as hard as he could. Serena slid to the ground.

Olivia looked up at Elliot, fear mixed with pure admiration. She picked herself up off the ground.

Just then, Elliot's parents walked in. His mother ran to Olivia, who was badly shaken but physically fine."Oh, honey! Are you all right?"

Olivia nodded shakily. "I'm fine."

"What happened?" Elliot`s father asked him.

"Her mother came to try to pick her up," explained Elliot. "She hit her."

His father nodded. Elliot to Olivia and took her hands in his own. "Are you okay?"

Olivia nodded, admiration shining through her eyes. "You're a hero, Ellot."

He puffed out his chest with pride, then grinned. "You're so full of it."

She melted into his open arms, feeling secure in her friend's embrace.

"Oh, hey," said Elliot. "I have something for you. I meant to give it to you last night, but I forgot." He took out a small, velvet box from his pocket and handed it to her.

Olivia smiled. "What is it?"

"Why don't you open it and find out?"

She opened the box to reveal a necklace and gasped. It was beautiful. The chain was solid gold and the charm was a pair of intertwined hearts, each with a diamond in the center.

Olivia was at a loss for words. "It – it's beautiful," she finally managed.

"Would you like me to put it on you?"

Olivia nodded and Elliot fastened the chain around her neck. He touched the hearts. "See this, Olivia? This is us."

Olivia blinked back tears. "El, I don't know what to say."

"Say you love me." As she opened her mouth, he added, "But only say it if it's true."

She looked up at him with pure adoration in her eyes. "I love you."

He smiled. "I love you, too."

Without really thinking about it, Olivia leaned forward. She pressed her lips onto Elliot's and he didn't pull away. He kissed her back.


	16. Chapter 16

That night, Elliot heard muffled crying coming from the direction of Olivia's room. It was ripping his heart out and he wanted to go to her, comfort her, hold her close and wipe away her tears. But he didn't.

Suddenly his bedroom door opened. Standing in the doorway was Olivia, wearing a long pink nightgown, her eyes red, her face streaked with tears. "Elliot?" she whispered. "I can't sleep."

He noticed that she was still wearing the necklace. He moved over and patted the bed. "You can stay here if you like."

Olivia climbed into bed next to him. He wrapped his arms around her and she laid her head on his shoulder.

Gradually, her sobs turned to whimpers and slowly abated. Elliot held her as she fell asleep, and when he was sure she would be fine, he allowed himself to doze off as well.

But when he woke up the next morning, she was gone.


	17. Chapter 17

Elliot leapt out of bed and ran into Olivia's room. Her nightgown was laying on her neatly made bed along with her other clothing, but Olivia wasn't there.

Elliot started to get worried. "Mom," he called. "Have you seen Olivia?"

His mother came into Olivia's room. "She isn't here?"

Elliot shook his head.

"Did something happen, Elliot?"

He hesitated, then shook his head again.

"Okay," said his mother. "I'll call your father."

Elliot went back into his room. He noticed a folded note on his dresser.

_Elliot, _it said. _I'm sorry. I love you. Olivia_

Two sentences that turned his world upside down.

They searched for weeks, but they never did find Olivia. And after two years, Elliot gave up.

But he would never forget Olivia. The love of his life. The girl who broke his heart.


	18. Chapter 18 Twenty years later

Twenty years later, Detective Elliot Stabler sat in the squad room drinking an iced cappuccino. He loved them because they satisfied both his sugar craving and his caffeine fix.

Detective John Munch entered the room. "Hey, Elliot. Your new partner's here. The captain will be in with her in a minute."

"Her?" Elliot wondered how that would go.

"Yeah, _her_."

A minute later, their captain, Don Cragen, arrived. Elliot nearly fainted when he saw the woman at his side – Elliot's new partner.

With shoulder-length brown hair and chocolate eyes, she was striking. Yet the thing that drew Elliot the most was the golden chain around her neck. On the chain was a charm of two hearts intertwined, diamonds at the center of each. _This is us, Olivia._

He knew she recognized him, too. He barely heard the captain say, "This is Detective Olivia Benson," because he was staring into her eyes. He was falling again. She was the only one who could make him feel this way.

Detective Munch and Captain Cragen left them alone together. Olivia stared at Elliot, almost defiantly. She was the same, yet there was something different about her. She was stronger, tougher, fiercer, yet at the same time, more vulnerable. She tried a smile. "You still mad at me?" It wasn't what she'd meant to say, but she couldn't stop the words from coming.

"God, Olivia. That was twenty years ago. Get over yourself."

She smirked. "You are, aren't you?" Then she sighed. "I'm sorry, Elliot. I've waited twenty years to tell you, but I really am. I saw what could happen and freaked out. I didn't want you to get hurt. You were al so good to me." She fingered the chain around her neck.

"You still have the necklace?" Elliot's coolness was evaporating, giving way to the warmth he reserved only for Olivia.

She smiled. "I never took it off. Not once. Elliot, you're the best friend I ever had. I'm sorry for hurting you."

Elliot sighed. "I missed you, Liv."

"Me, too. I never forgot, El. All my life I've waited for you and now here you are."

"So where do we go from here?"

Olivia gave him a sly smile. "We just pick up where we left off."

"With me and you in bed? No, thanks."

Olivia laughed. "Why not?"

"See, Liv, here's the thing. I'm married. I have kids."

He saw the hurt reflected in her eyes but she quickly masked it. The new Olivia didn't want anyone to see her pain. All she could think to say was, "Oh."

He suddenly felt the need to explain himself. "Liv, I loved you, but I thought you were never coming back. I couldn't wait all my life for a ghost."

"But I did come back," said Olivia simply. Then she shook her head. "God, I feel so stupid. Of course you have your own life and I wasn't part of it until now. I couldn't expect life to stop just because I wasn't here." She paused. "How many kids?"

"Four. Maureen is eleven, Kathleen is six, and the twins, Dickie and Elizabeth, are eighteen months old."

"Do you have a picture?"

Elliot dug into his wallet and handed it to Olivia.

She was dangerously close to tears. "El, they're beautiful. You've done well for yourself." She paused, staring at the woman in the picture. "Is that your wife?"

"Yeah, that's Kathy."

Olivia sighed. She unclasped the chain around her neck for the first time in twenty years. She handed it to Elliot and said softly, her voice cracking, "You give this to Kathy." She turned on her heel and left the room.

Once again, Elliot was left staring after her, wondering what he'd done wrong.


	19. Chapter 19

Olivia knew she couldn't stay. There was nothing more to say for it; working with Elliot, her only true friend, would just be too painful. She loved him still, even though she knew it was wrong. In all those twenty years, he'd been the only one.

She took the subway back to her apartment and cried herself to sleep as she had every night for the past twenty years.

* * *

The next morning, she pulled Captain Cragen aside and told him she wanted to quit.

He raised his eyebrows. _"Why?"_

Olivia paused, knowing she couldn't tell him the truth. "Personal reasons."

"Give it a chance, Olivia," the captain told her. "Karen told me you weren't a quitter."

Torn between caution and pride, Olivia allowed it. "Okay."

* * *

When Olivia entered the squad room the next morning, Elliot's heart almost stopped beating. He knew no matter how wrong it was, he loved her still.

"Morning, Liv," he said.

She shot him an icy glare. _"Olivia."_

"What?"

"My name is _Olivia_."

"Olivia –"

She cut him off. "Let's not reminisce any farther. It's nice but completely unproductive."

"I loved you," said Elliot weakly.

"Oh, please. We were too young to even know what love meant."

He knew it was her pain speaking now, the harshness she used to mask her vulnerability. Her pride had always been so important to her. "All right. Truce."

She wanted to bury her head in his shoulder and cry out her pain as she had years ago and yet she refrained. "Fine."

He inclined his head. "Thank you."

Suddenly Captain Cragen opened the door. "Stabler, Benson, I need you down on 137th Street. There's been a rape."

Elliot and Olivia looked at each other and seemed to make a mutual decision to put aside their differences for now. Olivia followed Elliot to his car and they drove in silence.

They saw a young woman with long blonde hair hanging limply in her face leaning against the wall to steady herself. They got out of the car and walked over to the woman. "I'm Detective Stabler," Elliot introduced himself. "And this is my partner, Detective Benson."

The young woman began to cry. "I'm Catherine Waverly."

Olivia looked right into Catherine's blue eyes, shining with tears. "Ma'am, would you tell us what happened?"

Catherine took a deep breath. "I was walking home after work. I'm a waitress at Applebee's and I get off at midnight. My apartment is a ten minute cab ride, but it was a nice night and I didn't want to spend money on a taxi, so I figured I'd walk. Then I saw the man."

"What man?" asked Elliot.

"The man who – the man who raped me. He seemed to be following me, but I wasn't sure, so I ignored him at first. After six blocks, though, I started to get scared. I told him to leave me alone. He laughed. He grabbed me. He held me down. He – he raped me."

"How long did this take?"

Catherine sighed. "Forever."

"Can you give me an estimate?"

"An hour, maybe two. I'm sorry. I don't know."

"Is there anything about him that stood out to you? Wall he tall, short, black, white . . .?

"He was tall, maybe six feet," said Catherine shakily. "He was white, dark hair. He kept telling me I wanted this, but – but I didn't! I didn't!" She burst into a fresh round of sobbing. "I didn't want it at all!"

"No one asks to be raped," Olivia assured her. "You need to be examined by a doctor to make sure you're all right."

"I'll ride," volunteered Elliot.

"No," snapped Olivia. "I will."

She climbed into the ambulance after Catherine. She didn't look back.


	20. Chapter 20

The two partners worked civilly for the next week. They weren't friends by any stretch of the imagination but they managed to get things done without being down each other's throats – most of the time.

On Friday, Elliot's wife and children dropped by at lunchtime. They were so beautiful in person that it took Olivia's breath away. She noticed with a touch of satisfaction that Kathy wasn't wearing the necklace.

Elliot knelt down to hug his children. "Hi, guys. I missed you." He turned to his middle daughter. "How's my little ballerina? How was your lesson?"

Kathleen giggled. "Good. Look, Anna gave me a sticker." She held out her hand to show her father a ballet shoe sticker.

"Who's that?" asked Maureen, pointing a finger at Olivia.

"That's my new partner, Olivia Benson," explained Elliot. Olivia glanced at Kathy, but there was no recognition there. Elliot obviously hadn't told his wife about her. She wasn't sure if this pleased or angered her. "Olivia," continued Elliot. "This is Maureen, Kathleen, Elizabeth, and Dickie."

"It's nice to meet you," said Maureen politely, but the other kids were too caught up in a game of _I Spy _to take much interest in their father's new partner.

Kathy held an icy hand out to Olivia. "It's nice to meet you."

Elliot chatted with Kathy for a few moments and Olivia was left standing awkwardly until Kathleen said, "Olivia, will you play with us?"

Olivia smiled. "Sure." She got down to their level and looked around. "I spy with my little eye something that is . . . pink."

"Kathleen's sticker?" guessed Maureen.

Olivia shook her head. "Nope. Try again."

Elizabeth suddenly beamed in triumph. "I know. My shirt!"

She looked so proud of herself that Olivia laughed and gave her hand a squeeze. "That's right!"

"It's time to go, you guys," said Kathy. "It was nice meeting you, Olivia." She took one twin by each hand and started to lead the kids away. "Say goodbye to Olivia."

"Goodbye, Olivia," said Maureen and Kathleen in unison.

"Bye, Olivia," echoed Dickie.

Elizabeth giggled and blew her a kiss. "Bye-bye, Livvy."

Olivia's heart jumped into her throat. No one had called her _Livvy _in years – twenty to be exact. "Bye," she managed.

She saw Elliot staring at her and suddenly felt self-conscious. "They're great kids, Elliot," she said and meant it.

He smiled weakly. "I know." He paused. "Olivia, it really is nice, being here with you. I know things are never going to be like they were, but why can't we just be friends?"

She wanted to be. More than anything else in the whole world, she wanted to be Elliot's friend again. But over the last twenty years, she'd learned that she couldn't trust anyone. Not even Elliot. "No."

"Liv – Olivia," protested Elliot. "_You _left _me_, not the other way around."

"You know I had no choice!"

"There was always a choice. You could have stayed. I would have taken care of you." This was what he wanted most, even now, but he knew Olivia. She would rather fail miserably on her own than admit to needing help.

"I couldn't let you get hurt," said Olivia.

"That's not it, Olivia. That's what you tell yourself, but it's not the truth. You couldn't let _yourself _get hurt." As Elliot said this, he could tell from the look on her face that it was true. "You knew you couldn't handle the fear, the pain, the not knowing. You knew you couldn't be strong anymore. But Olivia, you don't always have to be the tough one. Needing others doesn't always equal weakness. You don't always have to be so strong."

"Yes, I do!" screamed Olivia.

Elliot knew he'd gone too far. He'd never seen her lose control like this before. She always tried to be calm, cool, distant, but now she was in too deep.

Olivia took a deep breath to calm herself. "Elliot, I can't."

"No," he repeated stubbornly. "You _can_. You just _won't_."

"You're right. I won't. You were the best thing that ever happened to me, Elliot. But I can never bring those days back, nor would I if I had the chance."

"I would," he said quietly.

Olivia looked up in surprise. "Why?"

"Because you were a good friend," he replied simply. "We had fun together. Remember when we switched the signs on the girls' and the boys' washrooms? And when we froze Mom's toothbrush in the freezer? And when we went to the park and you said you knew a shortcut but ended up getting us lost?"

"We were just kids."

"That's right. And kids know."

Olivia sighed. "You're too good for me, Elliot."

Suddenly, they were fourteen again, running along the beach, collecting shells. They were hiding their vegetables in a napkin and feeding it to the cat. They were snuggling up on Elliot's bed, her head on his shoulder.

Olivia pushed the memory from her mind. "We're not children anymore."

"I know."

"We can't do it over."

"I know."

"You have a family. You have a life."

"I know."

"So where do I fit in?"

Elliot did the truest thing he could think of, corny as it was. He placed his hand over his heart. "Right here."


	21. Chapter 21

"Olivia," said Captain Cragen three weeks later. "I need to see you in my office. Now."

"Just a second," said Olivia, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. She followed the captain into his office.

He took a deep breath. "It's about your mother."

Olivia's blood ran cold. She hadn't seen her mother in twenty years. How could she have found her here? "W-what about her?"

Captain Cragen sighed. "I'm sorry to have to tell you this, Olivia, but she's dead."

The world fell away. Olivia felt numb. "H-how?"

"Stroke. She died last night. I'm sorry, Olivia. If you need some time off –"

"No, no," said Olivia shakily. "I'm fine. Thank you, Captain."

"If there's anything I can do –"

"No. Thanks." Olivia retreated back to her office but didn't continue her work. She sat with her hand on her chin, staring out the window, letting the tears stream down her face.

Elliot found her like that ten minutes later. "Look, Olivia, I heard about your mom. I'm sorry." He looked at her in surprise. "You're crying. Because you're sad she's dead?"

"No." Olivia sighed. "I'm crying because I'm not. I don't care. If anything, I'm relieved."

Elliot sat down across from her. "Your mom did a lot of bad things to you, Olivia. So it's perfectly normal if you have mixed feelings about this or if you're not sure how to feel."

"Cut it with the shrink routine," snapped Olivia. She didn't want to admit to feeling confused. She was above all this uncertainty; it was too human for her. She had spent years hardening herself to human emotion and now it was all gone in a blink of an eye,

"Olivia –"

Olivia burst into a fresh round of sobbing. "I love her – she's my mother – but I hate her – she hurt me – she hurt you – she took you away from me – she's dead – I'm glad – I wish – I don't –"

Even though he knew it was wrong, Elliot crossed to Olivia's side. He put his arm around her. "It's okay," he whispered. "I know this is hard for you but it's going to be okay."

Olivia stopped her protests. She took in the warmth of Elliot, so familiar. She hadn't felt Elliot's arms around her like this in twenty years, yet it felt so good that she didn't pull away. She lay her head on Elliot's shoulder and they rocked back and forth.

The door to Olivia's office opened and Captain Cragen stuck his head in. Olivia and Elliot pulled away as if their captain was a repellant force between them. "Elliot," said the captain. "Kathy's here."

Elliot sighed. "I'll be back, Olivia, okay?"

Olivia blinked. "I'm fine, Elliot. I'm sorry."

He laughed. "You never have to apologize for this, Olivia. You're allowed to be human. You're allowed to need others sometimes."

She looked at the ground and took a moment to compose herself. "Right. Go out to your wife, Elliot."

He hesitated, torn between his wife and the woman he truly loved, who needed him now more than ever.

"Go!" repeated Olivia.

Elliot turned away and went out to Kathy. The second Olivia saw the door close, she burst into tears again. She was falling. There was no way to regain her footing now.

Her mother was dead. Her mother, who she hadn't seen in twenty years. She was almost glad that her mother was dead, yet she knew this was a horrible thing. She was glad that a woman was dead, yet that woman had beat her for years and forced her to leave the boy she loved. This was the woman who had caused her to live in terror for twenty years. Now Olivia had a difficult decision to make. Should she go to the funeral?

Elliot came back into the room. "Liv?"

"Elliot," she whispered. "I – I think I want to go to the funeral."

"Do you want me to come with you?"

"Yes, please," whispered Olivia.

Elliot looked up sharply. Was Olivia actually admitting that she needed someone to lean on?

"If you don't mind," added Olivia hastily, misreading the expression on Elliot's face.

"Of course I'll come," Elliot assured her.

And that was how he found himself in a neatly pressed black suit and tie the next day at the church, Olivia by his side. She was wearing a long black dress and clutching his hand for dear life, her face pale. He couldn't help but notice that she looked especially beautiful when she wasn't trying to be the ice queen.

They went inside the church. There weren't many people there, which was hardly surprising. Olivia and Elliot sat down in the front pew.

Olivia didn't know anyone there even though it was her own mother's funeral. She hadn't seen her mother – or any of her mother's friends – in twenty years.

She listened to the minister going on about what a good woman her mother was, devoted mother, good friend, etc. Suddenly, Olivia couldn't stand it anymore. She tapped Elliot's shoulder. "El, I need some air."

Elliot grabbed his coat and followed Olivia out to the courtyard of the church. She put her hands in her pockets and was walking around at a brisk pace to clear her mind. Elliot hurried after her. "You okay, Liv?"

She kept walking. "It's just hard."

"I understand. You don't know how you're supposed to feel."

"No, I do. I just don't feel that way."

"How do you feel?"

She looked into Elliot's eyes. "I don't."

Elliot sighed. "Oh, Liv."

She sat down on a bench and tried to compose herself. "Elliot, thank you for coming with me today. It means a lot to me."

Elliot squeezed her hand. "That's what friends are for."


	22. Chapter 22

They were sitting on Elliot's couch that evening, watching a movie. Elliot hadn't thought he should leave Olivia alone tonight so he had asked Kathy if she could stay at their house, and Kathy, feeling sorry for Olivia, agreed.

Olivia was on one side of the couch, Elizabeth cuddling up to her. Elliot was sitting an appropriate distance from his partner with Dickie on his lap as they watched the new Disney movie the kids had been so excited about.

Kathy appeared in the doorway. "Bedtime!" she announced.

"No," groaned Kathleen. "Ten more minutes."

Kathy shook her head. "Nope. Tomorrow's a school day and the adults need some time to talk. Come upstairs."

"Fine," grunted Kathleen. She and Maureen got up and plodded noisily up the stairs.

"Livvy," whispered Elizabeth sleepily. "Carry me."

Olivia was aware that there was a boundary here, a fine line that she did not want to overstep. She looked to Kathy, who gave her a smile. She lifted the little girl into her arms and Elliot lifted Dickie into his.

The two of them carried the children into their rooms. Olivia glanced around Elizabeth's room. It was perfect for a little girl, everything pink and frilly, princess posters on the walls and a hodgepodge of dolls and stuffed animals on her canopy bed.

Olivia lay the little girl down on her bed and tucked her in. Elizabeth propped herself up on one arm. "Livvy, look." She held out a doll with long blonde hair and blue eyes that was half as large as she was. The doll was wearing a pink, frilly nightgown and her hair was done up in braids.

"That's a pretty doll," said Olivia, patting the doll's head.

"Her name's Gracie," explained Elizabeth. "She's a 'merican girl doll."

Olivia smiled. "Do you want me to tuck Gracie in with you?"

Elizabeth nodded and lifted up the bed sheet. Olivia placed the doll next to the little girl. "Goodnight, Gracie. Goodnight, Elizabeth."

Elizabeth yawned. "'Night, Livvy."

Olivia smiled. "Do you want me to leave the door opened or closed?"

"Closed," whispered Elizabeth.

Olivia closed the door and went back downstairs. Elliot and Kathy were sitting on the couch, Elliot's arm around his wife. Olivia, though she knew this was the way things had to be, felt a pang. She sat down on the edge of the couch.

"I'm sorry about your mother, Olivia," said Kathy. "You're welcome to stay the night."

Olivia glanced at Elliot and realized he hadn't told his wife about her mother. She felt almost uncomfortable sharing a secret with Elliot that even his wife didn't know. "Thank you, Kathy," she managed.

Kathy smiled. "No problem." She got up. "Here, I'll show you to the guest room."

Olivia got up and followed Kathy to a bedroom with white walls and a double bed on the main floor. The bed had a white bedspread and white pillows. It was a nice enough room, but very . . . white.

"Thank you, Kathy," said Olivia politely.

She lay down and tried to sleep. Here she was, so close to Elliot, and yet so far. She would have to let him go now. He was a married man, after all. He had children. They could be friends, but nothing more. Olivia just didn't trust herself enough to leave Elliot behind as she knew she had to. She was going to have to distance herself from this because she knew she wouldn't be able to handle her job otherwise.


	23. Chapter 23

Three weeks later, Olivia was sitting in her apartment, reading a book, when the phone rang. "Hello?"

All she could hear was heavy breathing on the other line.

"Hello?" she said again.

The caller on the other line didn't say anything and a second later Olivia heard the dial tone. _Wrong number, _she thought dismissively.

* * *

Yet the next day at precisely the same time, the phone rang and Olivia picked it up. Again, the same heavy breathing and unresponsive caller. She hung up, but the next day it happened again. "Stop calling me!" Olivia said shakily.

This time she heard a low chuckle before she hung up the phone.

Olivia was starting to get worried now. She dialed Elliot's phone number, not even taking into account that it was two in the morning and Elliot and his family might be sleeping.

Elliot picked up on the fourth ring. "Stabler," he said sleepily.

Olivia was so relieved to hear his voice that she almost cried. "Elliot, it's me."

She could hear Kathy in the background saying, "El? Who is it?"

"Olivia," replied Elliot.

Kathy made a low sound of displeasure, but didn't comment.

"What's the matter, Liv?" asked Elliot.

She thought about explaining herself, but decided against it. "Nothing. I just wanted to talk."

"At two in the morning?" Elliot snorted. "Give me a break."

Olivia took a deep breath and explained the phone calls. "Do you think it means anything?"

Elliot sighed. "I don't know. In itself, no. But if anything else happens, tell me, okay?"

She nodded before blushing, realizing he couldn't see her. "Okay. Thanks, Elliot."

"I'll see you tomorrow."

"Right," said Olivia, feeling a bit silly. "Bye, Elliot."

As Olivia hung up the phone, the doorbell to her apartment rang. Her breath quickened. She pressed the intercom button. "Hello?"

Once again, there was no answer.

"Who are you?" asked Olivia.

"Come on down here, babe," replied a muffled voice.

Olivia's heart stopped. "What do you want with me?"

Another laugh. "You know what I want. Let me come up there."

"Who _are _you?" repeated Olivia.

"An admirer." The voice was definitely amused now.

"How do you know me?"

He paused. "We've met."

"When?"

"Hmm, let's see. When you left home – sorry, _Elliot's_ home."

Her pulse quickened. "Leave me alone!"

"Oh, but baby, you know you want it, just like you wanted it twenty years ago. But you were only a child then. Now, things can be different. We can be real lovers, you know –"

"Stop calling!" shrieked Olivia, turning off the intercom.

Her clammy hands were shaking and she was trembling from head to toe. She thought that awful chapter of her life was over, but she could see that it was back to haunt her. She could never escape her past.


	24. Chapter 24

The next day, Olivia came to work very shaken up. She hadn't slept much and there were dark bags under her eyes.

Elliot looked up when Olivia walked in the door. She must have looked a sight because Elliot asked, "Liv, what's the matter? Any more of those phone calls? Did something happen?"

Olivia shook her head. Now that she knew who the calls were from, she couldn't tell Elliot. She knew the person was watching her and she could be in danger, yet she still had her pride.

Elliot looked concerned. "Are you sure you're all right?"

"I'm fine," snapped Olivia, and went to get herself a coffee.

* * *

That night, the caller phoned again. This time when Olivia picked up the phone, she said, "How did you find me?"

"I've been watching you," was the reply.

Her blood ran cold. "For how long?"

He laughed. "A while."

"_What _do you _want_?"

"I've missed you over the last twenty years, Livvy. I've been looking for you and now here we are, babe. You were such a pretty little kid, but now you're even prettier. So why don't we get together?"

"I never want to see you again!" hissed Olivia.

"Well, that's not going to happen."

She bit her lip and didn't say anything.

"What, you didn't tell your friends about us? And what we did?"

"You raped me when I was fourteen. I let you. I never said a word. Is that really something I should be telling my friends?"

"I didn't rape you, babe. You wanted it, remember? You joined in."

Olivia gritted her teeth. "Stop. Calling. Here."

"Okay." And he hung up.

It couldn't be that easy. Olivia trembled as she put down the phone.

She couldn't sleep. She sat on the couch with a growing sense of anticipation, just as the caller knew she would. Nothing happened, though. No one called back and no one tried to enter her apartment. Yet Olivia was still terrified.

* * *

The next night, the man didn't call. Olivia breathed a sigh of relief, assuming he had gotten his kicks and was now leaving, and she got ready for bed.

Suddenly she heard a key turning in her door. Her breath quickened. "Hello?" she called out.

She went to the door, but no one was there. She shook her head. She was becoming paranoid. She started back toward the living room and screamed.

Sitting on the couch was the dark man she'd tried so hard to forget, grinning at her, his knife resting casually on his knee.


	25. Chapter 25

"Oh, Livvy," said the man, licking his lips. "I missed you. Or do you not like being called that anymore?"

"I never did," whispered Olivia, trying not to fall apart.

"All right, _Olivia_," said the man, amused.

"W-what do you want?" she stuttered.

"Why don't you sit down and we'll have a talk?"

"I don't want to talk!" she growled. "I want you to get out of my apartment."

"What? You gonna call the police? Oh, wait, I forgot. You _are_ the police."

"Leave me alone!" she shrieked.

"I bet this'll be so much better than it was when you were fourteen," he commented.

"No," she murmured. "No, no, no, no, no."

"We could do this the easy way or we could do this the hard way."

"Out!" she ordered.

But then she was in his arms, struggling against him as he carried her to the bedroom. She tried to scream, but he put his hand over her mouth. She tried to bite down on his fingers but he laughed and smacked her across the face.

He dropped her on her bed and Olivia looked up at him, pure terror etched across her face. This was worse than it had been when she was fourteen.

"Are you gonna strip or do I need to make you?" he asked.

She cringed. "Don't touch me!"

He grabbed her shirt and tore it off. Then he moved on to her pants. Soon, she was laying on the bed, helpless, her clothes lying on the bed next to her. She shivered, from cold and from fear.

"Please," whispered Olivia weakly.

Her attacker laughed. "I want you to beg."

She was torn between pride and self-preservation. "I won't!"

She felt the cold blade of his knife against her throat. "You will do as I say. You know you want it. Ask me. Beg me."

"Please . . ."

He slid the knife over her throat, nicking her skin. "Tell me you want it."

"I want it," repeated Olivia hollowly.

"That's right," approved the man. "You do. Should I give it to you?"

She began to cry, silent tears streaming down her cheeks. He slapped her again. "Stop sniveling, bitch! Tell me you want it."

"I want it."

"Say it like you mean it."

"I want it!" she shrieked helplessly. "Give it to me!" All she wanted was for it to be over.

He was touching her, stroking her hair, her body, all the way down. She closed her eyes and prayed, even though her belief in God had never been well-defined. And then he was inside her, pushing, hurting her. The pain was just as great as it had been twenty years ago and she tried in vain to go somewhere else in her mind. She was floating, above herself, watching this happen to some random stranger, just as she had when she was fourteen. It wasn't happening again; things like this didn't happen to the grown-up Olivia. This was something she'd left behind.

Finally, it was over. He stood up and said, "That was sweet, baby."

Olivia took a deep breath and tried to swallow her sobs. She didn't say anything.

Suddenly, he was on her, hitting her again and again. "Bitch!" he shouted. "Slut! Whore!"

Olivia knew enough to stay silent.

By the time he was finished, her face was swollen and bruised. Her body was full of angry red welts and dark bruises. Her eye was starting to blacken. But he was gone, and that was the important thing.

She picked herself up and tried to put her clothes back on, but she collapsed back on the bed in desperation and burst into a fresh round of tears. How could she have let this happen to her? It had been bad enough when she was fourteen, but back then, she had only been a child. She hadn't asked for any of it, hadn't been able to prevent it. But now here she was, a grown woman, and she'd let it happen again.

With shaky hands, she started to dial Elliot's number. On the first ring, though, she hung up. She couldn't tell him about this. First of all, she didn't want to worry him, and secondly, she was too embarrassed. Though she knew in her heart that this wasn't her fault, she couldn't help the sense of shame that started in the pit of her stomach and devoured her whole.

Instead, she took a long shower, trying in vain to wash off the evidence that she had been raped. Maybe in the morning she would wake up to find it had all been a bad dream.


	26. Chapter 26

The next morning when Olivia woke up, she felt awful. Her eye had swollen and blackened, her head was throbbing, and her body was full of cuts and bruises. She tried to sit up but the pain was too extreme and she fell back onto the pillows. She reached for the phone and dialed Captain Cragen's phone number.

"Captain," she said weakly. "I need a few days of sick leave."

"Olivia, we're working on a big case and we need you here," the captain told her. "Are you okay? Why do you need some time off?"

Olivia thought for a moment. "Personal reasons."

He sighed. "What personal reasons this time?"

"A death in the family," she tried.

"Really? Who was it?" asked Captain Cragen skeptically. "Because I know your mother is dead, you have no siblings, you don't know who your father is, and your mother has no siblings."

_Crap. _Olivia thought wildly. "Um, well, she's not exactly _family_. I call her my aunt even though she's really just my mother's good friend."

The captain sighed again. "I don't think you're telling me the truth, Olivia. Is something wrong?"

She shook her head even though the captain couldn't see her. "I'm fine."

"Good. Then I'll see you in an hour." Captain Cragen hung up the phone.

Olivia stared at the receiver in desperation. What was she going to do now? How was she going to disguise what she'd been through? She had become adept with makeup since childhood and she knew exactly how to hide a bruise, but how could she cover her entire face without being too obvious?

She sat up again, wincing at the pain, and climbed out of bed. She went into the bathroom and carefully applied foundation to her face. She did a second layer, then a third. That was enough. She put on some eyeliner, mascara, and lipstick. Then she got dressed and drove to the precinct.

The instant she walked in the door, everyone stopped what they were doing and stared at her. Elliot broke the silence. "Wow, Liv. You look awful."

She rolled her eyes. "Thanks."

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," she snapped.

"What happened last night?"

"Nothing! I told you."

Elliot knew Olivia too well. He could tell that something was wrong, but he had the good sense to drop the subject.

"What do you want me to do?" Olivia asked the captain.

He gave her a once-over. "You're not in good enough shape to go out with Elliot. There's a stack of paperwork on your desk. Go through it."

Olivia groaned but she knew the captain was right. She couldn't be any help to anyone like this, and it made her sad to realize. How could she help victims when she was a victim herself?

She sat down at her desk, cringing at the pain all over her body.

As she was sorting through the papers, Elliot entered her office. "You're supposed to knock first," she said without looking up.

He ignored Olivia and pulled out a chair across from her. "Liv, tell me what happened."

"Nothing!" she shrieked in frustration.

"Did someone hurt you?"

"Leave me alone!" she shouted.

"I can't, Olivia. I love you too much to let you hurt like this."

"You don't love me," she snarled. "You love Kathy."

He laughed. "I can love you both."

Her eyes widened. "She's your wife!"

"That's not what I mean. I love her romantically, as a wife, but I love you too. As a friend. And that's okay."

She sighed. "You're the only one who's ever loved me."

He didn't bother saying otherwise; he knew it was true. "Olivia, I want to help you, but I can't unless you tell me what happened."

"I'm not one of them!" she snapped. "You're talking to me like we talk to the victims and I'm not a victim! I'm a detective just like you, in case you forgot. I know what you're doing."

Elliot looked right into her eyes. "Then you should know that when something like this happens to you, you need to tell the police."

Her blood ran cold. "How do you know what happened?"

He laughed. "Olivia, we both deal with this on a regular basis. I think I can tell when someone's been raped."

Olivia swallowed. "I wasn't raped."

"You weren't." It was a flat, sarcastic statement.

She bowed her head and let the tears stream down her cheeks. "Yes, I was."

"Oh, Liv." He put his hand comfortingly on Olivia's shoulder. She recoiled at the touch. Her muscles were so tense.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

"No," he said firmly. "It _wasn't_ your fault. Was – was it the guy who kept calling you?"

She nodded.

"Who was he?"

"I met him when I was a kid. When I – when I left."

"How did you meet him?"

Olivia took a deep breath. Then it all came out in a rush. "When I left, I didn't know where to go. I took the subway, the train, the bus . . . anything to get as far away as I could. Then I ran out of money and I started hitchhiking. There was this man who picked me up. He said he'd bring me home with him and let me sleep at his house. It was cold outside. I agreed. That night, he – he raped me. It was so horrible! It hurt so much. In the middle of the night, I left and ran as far as I could. I never saw him again. But – but now he's found me."

"What happened last night?"

"He broke into my apartment. He was sitting on my couch when I found him and he told me he wanted me. I told him to get out. He lifted me up, carried me to my bed, pulled off my clothes. He had a knife. He put it to my throat. Oh, El, I was so scared! I thought he was going to kill me. He told me to beg. I didn't want to. So he cut me, just a bit." She pulled down the top of her turtleneck to show Elliot the mark. "He made me tell him I wanted it. I didn't have a choice, El. I said it. I told him I wanted to be raped. I was just as – as powerless as I was when I was fourteen. I was crying. He touched me. Everywhere. Then he raped me. I went somewhere else in my mind – I dissociated. It hurt so much. He finished. He started hitting me, scratching me, shouting, calling me names. He left. I showered. I went to bed."

There was nothing to say. "Why – why didn't you call me?"

"It was the middle of the night. I didn't want to bother you. I didn't want to bother Kathy. She's your wife."

He put his hand on Olivia's trembling ones. "Olivia, you can always call me if you need help. You never have to worry about that."

"But, Elliot," she protested weakly. "I let it happen again. I could have stopped it. I didn't."

"Liv, we tell this to victims every day. It is never the victim's fault."

She shook her head stubbornly. "But El, I could have stopped it."

"Okay, Liv. Let's just play devil's advocate. How could you have stopped it?"

Olivia sighed. "Okay, stop it. I couldn't have. Satisfied?"

Elliot inclined his head. "No. I'm so sorry that this happened to you, Liv. I'm sorry I wasn't there."

"You need to stop taking care of me, El. I'm not a child. It isn't your fault when bad things happen to me."

"Right. But it isn't yours either."

"No. I'm just unlucky."

"Liv –"

"No, let's see. My father raped my mother and that's the only reason I even exist. I don't even know who he is. My mother is an alcoholic who beat me and would have probably killed me, had I stayed. When I ran away, I ended up getting raped. I was homeless for almost six years until I finally got the help I needed and pulled my life back together. I was raped last night. I've lost the one person in my life who means the most to me over and over again."

"Really."

"Yes. You. It can never be the two of us. You're married; you have a family. I won't take that away from you. But you're the only friend I've ever had."

"We're still friends, Liv, and we always will be."

Olivia sighed. "I know."

"Olivia," said Elliot, changing the subject. "You need to have a rape kit done."

She shook her head. "I showered."

"They can still –"

"No," said Olivia shortly. "I don't want it."

Elliot sighed. "Okay. I'm not really in a position to force you."

"El, I just want to forget it happened."

"You don't want this bastard punished?"

"I don't want to testify, Elliot. I'm sure you can understand that."

"I thought you, of all people, would want to see him rot in jail! What if he does it to other women?"

"No, El. It was personal. This guy isn't some serial rapist. He's just obsessed with _me_."

"Then don't you think you might be in danger?"

Olivia shrugged. "I don't know. It doesn't matter,"

"Yes, Olivia. It _does_ matter. I don't want you to get hurt. We need to find this guy. I want him punished for what he did to you."

She looked at the ground. "I don't want to do this."

"Unfortunately, Olivia, you don't have a choice. Now that you've told me, a policeman, of the rape, it's my job to find this guy and it's Alex's job to prosecute him."

"You can't tell anyone else about this!"

"Olivia, you know I have to tell Alex and Cragen."

Her eyes widened. "Elliot, no! You can't! I thought I could trust you."

"No, Liv. Don't do this. Don't lay the guilt trip on me again. You did this twenty years ago and you're doing it now. Let me tell you, it's not going to work."

"Elliot, as a friend, please don't do this."

"Olivia, it's because I'm your friend that I'm going to. You know how important it is. You've told so many rape victims what they need to do. Now do it. I can tell them or you can tell them or we can tell them together, but one way or another, they're going to find out."

Olivia picked up her purse. "Fine. Do what you like. I'm leaving."

Elliot nodded. "Okay. I'll see you tomorrow then."

"Don't count on it," she growled.


	27. Chapter 27

The next day when Olivia showed up at work, silence greeted her once again. She started for her office, but Captain Cragen stopped her. "Olivia, I need to see you in my office."

He knew. They all did. She cursed herself inwardly. How stupid could she have been, telling Elliot? How could she have been taken in once again?

She followed the captain into his office. "Sit," he invited her.

She shook her head just to be contrary. "I'd rather stand."

"Olivia," said the captain. "Elliot told us what happened. Are you all right? Do you need a couple days off?"

Olivia bit her lip and bowed her head. "No, sir. I'm fine."

"We need to find him, Olivia. What if he tries to hurt you again? What if he hurts someone else?"

"He won't." But the words sounded hollow, even to her.

"How do you know that?"

She sighed. "I guess I don't."

"Olivia, go talk to Alex. She's prosecuting whether you like it or not."

Fuming, Olivia headed toward Alex's office. "What?"

Alex looked up. "Olivia, I know this is hard for you, but –"

She rolled her eyes. "Are you going to lecture me, too?"

"No, Olivia," said Alex sharply. "I'm not. But listen to me. I am going to prosecute this case with or without your cooperation. It doesn't matter what you say or do, but I am not giving up on this. I am not going to let my friend get hurt again. Now you can make this easy for us or you can make this hard for us, but either way, we are going to find this man and send him to prison for a very, very long time. No one rapes my friend and gets away with it."

Alex's words struck a chord in Olivia. _My friend._ Alex had called Olivia her friend. They were friends. Now she had two.

"Okay," conceded Olivia. "Fine."

"Great. Now I need you to sit down and tell me everything you know about this guy." Seeing Olivia's hesitation, she added, "Do you want Elliot here with you?"

She blushed and shook her head. "I'm fine."

"Okay. So, talk."

Olivia took a deep breath. "I met him when I was fourteen. I ran away from home. My mom had been getting worse so I – I left." She glanced at Alex, who was sitting still, listening and nodding her head. She continued, "I tried to get as far away as I could. I was hitchhiking. He picked me up. It was cold outside. He said he'd give me a place to sleep so I went home with him. He raped me that night. I ran away and never saw him again until two nights ago."

"What happened two nights ago?"

"I'd been getting these phone calls all week. The caller would phone at the same time every day and just hang up. One time, I told him to leave me alone. He said okay, but that night, he broke into my house. I found him in my living room. He told me he wanted me. I told him to leave me alone. He dragged me to my bed, pulled off my clothes. He had a knife. He told me to beg. I didn't want to. I said no. He held the knife to my throat and cut me. He made me tell him I wanted it. I didn't have a choice. I said it. I pretty much gave him permission to rape me. He touched me. Then he raped me. I dissociated. It hurt so much. He finished. He started hitting me, shouting, calling me names. He left. I showered. I went to bed."

She was dissociating at this point. She didn't want to relive the trauma. She was so embarrassed, telling all this to Alex. She had been brought up very modestly and talking about her sexual life made her uncomfortable. Yet she knew this was only half the pain she would have to endure. Now she would have to repeat it all at the trial, in front of so many people who she didn't even know.

Alex sighed. "This isn't your fault, Liv. There was nothing you could have done. Do you feel okay?"

"I don't feel anything," replied Olivia honestly.

"I know this is hard," repeated Alex. "I know that sometimes reliving a traumatic experience is a whole new trauma in itself. You've had it rough, haven't you?"

This made Olivia feel a bit better. Everything was always straight up with Alex. She never made excuses or gave fake comfort. She never beat around the bush; she never made false promises; she never said things would be all right just to placate. She always told it like it was, whether it was good news or not.

"Thanks, Alex," whispered Olivia.

Alex smiled weakly. "Can you give me a physical description of this man?"

Olivia shrugged. "I don't really know how helpful it'll be. He was tall, maybe six feet or so. He was white but his skin was kind of dark, tanned really well. He had dark hair and dark eyes."

"Can you remember anything else?"

"He was probably in his late forties, early fifties. He was wearing black pants and a black shirt and white running shoes. I don't know anything else. I'm sorry, Alex."

"That's fine, Olivia," Alex said. "You've given us a lot to go on."

Olivia bowed her head. Her pride was completely gone by now.

"We're going to find this bastard," Alex assured her. "We're going to put him behind bars for the rest of his miserable life."

Olivia nodded. "Thanks, Alex."

"You're going to be okay, Liv. You've been through a lot, but you're already halfway there. You can do this."

Olivia put her head in her hands. She was embarrassed to be talking about such personal things with Alex. She was embarrassed that she'd allowed herself to be raped in the first place. If only she'd been more careful!

She'd made one mistake when she was fourteen and now she was paying for it. When would the debt end?


	28. Chapter 28

Three days later, there were still no leads. Alex had gotten a warrant for a tap on Olivia's phone so that if her attacker called back, they could trace his call.

Olivia had been having difficulty sleeping, so Alex had spent the last two nights with Olivia. Neither of them had been getting more than three hours of sleep. Olivia cried out in her sleep at regular intervals and wake Alex, who would reassure her and sit with her until she fell back asleep, which sometimes took hours. Every time, Olivia would apologize to Alex, who would reply, "Don't be sorry. That's what friends are for." This would inevitably cause Olivia to burst into tears.

The third night, Alex didn't stay over. She told Olivia to call her if anything happened.

Olivia was curled up on the couch, watching television, when the phone rang. Her pulse quickened as she picked up the phone. "Hello?"

"Where did your little friend go?" asked the caller. "The blonde one. She's pretty sexy – but not as sexy as you. I'd like to fuck –"

Olivia slammed down the receiver. With shaking hands, she dialed Alex's number.

Alex picked up on the second ring. "Cabot," she said groggily.

"Alex? It's me."

"Olivia? What happened?"

"He called."

"Wow. Okay. I'll call the phone company and have them trace the call. I'll be over there in twenty minutes, okay? If the phone rings, don't answer it."

"Thanks, Alex," said Olivia weakly.

"No problem. See you in twenty."

Twenty minutes later, the doorbell rang. Olivia jumped and pressed the intercom. "Hello?"

"Liv, it's me."

"Okay. Come on up."

A minute later, Alex entered Olivia's apartment. "Wow, Liv, you look awful," she commented.

"Aw, thanks," replied Olivia sarcastically.

"Here, I'll get you a glass of water." Alex rushed to the kitchen and poured one for Olivia.

Olivia smiled to herself. It was one of Alex's more endearing qualities, the ability to take charge in any and every situation.

The phone rang. Olivia recoiled from it, so Alex answered. "Hello?" She listened for a moment, then said, "You are a disgusting, evil bastard who doesn't deserve life. We are going to find you and put you in prison for the rest of your miserable life." Then she hung up.

"Was – was that him?"

"Yes."

"What did he say?"

"Let's just say he has a very foul mouth. The phone company will be calling soon."

As if on cue, Alex's cell phone rang. She answered. "Hello?" She listened for a moment. "Oh. Okay. Okay. Thanks."

Alex hung up and turned to Olivia. "He called from a pay phone. Bastard. Pay phone near here, actually – just down the street."

Olivia's blood ran cold. "He's watching me."

Alex shrugged noncommittally. "Yup. Otherwise he wouldn't know about me. But this actually makes it easier because we know where he is right now. He can see us from where he is. That either means he's in an apartment on the opposite side of the road, and I can be pretty sure that he's not, or he's standing somewhere in the street, watching us."

"So what do we do?"

"Call Elliot, Munch, and Jeffries. It's the middle of the night. There aren't that many people on the street. They wait in the car and pick the guy up when they see him. Simple as that." She started dialing John Munch's number.

"And me?"

"No. You, Olivia, are staying right here."

"With you?"

"Of course."

"Thanks."

Alex put her finger to her lips. "Munch, we need you to come to Olivia's. The stalker. Yup. Okay, thanks." She hung up and turned to Alex. "He's coming." She called Jeffries and Elliot.

All three of them arrived half an hour later. They waited in two separate squad cars, cornering off the street while Olivia stayed in the apartment with Alex.

Ten minutes later, Alex's cell phone rang. "We got him," said Elliot shortly. "We're bringing him to the precinct now."

"I'll be there in ten," said Alex. She hung up and turned to Olivia. "Liv, they've got him. I'm going to meet Elliot, Munch, and Jeffries down at the station, okay?"

"No!" said Olivia, clinging onto this newfound lifeline. "I'm coming with you."

"No, you're not. You're staying here."

Olivia grabbed her coat. "You're not the boss of me. I'm coming."

Alex sighed. "Suit yourself."

Olivia followed Alex out to her car and Alex drove them to the station.

They got out of the car and went inside. "You can watch, but you're not coming in," Alex told Olivia firmly. "Stay on this side of the mirror. I'll be back."

Olivia nodded and swallowed hard. She pulled out a chair and sat down as Alex left, watching the three detectives circle her attacker. She recognized him and it sent shivers down her spine.

"Olivia," said the man, licking his lips. He was looking through the mirror, right at her. She knew he could sense that she was there. "Babe, I know you're watching this. You know I didn't rape you. You wanted it, remember?"

"I didn't," whispered Olivia, even though no one could hear her.

Alex entered the room. "Justin Granger, did you refuse your right to counsel?"

He leaned back on his chair. "Ah, the hot blonde. Yeah, I did."

"You are being held on charges of rape, stalking, harassment, and assault, Mr. Granger."

"There wasn't any of that," he replied. "Olivia wanted it."

Elliot clenched his fists. "You bastard! Olivia didn't want it. No one ever asks to be raped!"

Justin glanced around calmly. "I guess you would be the boyfriend. A bit protective, methinks."

"No. Just a friend."

He laughed. "Livvy has friends?"

"Many," said Alex sharply. "Now you are going to rot in prison for the rest of your miserable life."

"That's nice," he said. "But I want to see Olivia."

"You're not getting anywhere near her," snapped Alex. "So forget about that right now."

"How's this. I'll give you a confession if you give me Olivia."

"No way in hell!"

He shrugged. "Then you have no case."

"Oh, please. We don't need your confession."

"No, it's fine." Olivia appeared in the doorway. "What. Do. You. Want."

Justin's face relaxed into a smile. "Ah. Olivia."

"Olivia!" exclaimed Alex and Elliot in unison.

"No, it's okay. It's worth it."

"I'll give my confession to Olivia," said Justin.

Olivia sat down. "Okay. Talk."

"So first I called you a bunch of times. Then I came into your apartment. We had sex. Beautiful, lovely sex. Best I ever had. Then I left." He looked up innocently at Alex. "Done."

"No, not done," said Alex, noticing that Olivia was trembling. She took Olivia's hand. "You raped her. You did not have 'beautiful, lovely sex'. You _raped _her. Then you attacked her. You beat the crap out of her."

"Okay." Justin smiled. "I raped her. I attacked her. I beat the crap out of her. Can I go now?"

"No," said Alex. "You can't. Now you're going to stay in this cell and hang out here for three more hours until I can call a judge and get you arraigned."

"Can Olivia stay with me?"

"No," snapped Alex. "She can't. Thank you, Olivia. Let's go. Jeffries, you stay with this piece of trash. Munch, call Cragen."

"Yes, ma'am!" Munch saluted.

Alex put a hand on Olivia's shoulder and led her upstairs, Elliot following close behind. "Good job, Olivia," said Elliot when they were out of Justin's earshot.

"For what?"

"Facing him. That took guts."

Olivia smiled. "Well, we got what we needed."

"Right."


	29. Chapter 29

The trial was a week later. When Alex said, "The state calls Olivia Benson," the entire courtroom seemed to be holding its breath. Olivia clasped her hands together to stop them from shaking and made her way to the witness stand. She was sworn in and then Alex said gently, "Olivia, could you tell us what happened on the night of February 2nd, 1994?"

Olivia went over her story. She spoke softly, not making eye contact with either Justin or the judge. She stared straight at Alex the whole time.

"Thank you, Olivia," said Alex. She turned to the defense attorney. "Your witness."

Attorney Roger Kressler approached the witness stand. "So," he said to Olivia crudely. "How does it feel to be on the other side?"

Alex stood up, furious that this man was badgering her friend. "Objection! Is there a question?"

"Withdrawn," said the attorney.

Olivia, for her part, didn't react. She just stared at Kressler.

The attorney continued, "So, Olivia. When was the first time you met my client?"

"I was fourteen," Olivia answered. "I was hitchhiking and he picked me up. It was cold outside so he said he'd give me somewhere warm to sleep. I was hungry, cold, exhausted, you name it, so I went with him. He raped me."

"Why would a fourteen-year-old girl be hitchhiking, may I ask? Did you by any chance . . . run away?"

"Objection!" exclaimed Alex. "Relevance?"

"Where is this going, Mr. Kressler?" asked the judge.

"Laying groundwork," he responded.

"I'll allow it," said Judge Petrovsky.

Olivia swallowed, trying to keep her temper in check. "Yes, I did."

"Why?"

"My mother was a drunk. She was abusive."

"So that's why you left home?"

"Yes."

"Did your mother ever have any boyfriends?"

Alex saw where this was going. "Objection!"

"I'd like to see where this is going. Overruled. Detective Benson, please answer the question."

Olivia saw it, too. "Yes."

"Did any of them ever touch you – inappropriately?"

Olivia didn't say anything.

"Detective, you are under oath," the judge reminded her.

"I plead the fifth," said Olivia. She didn't want to admit to any more. She was just too ashamed.

"You can't plead the fifth," snapped Kressler. "Might I remind you that you are only allowed to do that if your answer will incriminate yourself?"

"No."

"Detective." Judge Petrovsky sighed. "Answer the question."

Olivia looked at Alex. "Judge, can I have a moment alone with the witness?"

"Objection," said Kressler. "She's going to feed the detective lies and tell her what to say. They're friends."

"Detective," repeated the judge. "You have to answer."

Olivia sighed. "Yes, okay? They did. Happy?"

Elliot's heart broke for his friend. Sitting in the courtroom, watching her admit to things she'd never told anyone before, things for which she blamed herself, cut into him like a knife.

"Excuse me," said Alex, standing up. "But I don't see how making Olivia relive some of the most painful years of her life is relevant to this case."

The judge glared at Kressler. "Where are you going with this?"

"Just wait," said Kressler.

Judge Petrovsky nodded so Kressler continued.

"How many times did it happen?"

"Too many," replied Olivia.

"Answer the question."

She shrugged. "I don't know."

"More or less than ten?"

Olivia bowed her head. "More."

"How old were you the first time it happened?"

"The first time I remember, I was three or four."

"How long did it continue for?"

"Ever since. It didn't stop."

"One guy?"

"No, different ones. My mother had bad taste in men."

"I see. Could you explain exactly what the men did to you?"

Olivia sighed. "I don't think the court has that kind of time."

"All right. So do you think it's possible that, due to the sexual abuse you suffered since early childhood, you have an unhealthy view about sex?"

"It's possible," she conceded.

"Then is it possible that you misinterpreted the intentions of a nice man who wanted to help out a child? It was twenty years ago, after all. Perhaps he just let you stay in his house, you thought of your mother's boyfriends, and got scared for no reason? Then you convinced yourself that he had raped you, when in fact it was completely innocuous?"

Olivia looked Kressler straight in the eye. "No. I know exactly what happened."

"But how can you be sure?" he pressed.

"Have you ever been sexually abused?"

"That isn't your business, but the answer is no."

"You never forget something like that. Take it from someone who knows."

"Is it possible that my client found you attractive and wanted a healthy sexual relationship with you, yet you misinterpreted his intentions? I'm not talking about twenty years ago, because for all you know, that wasn't even him. I mean last week."

"No."

"When was the last time you did have a healthy sexual relationship?"

Olivia looked at the ground.

Alex saw what this was doing to her friend and stood up. "Objection! The witness is not the one on trial."

"Watch yourself, counselor," warned the judge.

"Never," whispered Olivia.

"So I think it's safe to say that you, not having been in a healthy relationship before, might not recognize the difference between healthy and unhealthy sex. Therefore, you might have unknowingly made a false allegation of rape."

"I didn't," she repeated, keeping her cool exterior even though she was boiling inside.

"No further questions," said Kressler, a small smile on his face.

When they were done and the jury went to deliberate, Alex pulled Kressler aside. "You sadistic bastard," she spat. "You know Olivia. You know she's a good person and she didn't make this up. You just made her relive the worst moments of her life for no reason except for your ego. Did you _see _her up there? This is _Olivia_. You reduced her to – to . . ." For once, Alex Cabot was speechless. Then she found her voice. "Do you enjoy torturing my friend?"

"Oh, so _that's_ what this is about."

"No, it isn't, but you just made her think about a trauma that she probably hadn't thought about it years. Then you accused her of lying about that trauma. Do you honestly think Olivia would make up something so traumatic? Do you honestly think _anyone _would make up something so traumatic?"

"Well, I really don't know. That is what this trial is going to determine."

"You don't know Olivia like I do."

Kressler smirked. "And neither does the jury."

Alex, the ice queen, who had never before laid a finger on a suspect in a crime, clenched her hands and put them behind her back. She was afraid that she would punch Kressler's lights out for even daring to suggest that Olivia could be lying. This was _Olivia_. Olivia, who tried so hard to be so strong even when it wasn't expected of her. Olivia, who blamed herself for every little thing. Olivia, who had been to hell and back and still managed to make it out, safe, alive, and have a life. Olivia, who was the bravest, most resilient person she knew.

"You. Are. A. Prick," Alex choked out.

Kressler laughed. "Why, thank you." He was enjoying this. Even though he knew his client was guilty as sin, he still was having fun.

Alex, refusing to be further enticed, turned on her heel and walked away. Back to Olivia, who needed her now.


	30. Chapter 30

Olivia was sitting with Elliot on the bench outside the courtroom. His arm was draped over her shoulders and she was trembling, her face pale. They weren't speaking. Olivia was taking mere comfort in Elliot's presence.

Alex sat down next to them. "I'm sorry, Liv," she whispered, squeezing her friend's icy, clammy hand. "Are you all right?"

She was white as a ghost but she nodded. "I'm fine." This was Olivia, too proud to admit she wasn't fine and she needed help.

Alex didn't say anything about Olivia's revelation on the witness stand. It would be just wrong to bring up something so painful.

Olivia, surprisingly, brought it up herself. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you, Alex," she said. "I didn't realize he would do that."

Alex swallowed. "I understand. I know it's hard for you to talk about. You've been through a lot."

She sighed. "I just – I mean, they kind of sprung it on you and it might have wrecked the case."

Alex rolled her eyes. "Oh, please. The jury will see right through that bullshit. They'll realize it isn't true."

Olivia met her gaze. "Really? Because_ I'm_ not sure it isn't."

"Of course it's not, Liv. Don't be ridiculous. You are a normal, functioning adult. Even though you've been through so much, you're fine. Better than fine, in fact. You do what others can only dream of. You help people. And you're so good at it, too."

"That's what makes you special," added Elliot.

"Oh, stop it," said Olivia, but she was smiling a bit.

"Olivia, you can't actually believe all this crap about the abuse you suffered wrecking you for life. It hasn't, Liv. If anything, it's made you a better person," said Alex.

Olivia put her head on Elliot's shoulder. "Thank you, Alex."

Detective Munch came out of the courtroom. "Sorry to break up this little party, but the jury's returned with a verdict."

Alex leapt up. Olivia followed slowly, clutching Elliot's hand. He led her to sit in the front row of the courtroom.

"Has the jury reached their verdict?" asked the judge.

"The jury has, Your Honor."

"On the count of assault on a police officer in the first degree, how do you find?"

Olivia held her breath.

"We find the defendant guilty."

"On the count of stalking in the first degree, how do you find?"

"We find the defendant guilty."

"On the count of rape in the first degree, how do you find?"

"We find the defendant guilty."

"On the count of harassment in the first degree, how do you find?"

"We find the defendant guilty, Your Honor."

Judge Petrovsky nodded. "I sentence you to life in prison without possibility of parole for twenty-five years."

Olivia, leaning against Elliot for support, burst into tears.


	31. Chapter 31

A month later, Olivia was at the hospital having biyearly checkup when the doctor stopped and said, "Olivia, when was the last time you had sexual intercourse?"

Olivia's pulse raced. "I was raped six weeks ago."

"Why didn't you come to the hospital and get a rape kit done? As a detective, you know how important that is."

"I was ashamed," she whispered.

"Olivia, I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but you are six weeks pregnant."

The world fell away. It was only her and this baby, her rapist's baby, inside her. Now she knew how her own mother must have felt.

"What are you going to do?"

Olivia was strongly against abortion. She wouldn't kill this child inside her. What if her own mother had killed her just because she was the daughter of a rapist? "I'm going to keep this baby. He or she is my child just as much as Justin's, even more so."

"All right. Come back in six weeks and we'll do another checkup, just to make sure the baby's okay."

She nodded. "Thank you."

* * *

The next morning when Olivia went in to work, she pulled Alex aside. "Alex," she said. "I'm pregnant."

Alex burst into a grin. She knew Olivia loved children and would be an excellent mother. "That's great!" Then the smile faded. "Olivia, who's the father?"

Olivia looked at the ground. "Justin."

"Oh. But you're keeping the baby?"

Olivia nodded. "I can love him or her just as well."

"Of course," said Alex quickly, realizing this was a pressure point for her friend.

Olivia took a deep breath. "Do you think I can do this?"

"You're going to be a great mother," Alex told her.

Olivia smiled. "Aw, thanks."

"Thought of any names yet?"

She laughed. "I'm only six weeks along!"

"I know what you could name him if he's a boy."

"What?"

"Elliot."

"Stop!" Olivia giggled.

"Did you tell anyone else?"

"Nope. But I'm going to tell Elliot. Later."

"Tell me what?" Elliot was standing in the doorway, looking at them.

"I'm pregnant," Olivia told him. Before Elliot could even open his mouth, she added, "Yes, the baby is Justin's, and yes, I'm keeping it anyway. I wouldn't even be here if my mother hadn't kept the product of her rape."

Elliot nodded. "But, Liv, you really need to make this decision for yourself."

"I know. But I want to do it. I want to be a good mother to this child. I want to be the kind of mother I would have liked to have."

"You'll be a great mother," Elliot told her.

"Thanks, El."


	32. Chapter 32

Eight months later, Elliot and Alex were gathered around Olivia in her hospital bed. Olivia was holding her beautiful new baby girl. Alex was sitting cross-legged on the bed next to Olivia. She had been Olivia's labor coach.

"She's beautiful, Liv," choked out Elliot. "Just like her mother."

Olivia smiled and gave the little girl a kiss.

"Do you know what her name is?" Alex asked Elliot with an impish grin.

"What is it?"

"Caitlin Alexandra," said Olivia, beaming. "After my best friend Alex."

Elliot pretended to be hurt. "I thought I was your best friend."

Olivia laughed. "If it was a boy, I would have named him Elliot, after my other best friend."

He chuckled. "You are so full of it."

Olivia rocked the baby gently in her arms.

"Elliot!"

They looked up and saw Kathy standing in the doorway, acute displeasure written on her face.

"Hey, Kath," Elliot greeted her.

She glared at him. "I've been trying to call you for hours!"

"Oh. I must have my phone off."

"I was worried about you, El. You can't keep your phone off like that."

He sighed. "What's the matter?"

"Dickie got suspended for punching a kid in the face."

"So? You're a parent. You can take care of him for three hours," snapped Elliot.

"He wants _you_," bit out Kathy. "If precious Olivia's child is more important than your own, then maybe you should go marry her."

Elliot sighed again. "Fine. I'm coming, Kathy. Sorry, Liv. The baby's beautiful. She looks just like you."

Olivia raised her eyebrows. "'Precious Olivia?'"

"Drop it." He followed Kathy away.

Olivia turned to Alex. "What's all that about?"

"Jealously. Same old, same old."

Olivia stared at her. "I remember that when my mother died, Kathy let me stay at her house. She was the one who suggested it, actually. And now she's jealous of me?"

"Well, honestly, you probably spend more time with her husband than she does."

"I guess," admitted Olivia. "But she's his wife."

"And yet, you love him, Olivia."

"I know," she replied. "That's what makes it so hard."


	33. Chapter 33

"Elliot," snarled Kathy on their way out. "If you have something to say to me, I want to hear it."

"What do you want me to say, Kath? She's my friend. I was with my partner and her new baby for all of two hours. I don't see the problem with that."

"Your son needs you!" she shot back.

Elliot sighed. "You don't need to embarrass me in front of –"

"I know, I know. Olivia will think –"

"What have you got against Olivia?"

Kathy stopped short. "Elliot, is something going on here?"

"No!" he exclaimed. "Kathy, you are my wife. I love you and the kids more than anything else in the entire world. I would never do anything to hurt you. But Olivia's my friend. She isn't my wife, she isn't my girlfriend, but she is my friend."

"Really," said Kathy sarcastically. "Friend in bed, maybe?"

"Kathy! What's gotten into you? Why are you acting like this? What's the matter? We're just friends, and partners. We grew up together, Kath."

She paused. "You never told me that."

"We did. We were best friends for a year. She stayed with my family for a few months. We were close."

"Why?"

"Her mom . . . did a lot of bad things to her. I shouldn't talk about it without Olivia's permission."

That set Kathy off again. "Oh, so you keep secrets from your wife now? Something that I can't know that's between you and Olivia? I'll bet that necklace you always carry around in your pocket is hers, too, isn't it?"

Out of habit, Elliot reached into his pocket for Olivia's necklace.

She sighed. "I guess that's my answer." She quickened her pace and strode away.

He struggled to keep up. "Kath, wait! I love you."

She didn't look back. "You love Olivia more."

"Kathy –"

But she was gone.


	34. Chapter 34

"Alex," said Olivia. "You don't have to stay here with me, you know. You can go home. I'm with the baby. I'm fine."

"I know. If you want me to leave, I will," replied Alex slyly.

"No, no, no. You can stay." Olivia smiled and looked down at her little girl again. "Isn't she beautiful?" she gushed for what must have been the hundredth time.

"She is," agreed Alex.

Caitlin woke up and immediately started to cry. Olivia started to rock her gently and give her kisses. "Shh. Baby," she whispered. "It's okay."

Alex watched her with her daughter and smiled. Olivia really was going to make a great mother – which was surprising, considering she'd never had an example to follow.

Olivia didn't say anything for a moment and then she said something she'd been wondering about ever since she got pregnant. "Alex, do you think my mom would be proud of me?"

Alex paused, considering. Finally, she reached out and took Olivia's hand. "Yes."

"Really?"

"Of course. How could she _not_ be?"

Olivia smiled. Her mother had never been proud of her for anything her entire life and Alex's words comforted her. She didn't understand why she still craved her mother's affection and praise, even though her mother was dead. Ever since she was a child, she'd wanted her mother's attention, her mother's acceptance, her mother's love. Even though Serena Benson was an abusive drunk who had caused her daughter nothing but misery, Olivia suddenly thought that her mother ought to be here to see her first grandchild. But then, Serena would probably hate little Caitlin, just like she'd hated Olivia, just because she was the product of a rape.

Blinking back tears, Olivia stroked her baby's head. She had been alone all her life, but now it was her and Caitlin, the two of them. She had Elliot, she had Alex, and now she had her little girl. Life was better than she could have ever expected. She was in heaven already.


	35. Chapter 35 Two and a half years later

"Mommy!" screeched Caitlin from a swing at Central Park. "Push me!"

Olivia smiled at her little girl. She turned away from Elliot and gave Caitlin another push.

"I can go higher than you!" said Elizabeth, pumping her legs on the adjacent swing.

Caitlin pouted. "That's 'cause you're bigger than me. You're a big girl. You're five."

Elliot and Olivia smiled at each other, happy that their kids were having fun together. Dickie and Kathleen were playing on the slides while Caitlin and Elizabeth played on the swings.

"Mommy," said Caitlin again. "Push me higher!"

"What do you say, Caitlin?" Olivia prompted her.

She gave her mother a lopsided grin. "Please, Mommy."

Olivia pushed her higher.

Caitlin stuck her tongue out at Elizabeth. "I'm higher than you now!"

"That's 'cause your mommy's pushing you. Daddy, push me!"

Dickie ran up to Elliot, pouting. "Daddy, Kathleen pushed me. Look." He rolled up his sleeve to show a reddish tinge.

"Kathleen!" called Elliot. "Be nice to your brother."

Dickie shrugged. He climbed on to the swing next to Elizabeth's and began to pump his legs. "Lizzie, Cate, if you close your eyes when you're on a swing, you feel like you're flying! Try it."

The girls tried it. Caitlin smiled in rapture and clapped her hands. "It works!"

The kids were so engrossed in this newfound discovery that they didn't even notice when Elliot and Olivia sat down on a bench, watching the children.

"So, El, how are things with Kathy?" asked Olivia casually.

Elliot shrugged. "Fine. She's out shopping with Maureen – she needs a grad dress."

"Oh, right, Maureen's graduating this year!"

"She's really excited."

Olivia smiled wanly. "I hated high school."

Elliot smiled back. "I know."

"Well, until I met you," she amended.

"Aw, you're so full of it."

Olivia laughed. "We had some good times."

"Yeah. Remember Brianna?"

She made a face. "Don't remind me!"

"Did I ever tell her what I did to her after you left?"

That caught her attention. "No. What did you do?"

"I took her cell phone and sent some . . . let's say _explicit _. . . text messages to, um, the principal."

She gasped. "No! You didn't."

"Yes, actually, I did. She got a three week suspension. And they never found out it was me. But hey, she had it coming."

Olivia grinned. "My protector."

"Always."

They heard a scream and looked toward their kids. Elizabeth was sitting on the ground, tears streaking down her cheeks. Olivia and Elliot ran to her.

Olivia knelt down next to Elizabeth. "What happened, sweetie?"

Elizabeth's lower lip trembled. "I jumped off."

Elliot sighed. "Why'd you do that?"

"'Cause Dickie was doing it."

"_I'm_ fine," said Dickie. "Not my fault you got hurt."

"Dickie," said Elliot, helping his daughter to her feet. "No more jumping off swings. It's dangerous. Elizabeth, you too."

"Mommy," called Caitlin. "I'm hungry."

Olivia lifted her daughter out of the swing. "Want a banana?"

Caitlin grinned. "Yeah. I'm a monkey!"

Olivia carried Caitlin over to a picnic table and sat down beside her, handing her some fruit.

Kathleen ran over. "Can I have one?"

Olivia handed her a banana and Kathleen sat down next to Caitlin. "Did you have fun swinging, Catie?" asked Kathleen.

Olivia smiled as Caitlin nodded, her mouth full, her cheeks like a chipmunk's. Kathleen – all of Elliot's kids, actually – were always so good with her daughter.

Elliot ambled over, holding a twin by each hand. "It's time to go now, guys. Mommy just called and she's going to meet us at home."

Olivia shouldered her purse. "We'd better get going too, Catie."

"I'll drive you," offered Elliot.

She smiled. "That's okay. We can take a cab."

"I insist," he said gallantly.

Olivia smiled impishly. "In that case, I accept."

They climbed into Elliot's car and he dropped Olivia and Caitlin off at their apartment. Caitlin had fallen asleep on the ride, so Olivia took her daughter into her arms and carried her into their apartment. She took off Caitlin's shoes and laid her down in her bedroom.

Olivia stood over Caitlin for a moment, watching her daughter sleeping peacefully. She smiled at her daughter as only a proud mother can before tucking her little girl into bed and giving her a kiss on the forehead. She didn't know it was possible to love another human being so completely. She didn't even know she had this much love inside her to begin with.

But when she had her daughter, everything changed. The world was suddenly so much more vast, more beautiful, more pure. She wanted to show Caitlin the world, yet protect her at the same time, shield her from any and every imaginable pain. Her life suddenly revolved around this little human being, who she would die for but who she would live for, too. This was for her daughter.


	36. Chapter 36

Caitlin, wearing a pretty pink dress, her light hair done up neatly in pigtails, was ready for her first day of kindergarten. She shouldered her Disney princess backpack and smiled at her mother. "I'm a big girl now," she informed Olivia. "See, I have my big girl backpack and my big girl snack and my big girl lunch and my big girl clothes and my big girl shoes."

Olivia expertly positioned her daughter against the wall. "Smile, Cate."

She clicked two or three pictures before Caitlin folded her arms and pouted. "No more pictures, Mommy," she huffed, grabbing Olivia's hand. "Time to go!"

Olivia smiled and obediently put away the camera. She took Caitlin by the hand as they walked toward Olivia's car. She lifted her daughter into her booster seat and drove to Caitlin's new school.

She took Caitlin by the hand and they went to Caitlin's new classroom. Her teacher smiled at them. "Hello. What's your name, sweetie?"

"I'm Caitlin," she said importantly, letting go of her mother's hand. "And this is my mom."

Her teacher laughed. "I'm your teacher, Ms. Riley. It's nice to meet you."

Olivia nudged her daughter and Caitlin said politely, "Nice to meet you, too."

Olivia nodded approvingly and knelt down in front of her daughter. "I'm going now, Catie. You have a good day at school. I'll see you this afternoon, okay?"

Caitlin nodded.

"Can I have a hug?"

Caitlin rolled her eyes and Olivia smiled, having a flash of what her little girl would be like as a teenager. But Caitlin obediently held out her arms and gave Olivia a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

"Goodbye, sweetheart."

"Bye-bye Mommy." She blew her a kiss.

Olivia smiled again as she left the classroom. She drove down to the precinct and went inside.

"What are you so happy about?" asked Elliot suspiciously.

She shrugged. "Aren't I just allowed to be happy?"

Elliot marveled at how much his partner had changed over the last four years. Olivia never used to smile or laugh, but now she seemed so much happier. It was amazing what this child had done for her.

"It's Caitlin's first day of school," she explained. "She's so excited. She's getting so big!"

"Be careful, Liv. The days will fly faster and faster and soon they'll be gone. Enjoy it while you have it because in ten years you'll miss it. Ten years and she'll be a teenager."

Olivia gasped in mock agony. "God forbid!"

"I know the feeling. Kids are amazing, aren't they?"

"They change your whole outlook on life," agreed Olivia.

"Olivia, Elliot," said Captain Cragen, coming out of his office. "We need you. ACS called us – child abuse case."

Olivia and Elliot looked at each other and sighed. How fitting. "We're on our way."

They reached the apartment ten minutes later. The detectives went up to the fifth floor and knocked on the second door. "Police, open up!" called Elliot.

A woman came to the door and opened it. "Yes?"

"Mrs. Ellis?"

"That's me," said the tall, nervous woman.

"Can we come in?" asked Olivia.

The woman hesitated. "Sure . . ."

She stepped aside and led the detectives into the family room and invited them to sit on the couch.

"Are your children home?" asked Olivia.

Mrs. Ellis laughed tensely. "It's a school day."

"They're at school?"

"Actually, no. Jackson is but Emma wasn't feeling too well. She's in her room."

"Mind if I go in and talk to her?"

"Actually, I do. She's contagious."

"I have a strong immune system," said Olivia. She turned and went to locate the Emma's room.

The little girl with blonde hair and big blue eyes was laying on her bed, stroking her teddy bear.

"Hey, Emma," said Olivia, perching on the edge of the bed. "You're not feeling too well?"

Emma looked up and shook her head. Her arm was bent at an unnatural angle and she had a large bruise on her cheek and another on her wrist. She looked to be about five years old. Olivia's heart caught in her chest. This little girl reminded her so much of her own daughter that it made her especially sad. No, not sad. Angry. No, not angry. _Furious. _How could anyone hurt such an innocent child?

Emma shrugged. "I'm okay."

"My name's Olivia," she said. "I'm a police officer and I'm here to help you."

Emma looked at her teddy bear and held it toward Olivia. "This is Mr. Bear."

"Hi, Mr. Bear," said Olivia seriously, shaking the teddy's hand. "It's nice to meet you."

Emma giggled.

Satisfied that she'd won the little girl over, she said, "Can I ask you some questions, Emma?"

She hesitated. "Okay."

"So, Emma, do you get along well with your parents?"

She shrugged. "I guess."

"Does your brother?"

"Yes."

"Emma, have your parents ever hurt you or Jackson?"

Emma paused. "Well, sometimes if I'm bad . . . they spank me."

"They spank you?"

Emma nodded, her eyes wide.

"What happens when they spank you?"

Emma hesitated again. "Daddy does it usually. He makes me take off my clothes and he makes me lie down over his lap and then he spanks me."

"With his hand?"

"Sometimes. Sometimes he uses his belt. Then he makes me lie on the bed."

"What about Jackson?"

"He gets to keep his underwear on, 'cause he's a big boy."

"Emma," said Olivia. "It's never okay for any man to ever hit you when you're not wearing any clothes."

"Even as a punishment?"

"Even then."

Emma faltered. "Olivia, can I tell you something else?"

"Sure, honey."

"But it's a secret."

"Sometimes it's a good idea to tell secrets, especially if they hurt or they make you uncomfortable. And if you tell a police officer, they can help you."

The little girl nodded. "Well, sometimes . . . sometimes at night . . . sometimes after Daddy spanks me . . . sometimes when Mommy isn't home . . . Daddy, he – he pulls down his pants and he makes me take off my clothes and he – he touches me."

"Where does he touch you?"

Emma began to cry and didn't say anything.

Olivia put a hand on the little girl's shoulder and looked her in the eye. "Emma, I know this is hard for you to talk about, but I need you to tell me." Then she had an idea. She grabbed one of Emma's dolls. "Emma, what's her name?"

"Angelina," she replied with a sob.

"That's a pretty name. Could you show me on Angelina where Daddy touches you?"

Emma nodded and took the doll from Olivia. She pointed to the doll's back, bottom, and private area.

Olivia sighed. "Okay, sweetie. Everything's going to be okay. You did the right thing by telling me this. We're going to protect you."

Emma sniffled. "Will you come back and see me?"

The detective nodded. "I'm going to go talk to your mommy now, okay?"

"Don't tell her what I said!"

"I won't," Olivia assured her. "Bye, sweetie."

"Bye, Olivia."

This case had ruined Olivia's day. It was so personal – this little girl was her own daughter's age. It was just luck of the draw that Caitlin was her daughter, born to a mother who loved her very much, and Emma was born to abusive parents. Yet perhaps Caitlin wasn't so lucky after all – she had no father, no grandparents, no family except Olivia. All she had were Olivia's colleagues; Alex, Elliot.

When Olivia picked up Caitlin from school, the little girl chattered about her day. "We went out for recess with the big kids and we played soccer and we sang the ABC songs but I already knew it 'cause you taught me it a long time ago and I had the nicest lunch box. And I made friends with Sarah and Sharon and Lena. And there's _boys _in our class who always wanna play with us and Jayden tried to kiss Sharon and she let him!"

"Uh huh," said Olivia distractedly, swerving as she narrowly avoided hitting a taxi. She was still focused on poor Emma.

"Mommy," whined Caitlin in frustration, kicking the seat. "You're not listening to me!"

"Don't do that, Caitlin," she said.

"Mommy, what's wrong?"

"Nothing, sweetie. I'm sorry. I just had a hard day."

"Problems with Elliot?" asked Caitlin knowingly, sounding like an adult rather than the four-year-old she was.

Olivia laughed. "No, honey. I'm fine."

But that night after Olivia had given Caitlin her bath and read her a story, she gave her daughter an extra long hug, thanking God for the blessings He had given her and her daughter.


	37. Chapter 37

Caitlin loved school. She came home every day happily chattering about painting, learning to write her name, playing with a parachute, taking a trip to Central Park. Olivia set up play dates for Caitlin every weekend, glad that her daughter was making friends in school, unlike Olivia had at that age. Caitlin interacted so easily with people that Olivia marveled at it, considering Olivia didn't exactly model such sociable behavior.

One day, though, Caitlin came home in tears. "What's the matter, sweetheart?" asked Olivia.

"Mommy, where's my daddy?"

Olivia's heart raced. She knew that this was inevitable; soon enough, her daughter would realize that other kids had fathers and she didn't. How could she explain rape to her little girl? She didn't want to lie and say he was dead – as Caitlin grew older, she would hate her mother for it. She didn't want to explain that she was raped and traumatize her daughter as her own mother had traumatized her.

"Well, sweetheart," began Olivia. "Your father did something very, very bad to me and I didn't want you to ever go through that. It's my job to protect you. And when someone does something bad, what happens?"

"They get a consequence."

"Right. So your daddy's consequence was that he had to go to jail. But that doesn't mean I love you any less, sweetie. You're still my beautiful, wonderful little girl and I love you more than anything else in the whole wide world."

Caitlin considered this, then accepted it with a nod. "I love you, too, Mommy. More than anything else in the whole wide world." She flashed Olivia an impish grin. "Except maybe chocolate ice cream."

"That's good to hear," said Olivia with a smile. "I am so proud that I am loved, second only to chocolate ice cream."

Caitlin giggled. "Can we pick some up on the way home?"

"Sure, baby. Do you want to stop at Dairy Queen?"

"Yeah."

Olivia breathed a deep sigh, relieved that her daughter hadn't been overly curious or upset by the revelation. She just accepted it and moved on, making a joke about ice cream. Olivia marveled at how easy it had been. She guessed that it had a lot to do with how it was said, though. Her mother had made such a big deal of it, even blaming Olivia herself for the rape. So her father the rapist had been a major part of Olivia's life, always hanging over her like a dark, stormy cloud. Olivia, though, had answered her daughter's question honestly, without placing any blame or making much of a big deal out of it. Hopefully, her daughter would not be damaged by her lack of a father.

They ordered their ice cream. Caitlin licked her chocolate cone contentedly, seemingly unbothered by Olivia's revelation. Olivia tried not to dwell as she sipped her milkshake.

Caitlin changed the subject. "You know what we did at school today?"

"What did you do?"

Caitlin beamed. "We made fruit smoothies!"

"That sounds like fun. Were they yummy?"

"Yeah. I got to do the strawberries. Ms. Riley sent home the recipe for all the mommies. Can we make a smoothie this weekend?"

"Sure, sweetie. Do we need to go shopping?"

Caitlin shook her head. "No. We just need strawberries, bananas, orange juice, and apple juice."

"That sounds easy enough."

"Yeah. It was cool. Oh, and next week we're going to the pumpkin patch! We can each get a little pumpkin and Ms. Riley's gonna help us carve them. I'm gonna make a princess pumpkin!"

Olivia smiled. "How are you going to do that?"

"I'm gonna give her a tiara."

"The pumpkin?"

"Yeah!"

"Good luck with that," said Olivia with a laugh.

Caitlin finished her ice cream cone and threw out her napkin. "I got a new library book. Will you read it to me when we get home?"

"Sure."

Olivia drove them back home, trying to push thoughts of the man who raped her from her mind, trying not to think of the trauma his absence might cause in the future.


	38. Chapter 38

"Mommy," chattered Caitlin. "Today we played soccer at recess and I scored two goals!"

"Wow, Catie, that's great," said Olivia, glancing at her daughter and noticing an elephant charm bracelet on her wrist. "What's that?"

"What's what?"

"On your wrist. Where did you get that bracelet?"

Caitlin smiled. "The man on the playground gave it to me."

Olivia turned to face her daughter in the back seat, narrowly missing hitting a sedan. "What man on the playground?"

She shrugged. "I don't know."

"Caitlin, honey, I need you to think," said Olivia, starting to worry. "What man on the playground?"

"I don't think I was s'post to tell you," said Caitlin reluctantly. "He was there today and he was there last week and the week before. He's nice."

"Does he talk to you?"

"Yeah."

"Does he talk to your friends?"

"No, just me."

"What does he say?"

Caitlin giggled. "You're such a detective, Mommy."

Olivia sighed. "Please, Caitlin. What does he say?"

"He asks me about school and my friends and you."

Olivia's pulse began to race. "What does he know about me?"

"He knew your name, and he knew you were a detective, and he knew Elliot and Alex. He knew I didn't have a daddy or a grandma or grandpa. Mommy, what's rape?"

Olivia's heart pounded in her chest. "Who said that to you?"

Caitlin squinted her eyes in concentration. "The man. He said my grandpa raped my grandma and that's how come you were born. What does that mean?"

"Nothing, sweetie," replied Olivia quickly. "Nothing."

"Mommy, the man said he's my daddy."

Olivia swerved violently. "Caitlin, you must never talk to this man again. If you ever see him, you run and tell a teacher."

"Is he a bad man, Mommy?"

"No, but remember what I told you about your father, Catie?"

"He did something bad so he had to go to jail. He hurt you and you don't want him to hurt me," she recited.

"Right, so that's why seeing him isn't a good idea right now. I need you to promise me, sweetheart, that you will go inside and tell your teacher if you see him. Promise?"

"I promise."


	39. Chapter 39

Elliot looked up as Olivia walked into the precinct the next morning, her daughter perched on her hip. He looked up. "Hey, Liv. Hi, Catie. What's the big occasion?"

Olivia sighed. "It's complicated. I'll tell you in a few minutes."

She set her daughter up at a table with a coloring book before turning back to Elliot.

"El, we have a problem. I need you to check and see if Justin Granger has been released from jail."

"What? I thought he had twenty-five to life!" exclaimed Elliot, pulling up the file on his computer and turning to Olivia with wide eyes. "Oh, my God, Liv! He appealed his conviction and got out two months ago. How did we not know about this?

Olivia put her hand over her mouth. "Oh, my God. Oh, my God. He – he knows where we live. He knows where Caitlin goes to school. He knows everything! He's been seeing my daughter. Oh, my God!"

"Do you think he'll hurt you again?"

She swallowed, seeming to compose herself. "No, no, no. I'm fine. I just – I think I'll keep Caitlin home for a couple days."

"That sounds like a good idea. But Liv, if he's stalking you –"

"He's not, El. I'm overreacting. I'm a big girl. I can take care of myself. And Caitlin."

"I'd feel safer if you had _some _protection, at least. Why don't I go check it out, see if it really is Justin at the playground?"

"No, that's okay." Olivia knew that if it _was _Justin, Elliot would kill him, and she didn't want that. Did she?

"Olivia," said Elliot. "Go home. Spend the day with your daughter."

"Fine. Thanks, El." She turned to Caitlin. "Come on, Catie. We're leaving."

"Am I going back to school?"

"No. I'm going to stay home with you today. Does that sound good?"

Caitlin nodded and took hold of her mother's hand.

* * *

The next day, Olivia dropped Caitlin off at the precinct and told Elliot to look after her for a few hours.

"Where are you going?" he asked, already knowing the answer.

She swallowed. "I'd rather not say."

"Be careful, Liv."

"I'll be fine." She knelt down in front of her daughter and gave her a kiss. "I'll be back later, okay? You show Elliot your princess pictures."

Caitlin nodded and left the precinct. She drove to her daughter's school and sat in the parking lot. She waited.

Finally she saw the black sedan that Caitlin had described to her. Her heart pounded in her chest as she saw the man in the driver's seat.

It was unmistakably Justin Granger.


	40. Chapter 40

Though she knew it was foolish, Olivia sat in the car. She waited.

Justin saw her, she could tell. He parked the sedan and climbed out, making his ay toward Olivia. He rapped on her window. "Hey, Livvy."

Her pulse quickened. Her hands began to sweat. She was finding it difficult to breathe. She knew she should drive away, call Elliot, call 911, _something_, but she didn't. She unrolled her window halfway. "What do you want?" she snapped.

He grinned. "You."

"Stay away from my daughter!"

"She's a cute kid, but that's okay. I don't care about her. I care about you. But hey, just out of curiosity – is she mine?"

"No," she ground out. "She's _mine_."

"I take that as a yes. She's, what, four, almost five now? Yeah, I remember."

"What do you want from me?"

"I think you know already."

He was never going to stop. "You stay away from here," she growled, rolling the window back up.

He grinned. "I'll do what I like." But he turned, walked away, got back into his sedan, and drove off.

Olivia let out a deep breath, but it was barely any consolation. Justin was here. She would never be safe.

She climbed out of her car and went to talk to Caitlin's teacher. She had to make sure that her daughter would be safe, if and when she returned to school.

She knocked on the classroom door. It was recess time and Ms. Riley was sitting at her desk. She looked up when Olivia entered the room. "Ms. Benson?"

Olivia took a deep breath. "Hi. Um, can I talk to you about something?"

"About Caitlin? She's a great kid. She's really bright, she's doing really well. She's made friends already."

"Yes. No. It's about her father."

"What about him?"

"I told you, I told the secretaries, I told everyone she doesn't have one. I put that on the contact forms. But that's kind of not the truth."

Caitlin's teacher didn't say anything, just looked at her.

"Well, I'd rather not get into any details, but he's been in prison for the last five years and he just got out. It isn't safe for Caitlin to be around him. But Caitlin said he'd been at the school at recess time, talking to her, asking about her – and me. Please, just keep an eye on her for me."

"I will. What does this man look like?"

"Um, tall, about five ten or five eleven. Brown hair, brown eyes, clean shaven, muscular. Caitlin knows to come tell you, but just the same . . . please."

"I'll look out for her."

Olivia sighed. "Thank you."

"Will Caitlin be back tomorrow? We miss her."

"Probably. She's doing okay, so we'll see. I just . . . wanted her with me, today."

Ms. Riley nodded. "I understand."

"Thanks," said Olivia. "We'll probably see you tomorrow."

"Take care."

She got back in the car and drove back to the precinct to pick up her daughter.

"Glad to see you, Liv," said Elliot.

"Hey, El. Hey, Catie."

"I drew a princess picture, Mommy." Caitlin held up her coloring book.

"Very nice," said Olivia. "Sweetie, go grab your coat, okay? I need to talk to Elliot for a few minutes."

Caitlin nodded and went off to find it.

"So, was it him?" asked Elliot.

Olivia nodded. "Yeah."

"But he didn't try anything?"

"No. I talked to Caitlin's teacher, told her to look out for Justin, keep an eye on Cate. She has to go back to school tomorrow. I'm just being paranoid. I can't keep her out of school any longer."

Elliot sighed. "Call me if you need anything, okay?"

"Yeah. Thanks, El."


	41. Chapter 41

Caitlin went back to school the next day and Olivia spent every second worrying about her. "Go home, Liv!" Captain Cragen finally snapped. "You're not doing anyone any good being here."

Olivia opened her mouth to argue but thought the better of it. She knew he was right. "Thank you, Captain."

She considered driving to Caitlin's schoo1to make sure everything was okay. She had the overwhelming urge to be with her daughter, but she knew being paranoid wouldn't help Caitlin in the long run. She resisted and drove herself home.

She paced around the apartment for an hour or so before deciding it was time to go pick up her daughter. Sure, she'd be twenty minutes early, but she couldn't wait any longer to see her baby.

She jumped out of the car and sprinted into the school. She was, in fact, half an hour early. "You can go down to your daughter's classroom," offered the secretary at the front desk, and Olivia did so.

She raced to her daughter's kindergarten classroom and knocked on the door. Ms. Riley was handing out take-home folders to the children. She looked up and smiled when she saw Olivia. "Hello, Ms. Benson."

Olivia gave her a wan smile and scanned the carpet anxiously for her daughter. She breathed a sigh of relief when she saw her little girl. Caitlin gave her a big smile and a wave. "How come you're here, Mommy?"

"No reason," said Olivia. She turned to Ms. Riley, feeling slightly embarrassed that she had disrupted the class for no particular reason. "Can I just sit down and wait for Caitlin?"

Ms. Riley nodded and turned back to the children. She finished handing out the folders and told them to put on their coats and outdoor shoes. When they were ready, they sat down on the bench and sang their goodbye song that Caitlin loved. "Goodbye, my friends, goodbye. Goodbye, my friends, goodbye. Goodbye, my friends, goodbye my friends, goodbye, my friends, goodbye. _Au revior mes amis, au revoir. Au revoir, mes amis, au revoir. Au revoir mes amis, au revoir, mes amis, au revoir, mes amis, au revoir. Adios, amigos, adios. Adios, amigos, adios. Adios, amigos, adios, amigos, adios, amigos, adios._"

Then the bell rang and children's parents started showing up. Olivia took her daughter by the hand and led her out of the classroom. "How was school today, sweetheart?"

Caitlin shrugged. "Good. Ms. Riley read us a story. It was called _Purple, Green, and Yellow. _It's about this girl who loves art and she ends up coloring herself in permanent marker! Isn't that silly?"

Olivia smiled. "Yeah. Listen, did you see the man on the playground today?"

Caitlin shook her head. "No. I stayed in at recess to be Ms. Riley's helper."

_Thank God for Ms. Riley. _"What did you help her with?"

"Hanging up artwork. She said mine was really good. I drew a butterfly. I made it pink."

"Can I see it?"

"I get to bring it home next week," said Caitlin.

"Okay."

"I wanna show it to 'Lizabeth! Are we going over there this weekend again?"

"I think so. Elizabeth misses you."

Caitlin gave her an impish grin. "And _Elliot _misses _you_."

Olivia giggled and tousled her daughter's hair. "I see him at work every day!"

"He loves you," said the little girl knowingly.

"He's married."

"You can be married and still love someone else," she replied. "You love him, too."

Olivia shook her head and smiled. "Don't tell him that, sweetie."

She laughed. "It's okay, Mommy. Lizzie and Kathleen and Dickie know it too."


	42. Chapter 42

After a week with everything going fine, Olivia stopped worrying so much about Caitlin. She had overreacted. Her daughter was all right.

Alex came over on Saturday for dinner. The three of them were playing Candyland when Caitlin said casually, "Alex, you know who I met at school last week?"

Alex glanced at Olivia. "Who?"

"My daddy. He knows you, Alex. Isn't that cool?"

Alex's eyes widened. "Yeah," she managed.

"Baby, when was the last time you saw him?" asked Olivia, taking hold of her daughter's hands.

"Yesterday."

Olivia's heart started to pound in her chest. "_Yesterday_?"

"Yeah," replied Caitlin noncommittally.

"Sweetie," said Alex. "Why don't you get into your pajamas, okay? I need to talk to your mother for a moment."

Caitlin shrugged and walked down the hall toward her bedroom.

"Granger's out of jail? He's been seeing your _daughter_?" burst out Alex.

Olivia nodded shakily. "Yes. I talked to him – told him to stay away from her. Told her teacher to keep an eye on her. It obviously didn't work."

"Has he hurt her?"

"No. I don't think he wants to, Alex. He just wants to get to me."

"Be careful, Liv," said Alex. "If he comes anywhere near you or if anything happens or he tries to hurt one of you, call me. You know you have all of us at SVU behind you. We'll do whatever it takes to keep the two of you safe."

Olivia smiled wanly. "You sound like Elliot."

"He cares about you, Liv."

"That's what Catie says. She says he's in love with me."

Alex laughed. "He is. You've got a really perceptive kid, Liv. Take good care of her."

Olivia smiled modestly. "I try."

Caitlin bounded down the hall in her teddy bear pajamas, clutching the American Girl doll that Olivia had bought her for her fourth birthday. "Alex, did you meet Samantha?"

Alex smiled. "Is that your doll?"

Caitlin nodded. "Yeah. Her name's Samantha Parkington and she's my baby."

The ADA laughed. "She's beautiful."

"Do you wanna hold her?"

"Sure." Alex held out her arms and Caitlin delicately placed the doll in them.

"I sing her lullabies before bed," explained Caitlin. "That's how she falls asleep and Mommy helped me make her a bed. We built it all by ourselves and Mommy sewed her a sheet and a pillow and she has her own little doll too. Wanna see?"

Alex, still cradling the doll, smiled as she followed the little girl up the stairs.

"See?" Caitlin pointed at a small doll bed next to her own. "This is where my baby sleeps."

"Are you going to tuck her in?"

Caitlin nodded. She took the doll from Alex and gently laid her down under the covers. She pulled the sheets over the doll and gave her a kiss. "'Night Sammie," she whispered in the doll's ear.

"It's your bedtime too, Catie," said Olivia, coming up behind them.

Caitlin, surprisingly, didn't resist. She climbed into bed and Olivia tucked her in. "Goodnight, sweetheart."

"'Night, Mommy. 'Night, Alex."

"Goodnight, Caitlin," said Alex.

Olivia gave her daughter a kiss and turned off the lights. She followed Alex down the hall and they sat down again on the couch.

"You have such a great daughter," gushed Alex. Though she wasn't naturally an affectionate person, she always had a soft spot for Olivia's little girl. _Caitlin Alexandra. _Alex's namesake. "You must be doing something right after all."

"That's so nice of you," replied Olivia sarcastically.

"So, what are you going to do about Granger?"

Olivia groaned. "Please don't. I don't want to think about it."

"Olivia, what if he's dangerous? He wants to get to you. What if he hurts you again?"

"Alex! I'm a big girl. I can take care of myself."

"Of course you can. It just won't hurt you to be a bit more careful."

"Alex! I'm not going to let this bastard change my life."

"Olivia, I know you always want to be so tough, but think of your daughter."

"So, what do you want to do? Have him arrested for hanging out on public property and coming near me? You're going to arrest him for stalking?"

"No, but a restraining order wouldn't hurt."

Olivia sighed. "Alex, please. It's just a piece of paper. A pointless piece of paper. He's not going to stop at anything to get what he wants. We just don't know what that is yet. A little piece of paper never stops the real psychos. He knows I can't call the police. I _am _the police."

"Okay, Liv. Just . . . take care of yourself. Call me if ever and when ever you need anything."


	43. Chapter 43

For the next week, Olivia asked her daughter every day about Justin Granger, but either Caitlin hadn't seen him or didn't want to admit to it. So she started to relax.

She went out for lunch on Thursday with Elliot to a quaint Italian restaurant near the station. They ordered and sat in awkward silence until Elliot cleared his throat. "Liv, what's happening with Justin Granger?"

She took a deep breath. "Can we not talk about this right now?"

"No, Liv. We have to talk about this. I don't want you to get hurt. What's happening with Justin Granger."

She sighed in frustration. "What part of 'I don't want to talk' do you not understand? I can take care of myself, Elliot."

"I know," he said gently. "But can Caitlin?"

Olivia got up. "You know what? We're done here."

She dropped a twenty dollar bill on the table and stormed out of the restaurant. Elliot started after her, but she was walking to fast. She strode down the street at top speed. She didn't look back.

* * *

Olivia was going through some files with Alex when her cell phone rang. "Benson."

"Ms. Benson? It's Jennifer Riley."

Olivia was immediately on high alert. "Did something happen with Caitlin?"

She heard the teacher sigh. "Yes, actually. She didn't come back after lunch recess. No one saw her leave, no one saw anything. We've been searching for an hour."

"You went an _hour _without calling me?" She knew even as she said this that it wasn't fair, that it wasn't Ms. Riley's fault, that it was just procedure. But this was different. This was _her_ baby.

"I'm sorry, Ms. Benson," said Ms. Riley. "I'd appreciate if you could come down to the station."

Olivia didn't say anything, just hung up the phone and turned to Alex. "Caitlin's gone."

* * *

She reached the school in record time. She raced into the classroom. "Did you find her?" panted Olivia.

Ms. Riley shook her head.

Olivia tried to stay calm and use her detective skills, but she was too distraught. This wasn't a random stranger. This was her _daughter_.

"No one saw him?" she ground out.

"No."

Olivia grabbed her daughter's backpack and coat, but something caught her eye. A folded white piece of paper was stuffed into the pocket. She pulled it out. _Olivia, _it said. _I know you're reading this; Don't worry; I won't hurt Catie. She's not the one I want. Meet me at the corner of West 31__st__Street tonight. 11:00. No police. No weapon. I don't want to hurt your daughter, but if you don't show up, alone, she dies._

Olivia's heart was pounding in her chest. Against her better judgment, she knew she would have to do it. For her daughter.


	44. Chapter 44

As Olivia stood at the corner of West 31st Street at 10:30, shifting from foot to foot because of the cold, she could understand how parents of missing children would do anything to get them back, including paying a huge ransom or putting themselves in danger. She knew she was being foolish and she shouldn't be here, but her love for her daughter was clouding her judgment and her logic.

She saw the black sedan pull up and held her breath. She saw a silhouette climb out of the car and heard his soft voice say, "Hello, Olivia."

"Where's my daughter?" she snapped.

"She's fine. She's in the car."

"I want to see her," she said. "Open the window."

Justin rolled down the window and Olivia could make out her little girl's frightened face through the darkness. "Mommy?"

"Baby, baby," whispered Olivia, her voice catching in her throat. "I'm here. I'm coming." She started toward the car.

Justin grabbed her arm and threw her to the ground. Olivia elbowed him in the ribs and tried to kick him but Justin held something over her mouth that she soon realized was chloroform. She kicked and screamed until she fell unconscious. Caitlin, watching her mother, screamed along with her.

* * *

An hour later, Olivia came to. She cursed her own stupidity – she should never have come alone and unarmed. How could she have thought it would be easy to save Caitlin? It wasn't that; she was doing what the squad hated. She was trying to be a hero. And now look where she was.

Her clothes were strewn on the floor and she was bound by restraints to a bed. She knew Justin was coming for her in a few minutes. She was completely helpless. She was immobilized, she had no weapon, and she didn't know where her daughter was.

As the door opened, Olivia started to tremble. She tried to steel herself; she could take anything if it would bring her back her daughter. But she knew in her head, as a police officer, that she wasn't getting her daughter back. He wanted her and he was going to have her for all he could. She was a strong woman; she was trying to be brave, but she couldn't stop the shivering.

She screamed as Justin came toward her, but he put his finger to his lips in an amused way. "No one can hear you except Caitlin. You want to scare her, go ahead."

Olivia swallowed and closed her mouth. She waited for a beat, then said, "Did you hurt her?"

He shook his head, but she had to be sure. "Catie!" she called. "Honey, are you okay?"

He smacked her hard across the face, but she heard a faint voice reply, "Mommy?"

She started to say something else, but Justin wouldn't have any of that. He cut off a piece of duct tape from a roll at the foot of the bed and put it over Olivia's mouth.

Olivia knew better than to fight it. She closed her eyes as he ran his hands up and down her naked body.

* * *

"Where's Liv?" Elliot asked Captain Cragen in the morning. "Did she call you? Is she all right? Did something happen?"

He shrugged. "I don't know. She didn't call."

"But she's two hours late! Olivia's _never _two hours late!"

Captain Cragen picked up the phone and dialed Olivia's number. The phone rang three times before going into voicemail. He hung up and called again, but the same thing happened.

"I already tried calling," said Elliot. "And she – oh, my God!"

"What?"

"Justin Granger. He got out on appeal. He was at Caitlin's school. He's taken her!"

He could tell that the captain was trying to stay calm as he said, "Okay, you go to Caitlin's school and see what happened. I'll have Munch and Fin try to account for Granger's whereabouts. Don't worry, Elliot. We'll find her."

He shook his head. He couldn't help but worry. This wasn't some random victim. This was _Olivia_.

* * *

Justin took off his pants and started to uncuff Olivia. She fought against him, hitting him, elbowing him as hard as she could, but he was stronger. He pushed her to the ground and kicked her in the head, over and over, until she was semiconscious and couldn't take it anymore. He pummeled her in the stomach until he had subdued her. She writhed in pain on the floor, clutching her head.

And then she was still.

"Are we done?" asked Justin, amusement evident in his voice. He pulled the tape off her mouth, giving her the chance to comply.

She looked up at him in terror. "What do you want me to do?"

* * *

Elliot was at Caitlin's school, talking to her teacher.

"So you must be the famous Elliot!"

He chuckled tensely. "Caitlin talks about me?"

"All the time."

"Where is Caitlin?"

"Her father took her, but Ms. Benson said she was going to get her back and everything would be fine."

Elliot put a hand to his mouth. "Oh, my God."

* * *

When he was finished with her, he bound her to the bed again. She was in too much pain to scream or fight. When he left her, locking the door, she let the tears stream down her cheeks. She was alone now. Helpless. Powerless.

Her daughter was in danger and there was nothing she could do.

* * *

Elliot drove back to the precinct to confirm everyone's worst fears. "He took her."

Alex entered the squad room. "Elliot, I think I know where she is."

* * *

He came back two or three hours later. She was tired, weak, in pain. She had no strength to fight anymore. When he unbound her, she didn't even resist. She let him take what he wanted.

* * *

"Where is she, Alex?" asked Elliot.

"I have Justin's address."

"How?"

"She told me about him. She said she didn't want any help, but that's just Liv. I took some precautions and looked up his address."

"Let's go."

* * *

Olivia was sobbing when the door opened again. She tried to be strong and stop trembling, but she couldn't. But instead of raping her again, Justin sat down beside her on the bed, stroking her stomach, her hair, her entire body. "You know what, Livvy. I love you. This is so, so good. Maybe we can stay here, you, me, and our little girl. She's beautiful. Just like you. And maybe when she's old enough, she'll be as _good_ as you, too . . . if you know what I mean."

"Don't talk about my daughter that way," whispered Olivia through gritted teeth.

He hit her again, once, twice, three times. She tasted blood.

* * *

They climbed into two separate squad cars. Elliot rode with Alex and Captain Cragen, driving at least thirty miles over the speed limit.

They reached Justin's house ten minutes later. They all got out of the car, guns at the ready, and raced into the house.

* * *

He was stroking her still when the door flew open. "Police!" screamed Elliot, Alex, Captain Cragen, Munch, and Fin in unison.

He looked up at them and gave them a smile. "Oh, _hello_."

Olivia looked up at them, terrified. It scared Elliot. He had never seen such an accepting, washed out look on his partner's face.

"Hands on your head!" he screamed at Justin.

But Justin seemed intent on humiliating Olivia and getting his own pleasure. He touched her again, put his fingers inside her. She screwed her eyes shut and prayed.

Elliot lifted his gun and shot. Once, twice.

And then the bastard was dead.


	45. Chapter 45

Elliot and the captain ran to the bed and unbound Olivia, who curled up into a ball and whimpered, too exhausted to say or do anything else. Captain Cragen draped his jacket over her to preserve her modesty.

Elliot reached out and put a hand on her shoulder. "Liv, honey, what did he do to you?"

She flinched and screamed, raising her hands above her face so he couldn't touch her.

This wasn't the Olivia he knew.

"Alex," she rasped through parched lips.

Elliot was hurt. Why hadn't she wanted him to be with her? He was her partner, her best friend. But then he supposed she would feel more comfortable talking with a girl friend rather than him.

Captain Cragen motioned the detectives out of the room while Alex ran to Olivia's side. They needed to find Caitlin.

"Hey, Liv," whispered Alex, catching her eye without physically touching her.

"You were right," murmured Olivia. "I should have listened to you."

"Don't do that, Olivia. It's not your fault."

They suddenly heard Caitlin's scream of elation from downstairs. "Elliot!"

Olivia breathed a sigh of relief. "Catie . . ."

"I know, Liv, I know. Don't try to talk, okay? We're going to get you to the hospital."

She had never seen this side of Alex before. Alex was always so tough, just like she was, but this had shaken her up quite a bit.

Olivia took Alex's hand and breathed deeply, taking comfort in her friend's presence until the EMTs arrived a few minutes later.

Olivia screamed as they tried to lift her onto the stretcher and clutched Alex's hand like a lifeline.

Captain Cragen, hearing Olivia's screams, came back into the room. "Olivia," he said, kneeling down beside her. "We need to lift you onto the stretcher, okay? I can do it if you prefer."

She nodded and he lifted her into his arms, surprised at how light she was. He laid her gently down and she stopped struggling, too worn out to continue the futile fight.

"Caitlin?" she whispered.

"We've got her, Liv. She's fine."

She breathed a sigh of relief and took Alex's hand again. "Come with me," she murmured, her chocolate eyes pleading with her friend.

"Of course, Liv," Alex assured her.

The EMTs put the stretcher into the back of the ambulance and Alex climbed in after. Elliot jumped on behind them, holding Caitlin in his arms. She was chattering as she always did, seemingly unharmed by her ordeal.

Olivia pulled Captain Cragen's coat tighter around her. "Catie!"

Caitlin smiled up at her and took a hold of her mother's hand. "Mommy! I missed you."

"What happened, baby?"

She shrugged. "We watched movies."

"What kind of movies?"

"Princess movies. And he bought me a Barbie. Daddy's nice, Mommy."

Olivia swallowed hard, thanking God that Justin hadn't hurt Caitlin, though he had hurt _her_ more than she'd ever admit.

"Are you okay, Liv?" asked Elliot.

He was immediately sorry he asked when she shot back, "Do I _look_ okay?"

He sighed. "I'm so sorry, Liv. I should have been there. I should have –"

"It's not your fault, El."

"It's not yours either," he reminded her. He got up and moved toward her and stroked her hair.

Olivia flinched and cried out. Then she realized that it was just Elliot and began to cry. "I'm sorry, El. I just –"

He didn't try to touch her again. He could see the sadness, the emptiness in her eyes that hadn't been there before. This wasn't the Olivia he knew. The Olivia who always had to be so tough, so strong, who would never let anyone see her cry. She was broken and he didn't know how to fix her.

Alex squeezed Olivia's hand comfortingly. Caitlin furrowed her brow in concern and put her hand on her mother's shoulder. Olivia cringed but didn't scream. She knew it would scare her daughter. "Mommy, what happened? Why are you sad?"

Olivia managed a small smile. "Nothing, sweetie. I'm fine."

"Was it Daddy? I know you told me he was bad, but he was nice to me. He gave me a princess cupcake and he taught me to play _Sorry _and he read to me."

"Oh, sweetheart," was all that she could think to say.

"Mommy, where's Daddy?"

Olivia opened her mouth to speak but nothing came out.

Alex saw and took over. "Sweetie, your father did something very bad to your mother and you're not going to see him again."

"Ever?"

"Ever."

"Is he dead?"

Alex shot a glance at Olivia. "Yes, Caitlin. He is."

Caitlin looked up somberly. "Did you shoot him?"

Alex laughed; a short, humorless laugh. "Why would you think that?"

"'Cause that's what police officers do. They shoot people."

"Only in the movies, Caitlin. Real police officers don't shoot people unless they do something very, very bad and they're scared that person will shoot them."

"Was Daddy gonna hurt you and Mommy?"

Torn between protecting the little girl and telling her the truth, Alex nodded. "Yes, sweetheart. He was. And we couldn't let that happen."

Caitlin nodded, appeased. "That's okay then."

Alex pulled Caitlin onto her lap and Elliot grasped Olivia's other hand as the ambulance arrived at the hospital. The EMTs wheeled Olivia's stretcher to a hospital room.

"Mommy!" screeched Caitlin. "Where are you going?"

Alex lifted the little girl onto her hip. "Hey, Catie, it's all right. They're just checking to make sure your mother's okay. You'll see her again soon. Do you want to color?"

Caitlin nodded.

* * *

Elliot followed Olivia into the hospital room. "Is she going to be okay?"

"Sir," said a doctor. "We need to ask you to leave. You'll see your wife again soon."

"She's not my –" began Elliot, but then stopped, realizing how little it mattered. "Will she be all right?"

"Yes. We're just going to do some tests and take a rape kit. We'll call you when we're done."

Elliot reluctantly went to sit in the waiting room. He sat down next to Alex.

"How is she?" asked Alex.

"Stable," he replied. "She's going to be okay. They're taking a rape kit and some tests."

It hurt so much for him to say this. He was speaking clinically, to distance himself, because although he dealt with these sorts of things on a day-to-day basis, this was different. This was Olivia. This was _his_ Olivia.

"What's that?" asked Caitlin casually, coloring a horse blue.

"Nothing," replied Elliot. "Hey, what are you doing? Horses aren't blue."

Caitlin giggled. "Mine are. They're magic horses. They come in rainbow colors."

* * *

The nurse wrote something down on his clipboard and then said, "Ms. Benson, we need to take your coat off."

She shook her head and clutched it harder. "No, please . . ."

He took it off anyway. Olivia screamed and began to cry again, covering herself with her hands. "Don't touch me!"

Another nurse entered the room. "I think Ms. Benson would prefer a female nurse. Would that be better, Ms. Benson?"

She nodded. She didn't really want to be touched at all, but a female nurse was better than a male one.

The man left the room and Olivia breathed a little easier. The female nurse knelt down beside her. "Ms. Benson, I'm going to swab your thighs, all right?"

She shuddered but nodded.

* * *

Twenty minutes later, the nurse stepped out to the waiting room. "Sir? You can see her now."

Elliot leapt up. "You stay with Cate," he told Alex as he raced into Olivia's room.

Olivia was lying on the bed, hooked up to an IV. She looked more vulnerable than he had ever seen her. It pained him physically to see her like this, in such a weakened state. He silently thanked God that he had shot the bastard and prayed that he would have a special spot in Hell.

Olivia smiled weakly when she saw him. "I'm sorry, Elliot," she said immediately.

He sat down beside her and took her hand. "Hey, hey," he said comfortingly. "It's not your fault."

"You killed him." It was a statement, not a question.

"I did. And I'm not sorry."

She smiled wanly. "My white knight."

"Liv." He took a deep breath. "I was just thinking, I came so close to losing you. What would I have done? I couldn't live without you."

"But I'm fine," she responded, a ghost of the smile still visible.

"Or so you say."

"El, I appreciate your concern, but –"

"Olivia, stop trying to be so fucking brave. You've just had something horrible happen. Cry, scream, hit me, I don't give a crap. But don't try to bottle it all up. God, I love you so fucking much! What if he'd killed you?"

She let a strangled sob escape. "Oh, El. I thought he was going to!"

"Baby, what happened?"

She shook her head and pursed her lips. "I don't want to talk about it."

He sighed. "Okay, okay. You go to sleep now."

"Will you stay with me?"

"Of course. And Alex will be here when you wake up."

"Where's Catie?"

"With Alex. You can see her later. It might scare her to see you hooked up to so many machines."

She nodded. "Thanks, El."

Olivia sighed deeply and laid her head down on the pillow. She closed her eyes, drinking in the comfort of her partner's physical closeness. He was here with her and he wasn't going anywhere. She was safe now.


	46. Chapter 46

Alex was sitting at her bedside when Olivia opened her eyes. "Hey, Liv. Are you feeling any better?"

"Not really," Olivia replied honestly.

Alex propped her chin up and looked into Olivia's eyes. "Liv, I need you to tell me what happened."

She shook her head. "I don't want to."

"I know it's hard for you to talk about, Liv, but it's very important."

She looked at the ground. "I'm . . ."

"You're what? Embarrassed? Ashamed? Blaming yourself? Because it's not your fault, Olivia."

She bowed her head. "You can't tell Elliot."

"I won't, Liv. I promise. But you know, Elliot really cares about you."

"I know," Olivia whispered. "That's why."

"What that bastard did to you doesn't make you weak, Liv," Alex reminded her. "You can't always be so strong all the time."

She sighed. "It's just . . ." She faltered.

"Whenever you're ready," Alex encouraged.

Olivia took a deep breath. "Caitlin's teacher called me and told me she was missing. I went to the school and I found a note in Catie's pocket. It was for me. It said to meet him at 11:00 with no police and no weapon and if I brought either, he would kill my baby. I know I shouldn't have, but I _had _to go! When I got there, I saw Caitlin. She was all right. But then he grabbed me. I kicked, screamed, hit him, tried to break free, but he – he put something over my mouth. Chloroform, I think. I passed out. When I woke up, I was bound to the bed and my clothes – they were on the floor. He came in sometimes. He hit me – and he – he –" She couldn't go on.

Alex reached out and took Olivia's hand. "Liv, I'm sorry, but I have to ask. Did he rape you?"

Olivia closed her eyes. "Over and over. I thought it would never end. He touched me – all over. And then he did."

Alex put her arms around her friend and gathered her in a hug. "It's okay now, Liv. He's never going to hurt you again."

Olivia shook her head. "Yes, he will."

"Olivia, he's dead."

"You don't understand. Every time I close my eyes, there he is. He's touching me, hitting me. And he's _laughing_. Alex, he _laughed_."

"You're going to be okay, Liv. It's just – you've been through something very, very traumatic. I won't even pretend I can imagine how hard it was for you. But you pulled through. You're so brave, Liv, so strong. You made it."

She smiled wanly. "Now you're starting to sound like Elliot."

"Oh, Liv." Her voice suddenly caught in her throat. Alexandra Cabot, for once, was speechless. "Elliot loves you, you know. I won't tell him about this – that's your choice. But he won't think any less of you for it."

"Please, Alex. Don't."

"Okay, Liv. I'm not trying to upset you."

Olivia sighed and rolled over on the bed. "Alex, can I see Catie now?"

"Are you sure that's a good idea?"

She nodded. "I need to be with my baby."

Alex went to retrieve the little girl. They entered the room several minutes later, Caitlin skipping along as she clutched Alex's hand.

"Mommy!" she cried when she saw Olivia. She let go of Alex and jumped onto her mother's bed.

"Be careful, Caitlin," Alex cautioned her. "Don't jump on the bed."

Caitlin ignored her and snuggled up next to her mother, resting her head on Olivia's shoulder and sighing contentedly. Olivia smiled and draped her arm around her daughter, pulling her close.

Alex felt moisture accumulating in her eyes as she watched her friend hold her little girl. The love for her daughter shone through her eyes and it was clear they adored each other.

Olivia closed her eyes as she stroked Caitlin's hair, needing the physical contact, needing to make sure her daughter was still here with her, needing to ensure that Caitlin was just fine. Within minutes, the little girl's eyes drooped and her breathing turned even. She was fast asleep, her head resting comfortably on Olivia's shoulder.

Alex could hear Olivia murmuring a soft lullaby to her sleeping daughter. "_Hush, little baby, don't say a word. Mama's gonna buy you a mockingbird. And if that mockingbird won't sing, Mama's gonna buy you a diamond ring. And if that diamond ring turns to brass, Mama's gonna buy you a looking glass."_

Alex smiled to herself and got up. She turned to leave. Olivia was so enamored with the little girl in her arms that Alex's presence was pointless. She had her baby; she wasn't paying any attention whatsoever to her friend.

As Alex opened the door, she heard Olivia's soft, gentle voice murmur the last lines of the song. _"Mama's gonna buy you a horse and a cart. And if that horse and cart fall down, you'll still be the sweetest little baby in town."_


	47. Chapter 47

"Mommy, Mommy!" cried Caitlin, eyes wide, shaking her mother.

Olivia had been thrashing around and crying out in her sleep, screaming, "Don't touch me! Leave me alone, please! That hurts, please don't, please . . ."

She started when she felt the small hands shaking her and pushed them away. "Don't touch me!"

"Mommy," said Caitlin, frightened. "Mommy, it's me, am I hurting you?"

Olivia suddenly came to and realized who was touching her. Tears rushed to her eyes when she realized that she'd scared her little girl. She reached out to hug Caitlin. "I'm sorry, baby. I didn't realize it was you."

"Were you having a bad dream?"

Olivia managed a half-smile and took her daughter into her arms. "Yeah, baby, I was. I'm sorry if I scared you."

Caitlin cuddled up to her mother, fitting herself neatly against Olivia's shoulder. "It's okay, Mommy. I sometimes have bad dreams too."

* * *

"Liv, do you and Catie want to stay with us tonight?" asked Elliot.

Olivia hesitated. "Is Kathy okay with it?"

"She's the one that suggested it, actually."

Olivia was surprised. She and Elliot's wife always had an on and off relationship; sometimes they were perfectly amicable and other times Kathy was jealous of Elliot's partner. But she always had a soft spot for Caitlin, who was still friends with the Stabler children, especially Elizabeth.

"Please, Mommy?" begged Caitlin, bouncing on the hospital bed. "I wanna stay with 'Lizabeth!"

Olivia smiled. She could never refuse her daughter. "Sure."

They all climbed into Elliot's car. When they reached his house, Caitlin ran ahead of them and banged on the door.

Olivia and Elliot caught up to her. Olivia knelt down in front of her daughter. "Sweetheart, that's rude. Elliot has the key. We don't need to bother his family."

Caitlin shrugged and her face lit up as the door opened. "Hi, Kathy!"

"Hi, Caitlin. Hello, Olivia." She turned to her husband. "_Elliot_."

Olivia didn't like the tone of Kathy's voice. She took Elliot aside. "I thought she was okay with us being here."

"She is," he assured her. "The invitation is extended from all of us. She just missed me."

Olivia sighed. "If this is going to make Kathy uncomfortable, I want no part in it."

"It won't. I'll sleep with her and you'll sleep in the guest room because that's what you are."

She laughed. "You get right down to it, don't you?"

Caitlin tugged on her mother's sleeve. "Can I go up to 'Lizabeth's room?"

She glanced at Kathy, who nodded. "Sure, sweetie. Go ahead."

The little girl bounded up the stairs, taking them two at a time. She knocked on Elizabeth's door. "Come in!" came the singsong voice.

Caitlin ran inside and hugged Elizabeth. "I missed you!"

Elizabeth smiled, putting her arms around the smaller girl. "I missed you, too."

"Mommy and I are spending the night. Can I sleep in your room?"

"Sure. We can have a sleepover."

* * *

That night, Olivia tossed and turned in the bed in the guest room. She couldn't sleep. Every time she closed her eyes, Justin Granger's face swam in front of her. She resisted the continual urge to go check on her daughter. Instead, she took some deep breaths and tried to relax.

At three in the morning, the bedroom door opened. A small figure slipped into the room and climbed silently onto the bed next to Olivia. Breathing a sigh of relief, Olivia gave her daughter a kiss tucked her in tightly under the covers. She held Caitlin in her arms until she fell asleep.

* * *

An hour later, Caitlin let out a bloodcurdling scream and started thrashing around, tears streaming down her cheeks. "Mommy!" she cried. "Mommy!"

Olivia shook her daughter gently awake and tried to soothe her. "Shh, Caitlin, it's okay. I'm here. It's okay." She hoped Caitlin's screams hadn't woken up Kathy and Elliot. She stroked her little girl's hair. "It was just a bad dream. It's not real. It's okay."

Caitlin wrapped her arms around her mother's neck and didn't say anything, so Olivia took her into her arms and started to rock her, softly singing a lullaby. _"Rock-a-bye baby on the treetop. When the wind blows, the cradle will rock. When the bough breaks, the cradle will fall and down will come baby, cradle and all."_

She sang as her daughter's sobs subsided and she fell asleep. Olivia wiped away Caitlin's tears with her hand and sighed. She continued to rock her little girl even though she was already asleep. This time, she wasn't sure if she was doing it for her daughter's benefit or for her own.


	48. Chapter 48

Olivia heard a sharp rap on the door around ten the next morning. She hadn't slept a wink, lying awake all night listening to her daughter's even breathing.

Maureen opened the door and walked into the guest room. "Olivia, Dad said to tell you that breakfast's ready."

Olivia gave her a half-smile and stroked her sleeping daughter's hair. "Thanks, but I'm not too hungry."

"He made pancakes," added Maureen.

"What kind?" asked Caitlin, her eyes still closed, startling both of them.

Maureen laughed. "Blueberry for himself and Dickie, banana for me and Mom, chocolate chip for Elizabeth, and plain for Kathleen. You guys can take your pick."

Caitlin sat up and yawned. "I'm going to get some pancakes, Mommy. Are you coming?"

Olivia smiled and got up. She followed her daughter into the kitchen.

"Good morning, Caitlin. Good morning, Olivia," said Elliot. He was standing at the stove, flipping a pancake. "Sleep well, Liv?"

She shrugged, then allowed it. "Not at all."

"Want some pancakes?"

"I'm not hungry."

"You have to have _something_," insisted Elliot. "Do you want some orange juice?"

"I _said _I'm not hungry," she snapped.

"Can I have some?" asked Caitlin, breaking the tension in the room.

"Sure," he replied. "What kind?"

Caitlin thought about it. "Can I have one chocolate chip and one banana?"

He handed her a plate. "Breakfast is served, Madame."

Caitlin giggled and carried her breakfast to the table. She started to eat.

Olivia sank into a chair next to her daughter and put her head in her hands.

"Are you okay, Liv?" asked Elliot.

"I'm fine," she replied.

Her nerves were tight from lack of sleep, but every time she closed her eyes, there was Justin. She cringed as she remembered the previous days in detail. She had been so humiliated for Elliot to see her in such a state.

"No, you're not."

It was undeniably true and Olivia hated him for reminding her. "Leave me alone, El!"

"Mommy," whispered Caitlin. "Don't yell at Elliot. It's not good to scream at people."

Olivia glared at Elliot for a moment longer, then turned away.

"Where is everyone?" asked Caitlin.

"Kathy and Kathleen are still sleeping, Elizabeth is watching television, and Dickie's outside riding his bike," answered Elliot.

Caitlin finished her pancakes and carried her plate to the sink. "I'm gonna go watch TV with 'Lizabeth."

"Okay, honey," said Olivia, watching as Caitlin raced to the basement. She didn't move.

Elliot put a bunch of pancakes onto a plate and carried it to the table. He sat down next to Olivia. "So, Liv, tell me. What happened?"

She shook her head. "I don't want to talk!"

"You talked to _Alex_." He was well aware of how childish he sounded, but he couldn't stop the words from escaping.

"Alex is my friend!"

"So am I, Liv."

"It's not the same," she lamented.

"Why? Because she's a woman?"

Olivia sighed. "I'm not going to get into this right now."

"Are you embarrassed?" he pressed. "Because you shouldn't be. It wasn't your fault."

"Elliot! _Let it be_."

"Olivia, I'm only asking because I care about you and I want to help you."

"No, Elliot, you don't." Although she knew this was her fear speaking and it was ridiculous, she continued. "You just want to assuage your own guilt for not being there. Elliot, it wasn't your fault; it's not your problem. _Leave me alone_."

He took her hands in his own. She pulled away at first, but didn't let go. "No, Liv. That's where you're wrong. It _is _my problem. You're my best friend and I love you. Your problems are my problems, too."

"I can deal with it myself."

"I have no doubt you can, Liv. You just shouldn't have to."


	49. Chapter 49

Caitlin and Olivia stayed with the Stablers for another week. Caitlin didn't go back to school; Olivia wanted to keep her daughter with her as long as she could. She didn't want to be alone.

On Friday night, Elliot drove Olivia and Caitlin back to their house. Olivia tucked her daughter into bed and gave her a kiss. She went back out into the family room and perched next to Elliot on the couch. "Thanks for the ride, El."

"Not a problem. Any time."

He looked as if he was about to get up to leave and Olivia didn't want that, so she called after him, a hint of desperation in her voice. "Stay with me. Please." She didn't want to be alone.

"Of course, Liv."

They sat side by side on the couch, not saying anything, just taking comfort in each other's presence.

Finally, Olivia broke the silence. "Will you stay the night?"

"Sure."

"Will Kathy be okay with it?"

He nodded. "She understands. You need me more than she does."

Olivia opened her mouth to deny it, but she couldn't. All she could say was, "Thanks, El."

She fell asleep, lying there on the couch, her head resting on the arm rest. Elliot watched her, so beautiful, so peaceful, so untroubled in sleep. He put a blanket over her and sat, guarding his Olivia, as she slept for the first time since the attack.

* * *

Around three in the morning, Elliot started as he heard a scream. Olivia was crying out in her sleep, "Don't touch me! Get away from me! Please, please, don't hurt me!"

"Liv," whispered Elliot, placing his hand gently on her shoulder. "Liv, honey, it's okay. It's okay."

Olivia's eyes flew open, wide with fear. She cringed and moved back. Elliot could tell that she didn't recognize him, so he said, "Liv, it's me; it's Elliot. I'm not going to hurt you."

She screamed and the shrill sound must have startled her into recognition because her eyes lost their glazed look and Olivia burst into tears. "I'm sorry, Elliot," she whimpered.

He sighed and took her in his arms, stroking her hair. She needed his comfort. "It's okay, Liv. It was just a dream. Everything's okay. I'm here."

"I'm sorry," she sobbed. "I didn't mean to wake you. I didn't mean to scare you. I didn't mean to –"

Elliot put his finger gently to her lips. "Shh, Liv. It's okay. It's okay. Do you want to talk about it?"

Olivia shook her head and laid her head on his shoulder, wetting Elliot's shirt with her tears.

"Liv, what happened with Justin Granger?"

She looked right into his eyes and waited a moment before saying quietly, "He raped me, Elliot. He beat me and he terrorized me and he raped me. Over and over." She closed her eyes. "I thought he was going to kill me." She took a deep breath and waited, watching the shock then the anger register on Elliot's face. "Happy now?"

"Liv," he managed. "Liv, I'm so sorry."

"No. Not your fault." She was trying to play it cool, pretend it didn't matter, but it did. Olivia burst into a fresh round of sobbing.

Elliot was at a loss for words. He pulled Olivia close and she went limp in his arms, melting into him and burying her face in Elliot's shoulder. He rubbed her back until her sobs subsided.

He didn't know how long they remained like that. It could have been minutes or it could have been hours. But he held her close, doing the only thing he could do, the thing he always did. Being there for his Olivia if ever and when ever she needed him. He couldn't always stop her from falling, but he was there to catch her afterwards and cushion the blow.


	50. Chapter 50

Caitlin awoke around five in the morning to find her mother lying on the couch, her head on Elliot's shoulder, his arms wrapped protectively around her. They were both sound asleep.

Caitlin climbed onto the couch with the two of them. She rested her head against Olivia's side, clutching her doll in her arms, resting her thumb comfortably in her mouth. Olivia, in that in-between land of sleep and consciousness, shifted slightly to put her arm around her daughter. Caitlin cuddled close to her mother and soon she, too, was fast asleep.

* * *

Olivia awoke to find herself snuggled between the two people she cared about most in this world; her daughter and Elliot. She sighed contentedly as Caitlin stirred. The little girl sat up and yawned, glancing down to see that her American Girl doll had fallen to the ground. She smiled, picked up the doll, and nestled back against Olivia.

"Good morning, sweetie," said Olivia, stifling her own yawn. "Did you sleep well?"

"Yeah. So did Samantha."

Olivia smiled. "Let's not wake Elliot, okay? Do you want to do something special – maybe cook breakfast for Elliot?"

Caitlin nodded eagerly. "Let's make strawberry French toast!"

Olivia put a finger to her lips. "Okay. Come on." She beckoned for her daughter to follow her into the kitchen.

Caitlin grabbed the strawberries and started to wash them meticulously. For a four-year-old, she was very conscious about germs and insisted on washing each strawberry individually. She'd learned it from Alex.

* * *

Elliot awoke to a delicious scent. He didn't know where he was at first, but then he realized that he was in Olivia's apartment, sitting on her couch. He followed his nose into the kitchen, where Caitlin was squeezing some oranges for fresh orange juice.

Caitlin turned around and smiled when she saw Elliot. She dropped the orange she was holding and grabbed a plate. Handing it to Elliot, she dropped into an elaborate curtsy. "Breakfast is served, Monsieur."

Elliot laughed and took the plate full of strawberry French toast. He sat down at the table and started to eat.

Caitlin finished with the orange juice and skipped over to him. "Is it good?"

"Delicious."

"I made it," she said proudly.

"You are a very good cook," said Elliot, tousling her hair. Caitlin giggled.

"Hey," said Olivia, carrying the rest of the food to the table. "I helped, too."

Elliot smiled appeasingly. "You are a very good cook, too, Olivia Benson."

She smirked. "You're full of it."

Caitlin sat her doll down on a chair and put Samantha's arms on top of the table. "I'm giving Sammie breakfast," she informed Olivia and Elliot.

"What's she having?" asked Elliot.

"She's sharing my French toast," replied Caitlin.

"Why don't you get her some of the doll food?" suggested Olivia. She wasn't in the mood to clean up the doll after Caitlin got crumbs all over her.

Caitlin skipped back to her room and grabbed a plastic banana and a plastic glass of milk. She put it the food in front of her doll. "Samantha's having a healthy breakfast."

"Is she on a diet?" asked Olivia, amused.

Caitlin considered, then giggled and shook her head. "No. She's a baby. Dieting is bad for babies."

Olivia laughed. "That's right." Caitlin never failed to amuse her, constantly saying things that Olivia had no clue where they came from. She put two pieces of French toast onto her daughter's plate.

Caitlin sat down and took a bite of her breakfast. A smile spread across her face. "Yummy! This is the best we've ever made it."

"In your honor," Olivia joked to Elliot.

Caitlin pretended to feed the banana to her doll. "Samantha likes her banana."

"That's good," said Elliot. "Catie, why don't you go get Samantha dressed? She can't stay in her pajamas all day."

Caitlin nodded and skipped off to her room.

Elliot turned to Caitlin. "Liv, I – I mean, last night –"

Olivia raised her hand to silence him. She'd been dreading this. "I understand, El. I know. I was just upset; you comforted me. It didn't mean anything."

Elliot raised his eyebrows. "But that's just it, Liv. It _did_."


	51. Chapter 51

With those two words, Olivia felt her whole world come to a complete halt. He loved her. She loved him.

But he was married. He had children. He had a world that didn't involve her. They were best friends, but Kathy would always come first – as she should. Olivia couldn't – wouldn't – be responsible for tearing Elliot's family apart.

Yet she loved him.

And that changed everything.

But did that make it okay? Did the end justify the means? In her head, she knew the answer, _no_, but her heart was screaming, _yes_.

"Liv?" asked Elliot, his voice sounding far away. "Liv, are you all right?"

The world was spinning around her. Her heart was pounding and she felt like she couldn't breathe. This was the absolute worst timing, but how could she refuse?

"Yeah, Elliot," she managed. "I'm fine."

"I love you," he whispered, stroking her hair.

"I know. But you can't."

"Why?"

"You're married."

It was the same words, over and over, every time. They'd been through this before; it was like a play that they were rehearsing. They both knew all their lines and the other person's too, ready to pick up where their scene partner left off. As the play went on, though, the lines were delivered less convincingly each time.

"It isn't like that," said Elliot. "Kathy and I – we haven't been getting along so well recently, Liv. We decided to take a break from each other."

"But Elliot, did you make that decision because you don't love her anymore? Because I know you do."

"No, Liv. I made that decision because I love _you_."

The world fell away and a bout of nausea overwhelmed Olivia. "No," she whispered. "I can't. I can't do this."

"Olivia, it's not you, it's just . . . have you ever though that maybe this is the way it's meant to be? You and me, we're destined for each other."

She shook her head. "Divine intervention? Bull. People use it as an excuse to diminish their own accountability."

"Liv." Elliot took her hands in his and looked right into her eyes. "Olivia, I knew the moment I laid eyes on you that you were the one. But you left and I was alone. I couldn't wait forever; I thought you'd never come back. I waited a year but then I realized – Liv, I couldn't do it anymore. I thought of you every single day and I never forgot, but I started going out with other girls. Nothing serious until I met Kathy and – she was special. She reminded me of you. I came to accept that you were never coming back and justifiably so. So I married her. She was amazing, but she wasn't you."

A smile played around the corners of Olivia's lips. "I'm not amazing?"

"No. You're _perfect_."

"No, El, I'm not."

"You are to me."

Olivia began to cry again. "Why are you so good to me? I don't deserve you, El. My whole life has been a mistake. The only thing I ever did right was Caitlin, and even that was just a mistake. Circumstance gave me my life. It's the only reason I met you. That was the second best thing that ever happened to me. Elliot, I was so scared that I was never going to see you again and it's all my fault and I love you but I can't – can't – can't!"

Elliot opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. He couldn't find the words to comfort Olivia and it occurred to him that such words might not even exist. Instead, he put his hand on her shoulder.

She recoiled out of instinct and that set her off again. "I'm sorry, El. Look at me. I'm _damaged_."

"No, you're not." But the words sounded hollow, even to him.

"I can't even stand to be touched anymore. I know why you want this – you like fixing things that are broken, but this can't be fixed."

"Liv, that's not it. I love you. I've loved you all your life."

"I know, El. And I've loved you, too. But it isn't right."

He reached out and pulled her into his warm embrace. He could feel the tension in her body as he gently rubbed her back.

She rested her head on his shoulder, wetting his shirt with her tears. And she wondered how something that felt so good could be anything _but_ right?


	52. Chapter 52

"Mommy, Elliot," said Caitlin, bounding into the kitchen with her doll perched on her hip. "Will you play with me?"

Elliot and Olivia broke apart, almost as if they'd been caught doing something they weren't allowed to do.

Olivia managed a small smile. "Sure, baby. What do you want to play?"

Caitlin thought about it. "Can we play Snakes and Ladders?"

"Sure. Go get it."

Caitlin ran to find the game. Elliot and Olivia glanced at each other and came to an unspoken decision that they wouldn't say anything to Caitlin about what had just happened.

The little girl returned with Snakes and Ladders and started to set it up. "Can Sammie play, too?"

Elliot smiled. "How's this, Cate? Samantha can be on your team."

Caitlin nodded. "We're gonna be blue."

Elliot took the red piece and Olivia took the green one.

Caitlin rolled first. She counted on her fingers. "One, two, three, four, five, six. I got a six!"

Olivia smiled. "Okay, honey, move your piece."

Caitlin clicked the piece as she moved six squares. "Your turn, Mommy."

Olivia took the dice and rolled. She moved eight spaces.

Elliot took his turn and they continued the game.

But Olivia couldn't focus. She kept thinking of Elliot. The scene reminded her of a family; a father, a mother, and a perfect little girl. But Elliot was neither Caitlin's father nor her own husband. He was just a friend.

* * *

"Can Elliot stay over again?" asked Caitlin that evening.

Elliot hesitated. "I don't think that's a good idea, honey."

"You can if you want to," said Olivia, shrugging.

"I do want to."

She rolled her eyes. "Then stay. Come on, Catie. Let's find your princess pajamas."

* * *

When Caitlin was asleep in her bed, Olivia changed into sweatpants and a tank top. She brought a pillow and a blanket out to the couch. "You can have the bedroom," she offered.

Elliot gave her a half-smile. "No, thanks." Seeing Olivia's expression, he added, "If you don't want me here, Liv, all you have to do is say the word."

She shook her head. "No, I do want you here. That's the problem." She paused, embarrassed at her revelation. "You have the bedroom."

He gave her an impish grin. "We can share it."

"Elliot . . . just go."

He chuckled to himself and did as he was told.

Olivia lay down on the couch, resting her head in her hands. Silent tears streaked down her cheeks as she realized what she was doing. She was pushing away the one she knew she should be holding close.


	53. Chapter 53

Olivia cried herself into a fitful sleep, waking up restlessly every half hour, glancing around, reassuring herself that everything was all right, and trying to get back to sleep. She checked on Caitlin eight times before deciding she was being paranoid; she was fine, Caitlin was fine, everything was fine.

Around four in the morning, Olivia awoke to find a figure looming over her. _Oh, my God, _she thought, her mind racing, although she knew even as she thought it that it was irrational. _Justin's back. He's come to get me. Please, help!_

She cried out again, curling into a ball and covering her head to protect it from an anticipated blow.

The figure laid a hand on her shoulder and she shied away, holding her breath.

"Liv?"

She screwed her eyes up in shame. It was Elliot. He wasn't going to hurt her.

"I'm sorry, El," she whimpered for what must have been the hundredth time.

Elliot sat down next to her on the couch and wrapped his arms around her. She took a deep breath and melted into him, resting her head in the now-familiar place on his shoulder. He stroked her hair and she allowed herself to be comforted, relaxing in his gentle embrace. She knew she shouldn't – she didn't want it – she didn't _want _to want it – and yet, she wanted it more than anything. She was falling. She wanted him to catch her, and yet, she didn't.

Elliot felt her body tense and gently rubbed her back. "Stop it," he murmured. "Stop thinking, Liv. Just do."

She leaned against him and closed her eyes, reveling in his warm embrace while it lasted.

"Mommy?"

Both of them looked up to see Caitlin standing in the doorway.

"Mommy, I had a bad dream," she said. Then she noticed Elliot and said with an impish grin, "But I'm okay. 'Night, Mommy. 'Night _Elliot_."

The two of them exchanged amused glances. "We've got a four-year-old matchmaker," quipped Olivia.

Elliot had the good sense to stay silent.

He held her and she fell asleep in his arms. This was the purest form of love. It wasn't sex; it wasn't even physical. It was true love.


	54. Chapter 54

Olivia woke up in Elliot's arms. For a moment, she panicked, not knowing where she was. Then she relaxed. She was in her apartment and she was with Elliot. Everything was okay.

She heard footsteps and then her daughter talking to her doll. "Sammie, we need to be quiet, 'cause Mommy and Elliot are sleeping. But I'm gonna get you some breakfast anyway and we can eat together, 'kay?" Olivia heard Caitlin tiptoe into the kitchen. She heard the fridge open and then a crash, and Caitlin's muttered, "Whoops."

Olivia closed her eyes. "You okay, sweetie?" she called out to her daughter.

Caitlin appeared in the family room and gave her mother a sheepish grin. "Yeah. I just dropped the milk. It spilled. I was going to make Sammie and me some chocolate milk."

Olivia gently extricated herself from Elliot, who didn't wake up. She started for the kitchen. "Don't worry, honey. I'll clean it up." She knelt down and started to mop up the spill.

Caitlin stood in the doorway, her doll perched on her hip, watching her mother clean up the mess. "Mommy, is Elliot going to stay with us?"

Olivia gave the floor one more wipe and washed off the towel. "I don't know, sweetie," she replied honestly.

"You love him, Mommy. So what's the problem? He can be my new daddy."

Olivia gave her a wan smile as she wrung out the towel. "It's not that simple, Caitlin. He has Kathy, remember? And he has Maureen and Kathleen and Dickie and Elizabeth."

Caitlin grinned impishly. "So 'Lizabeth would be my sister."

"Oh, Catie, it doesn't really work that way."

"You love each other. That's the only thing that matters."

If only Olivia could see the world as black and white as her four-year-old did! It was amazing how innocent and beautifully simple children were.

Olivia sighed. "Someday, Catie, when you're older, you'll understand."

Caitlin's face fell. "So Elliot's not gonna be my new daddy?"

So that was what this was all about. Caitlin was feeling a sense of loss and was looking for a father figure and Elliot was simply convenient. And he _was _a wonderful father. Olivia understood. She'd done the same thing and it had gotten her into a lot of trouble. Caitlin was only four and Olivia hoped her little girl wouldn't go through the same thing.

"Honey, I thought we'd discussed this," said Olivia, sitting down and pulling Caitlin onto her lap. "I love you and that's all that matters. We're a family. Some families have a mommy and a daddy and some families just have a mommy or just have a daddy. Some families don't have a mommy or a daddy. They have grandparents or aunts and uncles or other relatives. We can be a family the two of us."

Caitlin sighed and leaned against her mother. "I know. I love you, too. But my friends have mommies and daddies and they ask me where my daddy is and I told them he was Elliot. He's _almost _my daddy. He loves you and he loves me and we love him."

Olivia didn't know what to say. Her daughter was having a hard time missing her father and in her four-year-old mind, she'd created a scenario in which she did have a father and it was Elliot. It was her way of protecting herself. And she didn't know what to do.

"Well, honey, if your friends say that, you tell them what I told you. You say that some families have mommies and daddies, like theirs, and some families just have mommies or just daddies and some don't have mommies or daddies. And you tell them that your family is just you and your mommy. They'll understand."

Sounding like a teenager rather than the four-year-old she was, Caitlin sat up and began to cry. "But then I'm different. They don't like you if you're different. You don't understand!"

Olivia was overcome. She _did _understand what it was like to be different. She'd dealt with it all her life. She knew what it was like to be teased because of her family. She didn't want her daughter to go through that. She'd gone all her life without having any friends – that it, until Alex and Elliot. She'd thought things were going to be better for Caitlin; Caitlin had made some friends. She was such a sweet, bubbly girl that kids and adults alike couldn't help but love her. Olivia hadn't been like that. She was always quiet, wary, distant, and so others kept their distance. It had been a mistake that ruined her childhood.

"I know, sweetheart," said Olivia, planting a kiss on her daughter's forehead. "Can I tell you something?"

Caitlin nodded, wrapping her arms around her mother's neck and looking into Olivia's eyes.

"When I was little, I didn't have very many friends. My daddy was just like your daddy. He was a bad man and I never met him. And your grandma – my mommy – had . . . problems. Sometimes she wasn't very nice to me. And the kids in my class knew about it and they teased me. Kids can be cruel, Catie, but real friends will never tease you about things like that. If they can't accept you for who you are, Cate, they aren't worth your time."

"Did you _ever_ have any friends?" asked Caitlin.

Olivia paused, debating whether or not to tell her daughter the truth. "Yes."

"Who?"

"When I started high school, I met Elliot. He was the best friend – the _only _friend – I ever had. He accepted me for who I was. He didn't care about my mom or my dad. He just cared about me and that was the important thing."

Caitlin stared at her mother. "He loved you."

Olivia felt tears rushing to her eyes and blinked them away. "That's right. He did." She watched her daughter, who was sitting perfectly still and staring right into Olivia's eyes. She snapped out of her reminiscing and continued, "My point is, you tell your friends the truth and if they're your real friends, they won't care."

"But what if they do?" she wailed. "I don't want to be alone."

"They won't," said Olivia, although she honestly wasn't sure. "Just tell them what I told you about families and they'll understand."

"Promise?"

Olivia took Caitlin's hands in her own. "I promise."

Caitlin sighed and leaned against Olivia. She gave her mother a kiss on the cheek and inhaled deeply. "I love you, Mommy."

Olivia rested her chin on her daughter's head and stroked her arm gently. "I love you, too."


	55. Chapter 55

The next day was Monday. Elliot wanted to stay with Olivia, but she refused. "Go to work, El," she ordered him. "I'll be fine."

"Do you want me to drop Catie off at school?"

Olivia hesitated. "All right." She turned to her daughter. "Caitlin, Elliot's taking you to school today. Remember what I said, honey."

Caitlin took Elliot's hand and followed him out the door. Olivia sank back into the pillows she'd put on the couch. She closed her eyes and tried to push Justin Granger from her mind. She feared she'd never forget him.

* * *

A few hours later, she heard a knock on her door. Olivia's heart raced but she tried to calm herself. Justin was dead. He could never hurt her again.

"Who is it?" she called out.

"It's me," Alex called back. "Can I come in?"

Olivia unlocked the door. "Hey, Alex."

"Hey, Liv. How are you holding up?"

She sighed. "I'm okay."

The two women sat down on the couch.

"Do you want a glass of water or something?" asked Alex.

Olivia laughed. "Alex, this is my apartment. If I want something to drink, I'll go get it."

Alex shrugged. "How's Caitlin doing?"

She sighed. "She's having some problems."

"Oh. Do you want to talk about it?"

"It's just – Elliot."

"What about him?"

"She wants him to be her father. She misses him – no, she doesn't. She misses having one. She _wants_ to have one. She's trying to compensate – like I did. I'm worried about her. I don't want her to get hurt. She wants Elliot to live with us and be her father."

"He _does _love you. And you love him."

"Alex!" cried Olivia in frustration. "I don't!" She took a deep breath to calm herself. "I do. I can't. I don't want to."

"Okay, fine. What about Catie?"

"Some of her friends are giving her a hard time at school – about not having a father. It just made me remember back to when I was a child. I had no friends for _years_. And even then, it didn't last. I don't want her to go through what I went through."

"Did you talk to her?"

Olivia nodded.

"It's good that she trusts you enough to come to you," commented Alex. "What did you tell her?"

"I explained to her about families – how some families have a mother and a father and some have just one parent and some kids live with their grandparents or other relatives. I told her to tell that to her friends and if they were her true friends, they'd understand."

"You did well, Liv. Do you think it will help?"

Olivia sighed. "I don't know. But we can hope."


	56. Chapter 56

"Mommy!" called Caitlin, bounding into the family room. "We're home!"

"Hey, Liv," said Elliot. Noticing Alex, he added, "Hey, Alex."

Olivia moved over to make room for her daughter. "Hi, baby. How was school?"

She smiled radiantly. "Good. I told Sharon and Sarah and Lena what you said."

Olivia held her breath. "And?"

"They're still my friends. Lena said I was lucky to have a mommy like you. Her mommy sometimes isn't so nice to her."

Olivia was so relieved that things had turned out for her daughter that she almost didn't ask the next, inevitable question. But the detective in her took over and, putting her arm around Caitlin and pulling her close, she said, "Catie, what does Lena's mommy do to her?"

Caitlin hesitated. "Lena wanted to tell you. She said you could help her. But she didn't tell me."

"Does she want to talk to me?" asked Olivia.

Caitlin nodded. "Yeah. Remember when we had career day and everybody's parents came in to talk? And you said you were a police officer and your job is to help kids when bad things happen to them. And Lena told me that I was lucky 'cause you help people and her mommy sometimes does bad things to her – and lets other people do bad things to her. She asked me if you could help her and I said you could."

"What kind of bad things?"

Caitlin shrugged. "I dunno. Why don't you ask her?"

Olivia sighed. "I will. Thanks for telling me this, Catie."

She tried to remember what she knew about Lena. She'd seen the little girl two or three times before – the first thing that came to mind was that Lena was very _blonde_. She tried to remember if she'd ever seen any suspicious bruises on the child, but she couldn't remember. She vaguely remembered Caitlin saying goodbye to her friend one day and noticing her black eye. That had sent up a red flag and Olivia asked Caitlin about it. She couldn't remember what her daughter had said – something about getting into a fight with one of the boys who liked to chase them at recess. Olivia had believed her and dismissed it as a normal childhood accident. She hadn't thought anything else about the incident.

"Mommy, are you going to help Lena?"

Olivia put her arm around her daughter. "Yeah, baby, I am."

"And her mommy won't hurt her anymore?"

"No, she won't. Your friend's going to be fine, Caitlin. I'll talk to her at school, tomorrow, okay?"

Caitlin snuggled up next to her mother. "Okay." She turned to Alex and Elliot, who were sitting on the couch, watching silently. "Can Alex and Elliot stay for dinner?"

Olivia smiled at how easily Caitlin changed from one subject to another. "Why don't you ask them?"

Caitlin looked at Alex. "Alex, will you stay for dinner?"

Alex smiled. "Sure."

She looked at Elliot. "Elliot, will you stay for dinner?"

Elliot glanced at Olivia. "Is that okay?"

Olivia inclined her head, a gesture that didn't go unnoticed by Alex. "How's this?" said Alex slyly. "Catie and I will make dinner and we'll give you two some time to yourselves."

Olivia shook her head. "Alex, you are incorrigible."

Alex grinned and held her hand out to Caitlin. "Come on, Caitlin. Do you want to make carrot soufflé?" It was the dish Alex made best and one that Caitlin could easily help with.

Caitlin nodded. She jumped up and took Alex's hand, following her to the kitchen.

Olivia and Elliot exchanged amused glances. "Do you get the feeling we're being set up?" asked Olivia.

Elliot shrugged. "I don't mind. Do you?"

Olivia laughed. "I mind when my four-year-old plays matchmaker and my best friend encourages it."

Elliot smiled and changed the subject. "So what do you make of Caitlin's friend?"

She shrugged. "I don't know her that well. I only met her a couple times."

"I'll come with you tomorrow," offered Elliot. "Is this going to be an SVU case?"

"You're getting ahead of yourself, El. It's not a case yet. We're just going to talk."

"I don't think Catie would lie about this," said Elliot, surprised.

"No, of course not. It just depends what 'bad things' means. The kid is four – no, actually, she's five. She's three months older than Caitlin. Anyway, five-year-olds sometimes don't exactly know what 'being mean' is. 'Being mean' could be beating the heck out of her or it could be giving her a time out, taking away her doll, not letting her have dessert . . . you see what I mean. You have kids, El; you know how they are. I can't count how many times I gave Caitlin a time-out and she pulled a fit and said she hated me."

Elliot raised his eyebrows. "Wow, you have one precocious kid. I didn't hear that until they were at least eight."

"To be fair, she always apologizes and says she loves me after."

Elliot laughed. "Now that really _is_ precocious. You have one mature four-year-old."

Olivia smiled. "We're close. I, unlike you, instill good values in my children."

He rolled his eyes. "Okay, Liv. Truce."

Caitlin skipped into the room and tugged on Olivia's hand. "Mommy, dinner!"

Olivia and Elliot sat down at the kitchen table. Alex handed each of them a plate.

Elliot took a bite. "This is really good, Catie," he said.

"What about me?" asked Alex, pretending to be hurt.

He rolled his eyes. "This is really good, Alex."

Caitlin giggled.

When they finished eating, Olivia said, "Thank you for dinner, Caitlin. Thank you for dinner, _Alex_."

Alex laughed.

"You guys made dinner; I'll clean up," Olivia said. "Catie, why don't you go show Alex and Elliot the new outfit we made for Samantha?" The other day, Olivia had helped her daughter sew pajamas for her doll. They'd taken apart an old pillowcase to put it together.

Caitlin nodded and took Alex's hand. "Come on, Alex. Come on, Elliot. I wanna show you Sammie's new PJs."

They followed the little girl to her room as Olivia started to clear the table. She could hear her little girl chattering to her friends. "I did the bottoms and Mommy did most of the top. I tried to cut it straight but on the sleeves I accidentally zigzagged. And look, we put Velcro on so it stays. Mommy went out to buy some pink Velcro so it matches. Isn't Sammie pretty?"

"Very pretty," agreed Alex.

"See, Mommy helped me do Samantha's hair. We braided it so it's all pretty. 'Cept, you know what happens when we take it out? It looks all curly. Isn't that silly? Mommy bought me a book that shows us how to do different hairstyles for Sammie. I do it for Samantha's hair and Mommy does mine so we're twins. Mommy helped me make jeans and a t-shirt for Sammie so we match and we can have our hair the same, too."

Olivia smiled at her daughter's ease with adults. She was never shy; always chattering about school, her doll, Disney princesses, etc. She never failed to amaze her mother. Olivia hadn't known she could ever love someone as much as she loved her daughter.


	57. Chapter 57

The next morning, Elliot and Olivia dropped Caitlin off at school. Ms. Riley greeted them warmly. "It's good to see you again, Ms. Benson. I'm glad Caitlin's back."

Olivia smiled at Ms. Riley, then knelt down to give her daughter a hug. "Catie, will you go get Lena?"

Caitlin nodded and ran to find her friend.

Olivia turned to Ms. Riley. "I have a favor to ask. Can I talk to Lena for a little bit?"

"Sure. Is something wrong?"

Olivia gave her a wan smile. "That's what we're trying to find out."

Caitlin returned with Lena, who was biting her nails nervously. Olivia gave her a once-over, noticing a fading bruise on the little girl's cheek, feeling a twinge of sadness at the fact that she knew exactly where to look for a bruise and could recognize abuse from a mile away. She glanced at Elliot. He'd noticed it, too.

Olivia knelt down in front of Lena. "Hey, Lena. Do you remember me? I'm Caitlin's mommy. My name's Olivia and this is my partner, Elliot. We're here to help you."

Lena shrank away from Elliot and looked up at Olivia through frightened eyes.

"Sweetie, let's go into the staff room, okay? We're going to have a talk."

Olivia held out her hand to the little girl, who reluctantly took it. The detectives led her into the staff room and sat down at the table, across from Lena.

"Lena, Caitlin told me that sometimes your mommy does bad things to you," said Olivia. As Lena nodded, she continued, "What kind of bad things does she do?"

Lena shifted uncomfortably and ran a hand through her blonde hair. "If I tell you, can you help me? Mommy said she'd hurt me if I told. Can you keep me safe?"

Olivia nodded and took the little girl's hands in her own. "Yes, honey. We're going to keep you safe. That's why we're here."

Lena nodded. She hesitated, then said, "Mommy has men over sometimes."

Olivia nodded encouragingly. "Do these men do anything bad to you?"

Lena looked at the ground. "Mommy sends them into my room and lets them touch me. They give her money."

Olivia took a deep breath. "Where do they touch you?"

"They touch my pee-pee," whispered Lena. "It hurts but Mommy says it's my job. She says if I don't do it then we won't have any money and she won't be able to take care of me anymore. And sometimes if I cry, she hits me."

Olivia sighed. "Lena, did you tell anybody else about this?"

Lena shook her head. "Mommy said if I told she'd hurt me and then she'd have to give me to someone else because we'd have no money."

"Honey, you know that what they do to you is wrong. It's not your fault," Olivia whispered.

"I know."

"You're not safe with your mommy, Lena. Sometimes when kids have parents who hurt them, we need to take them and put them in a safe place where no one will hurt them anymore. We're going to take you with another family who will take care of you until we can find a permanent place for you to stay, okay?"

Lena nodded. "Will Mommy be angry?"

Olivia got up and walked over to the little girl. She knelt down in front of her. "No one's ever going to hurt you again, sweetheart. We're going to help you. We're going to keep you safe."

Lena took a deep breath. "Thank you, Olivia. Caitlin said you were really good at helping people. She was right."

Olivia felt tears rushing to her eyes and blinked them back. She reached out and wrapped her arms around this little girl, who reminded her so much of her own daughter. All the child victims did. That was what made her such a good detective. She would fight for justice until she got it.

Lena rested her head on Olivia's shoulder and began to cry. Her own mother had never held her or hugged her or even touched her in a comforting or kind way.

Olivia stroked the little girl's hair, whispering, "It's going to be okay, sweetheart. It's going to be okay."

Elliot watched the two of them, letting them have their moment. He'd been silent for this entire ordeal, realizing that this was something Olivia needed to do by herself. Lena wasn't going to feel comfortable with a man. All the men she'd come into contact with had hurt her.

"Elliot," said Olivia, still holding Lena. "Call Munch and Fin. Have them pick up her mother. See if they can get her to talk."

Elliot nodded and stepped outside to make the call.

Lena looked at Olivia through wet blue eyes. "Am I going to get into trouble?"

"No, sweetie, you're not. You're not going to get into any trouble. We're going to take good care of you."

Olivia and Lena both looked up when they heard a knock on the door. Caitlin was standing in the doorway.

"Hey, Catie," said Olivia. "What's up?"

"Lena's mommy is here. Ms. Riley told me to go get her."

Lena's eyes widened and Olivia could feel her body tense. "It's okay, Lena," whispered Olivia. "You're not going home with her. We're going to protect you."

"Can Lena come home with us?" asked Caitlin.

Olivia thought about it. Lena was her daughter's friend. They'd like to have a sleepover. Caitlin hadn't had one in a while. "Would you like that, Lena?" she asked Lena.

Lena nodded, wiping tears from her eyes. "Can – can I?"

"Of course. Until we find a better place for you."

Lena gave her a small smile. "That would be good."

Olivia smiled back. "It would be. Catie, you take Lena back to class. I'm going down to the office to straighten this out with your mother, Lena. She's not going to hurt you ever again."

Caitlin held her hand out to her friend and Olivia couldn't help but smile. Her daughter was acting just like her, comforting a victim in just the right way. She watched the girls return to class.

"Come on, El," she fumed. "The mother's here. Let's go give her a piece of our minds."

Elliot hurried to keep pace with his partner as she hurried to the office. "Whoa, Liv. What's going on?"

"We're arresting her," Olivia told him through gritted teeth. "For endangering the welfare of a child and aggravated child abuse."

Elliot raised his eyebrows. "Don't you think you're reaching a bit on that last one?"

She whirled around to face him and snapped, "No, I'm not. Did you see the look on that little girl's _face_?"

Elliot had the good sense not to say anything else as Olivia burst into the office. "Where's Lena's mother?"

A woman stepped forward. "I'm Lena's mother. Where is she?"

Olivia took out her badge and held it out to the woman. "I'm Detective Olivia Benson and this is my partner, Detective Stabler."

"Where's my daughter?"

Olivia clenched her fists. "You're not going to be seeing her for a very, very long time. Hold out your hands."

"What?"

Olivia gritted her teeth. "_Hold out your hands_."

The woman reluctantly did as she was told and Olivia slapped handcuffs on her, feeling a sense of satisfaction that she was going to lock up such scum. "Mrs. Grayson, you are under arrest for aggravated sexual abuse and endangering the welfare of a child. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law . . ."


	58. Chapter 58

Olivia sat down across from Lena's mother in an interrogation room at the precinct. "So," she began. "Where do we start? Do you want to tell me why you're pimping your daughter out? Or would you prefer to tell me who you're pimping her out to? Or do you want to tell me how you've managed to get away with it?"

The woman smiled smugly. "I plead the fifth."

"No, you don't," Olivia snapped. "You are going to give me names or else you are going to prison for a long, long time. Right now, the blame is all on you. If you tell me who else is hurting Lena, we can cut you a deal. So start talking."

Mrs. Grayson seemed to be considering this. "What's going to happen to Lena?"

"That doesn't concern you," growled Olivia.

"Yes, it does," replied the woman calmly. "She's my daughter."

Olivia could feel her heart rate elevate. Mrs. Grayson was reminding her of her own mother, too much, and she refused to put another child through what she'd been through herself. She had been abused and violated in every possible way – physically, emotionally, sexually, and mentally. She was going to help Lena Grayson if it killed her.

"You are looking at twenty-five years in prison, Mrs. Grayson. I would like nothing more than to lock you up for that entire time. This is your choice."

Lena's mother paused. "I get a deal if I talk?"

Against her better judgment, Olivia nodded. "I'll go get our ADA."

* * *

Alex sat down next to Olivia, adjusting her glasses and clasping her hands in front of her. She only uttered one word. "Names."

Mrs. Grayson looked at Alex. "Brian Wilson. Daniel Hart. David Jolson. Andrew White. Is that enough?"

Alex raised her eyebrows. "Is that all?"

"There's more," said Mrs. Grayson, curling her lips upward.

Alex threw her a pen and a piece of paper. "Write," she growled. "All of them." She turned to Olivia and murmured, "That poor child."

* * *

Mrs. Grayson came up with a list of an impressive thirty-two names.

Alex snatched the paper from her. "All of these men have violated your five-year-old daughter?"

Mrs. Grayson nodded casually. "Well, these are the ones whose names I remember. There are probably more."

Alex raised an eyebrow. "And you don't see any problem with that?"

Lena's mother shrugged. "I did what I had to do."

The ADA leaned in close. "Who _are _these men?"

Mrs. Grayson smiled placatingly. "Lena's clients."

"Lena doesn't have _clients_," snapped Olivia, clenching her fists. "Lena is a five-year-old girl who's been abused and violated and exploited all her life, by you, by these men, by everyone. You are never going to see her again."

"That's not your call to make."

"No," cut in Alex. "It's mine."

"What about the deal?"

"You're not getting one," Alex spat.

"You said if I gave you names –"

"I lied," said Alex, seeming quite pleased with herself.

"You can't do that!"

Alex smirked. "Watch me." She turned to Olivia. "Lock her up. We're done here."

* * *

Alex found Olivia puking her guts up in the washroom ten minutes later. "You okay, Liv?"

Olivia raised her tear streaked face. "No, I'm not, Alex. I knew it was bad, but I didn't know it was _this _bad. Thirty-two different men raping this poor little girl. _Thirty-two._ And there are probably more that we just don't know about. How could anyone be so evil?"

"We've seen a lot of these evil bastards," commented Alex.

Olivia shook her head. "This is different. This is my daughter's friend."


	59. Chapter 59

Olivia was there at 3:00 to pick up Caitlin and Lena. Elliot was working late. He said he'd be home before dinner.

"Mommy!" said Caitlin, running into her mother's arms.

Olivia knelt down and patted her daughter's head. "Hey, sweetie. How was school?"

Caitlin didn't say anything. Instead she turned to Lena. "Come on, Lena. It's okay."

Olivia smiled at the comforting maturity in her daughter's voice. She could easily be a detective like Olivia, even though she would never push her daughter in that direction.

Lena reluctantly walked over to Olivia. "Hi, Olivia."

"Hey, honey," she said, releasing Caitlin.

"Olivia," said Lena. "Where's my mommy?"

"She's with us at the police station," replied Olivia. "She's not coming anywhere near you, sweetheart. You're safe."

Lena let out a deep breath. She looked so desolate that Olivia held out her arms and lifted Lena up. The little girl buried her head into Olivia's shoulder, sighing as if she'd just released the weight of the world from her shoulders.

Olivia shouldered her daughter's backpack and held her hand out to a somber Caitlin, who followed her out to the car and jumped into the backseat. Olivia gently unwrapped Lena's arms from her neck and set her down next to Caitlin. She buckled the silent little girl into the car and climbed into the driver's seat.

When they reached the apartment building, Olivia glanced toward the back seat where she noticed Lena was fast asleep. She lifted the sleeping child into her arms and took Caitlin by the hand as they walked up to the apartment. "Catie," she whispered. "Can I put Lena in your room?"

Caitlin nodded. "Yeah. Can we bake some cookies while Lena's sleeping?"

Olivia smiled. "Sure."

She carried Lena into Caitlin's room and laid her gently on the bed, covering her with the comforter. She watched the little girl sleeping so peacefully that her heart almost broke. She quietly closed the door and went back out to the kitchen. "Do you want to bake some cookies, Cate?"

Caitlin opened the cupboard and took out some chocolate chips. "Mommy, what happened to Lena? Did her mommy hurt her?"

Olivia sighed and patted her daughter's head. "It's complicated, Cate."

Caitlin sighed deeply. "Will she be okay?"

"Yes, honey. She's going to be just fine."

They both looked up at the sound of a piercing scream.

"You stay here, Catie," ordered Olivia.

She raced to Caitlin's room and knelt down next to Lena. She shook the little girl gently awake. "Lena, baby, it's okay. Lena, Lena, wake up, honey."

Lena woke up, staring at Olivia through round, glassy eyes. Olivia could tell that the little girl didn't recognize her so she reached out and put her hand on Lena's arm.

"Lena, it's okay, honey. It's just me, it's Olivia, remember?"

"Where am I?" whispered Lena.

"You're in Caitlin's room, remember, honey? You're staying with us tonight."

Lena began to cry. "I'm sorry, Olivia."

She reached her arms out and Olivia hugged her, lifting the little girl into her arms. She smoothed Lena's hair. "It's okay, baby," she murmured. "It's okay."

Lena relaxed in Olivia's embrace. She closed her eyes as Olivia rocked her back and forth.

"Mommy?" Caitlin called from the doorway. She climbed up onto her bed. "Hi, Lena."

Lena managed a small smile. "Hi, Caitlin. You have a really nice room."

Caitlin smiled back and sat down on the floor. "Do you want to see my dolly?"

Lena nodded and let go of Olivia. "Sure." She climbed off the bed and sat down next to Caitlin on the floor.

Olivia watched as Caitlin introduced her to Samantha. "Mommy and I made her a bunch of outfits. She has a pink party dress, pajamas, a nightgown, jeans, a sweatshirt . . . even a Halloween costume!"

Lena's eyes grew wide as she saw the doll. "Can – can I hold her?" she whispered as if this would be the greatest gift in the entire world.

Caitlin nodded and handed Samantha to her friend. Lena smiled radiantly as she cradled the doll in her arms as if it was made of delicate glass.

"Isn't she beautiful?" said Caitlin.

Lena smiled blissfully. "She's the prettiest doll I've ever seen."

"Don't you have any dolls?"

Lena shook her head. "Not any real ones."

"You have not real ones?"

"I know how to make them."

"Cool! Can you show me?"

"I can show you how to make sock dolls," offered Lena.

"Sure."

Olivia watched the girls create their own sock dolls, the cookie baking temporarily forgotten. She smiled at their play and how well they got along.

She heard a knock on the door an went to unlock it. "Hey," Elliot called.

Caitlin ran out of her room and into Elliot's arms. "Hi, Elliot!"

Elliot lifted her up and hugged her. "Hey, sweetie. How was your day?"

Olivia was torn between happiness and disapproval at her daughter's closeness with Elliot. It was only going to make this harder in the end.

Lena crept out of the bedroom, still holding the doll in her arms. "Hi," she said shyly.

Elliot put Caitlin down and smiled at Lena. "Hey, Lena."

She shrank back from Elliot and clutched the doll tighter. She was still afraid, but she was holding herself together.

Caitlin grabbed Elliot's hand. "Elliot! Come play with us!"

Lena looked uncomfortable, so Elliot decided to make sure. "Is that okay, Lena?"

She thought about it, then nodded. "Okay," she whispered.

Elliot smiled as Caitlin pulled him toward her room.

"I'm going to start dinner," called Olivia. "Is spaghetti okay?"

"Sure," Caitlin called back.

Olivia started dinner while Elliot entertained the children. Lena seemed to be getting more comfortable with Elliot, which she was glad of.

"Dinner!" she called half an hour later.

Caitlin scampered into the kitchen with Lena and Elliot trailing behind. They sat down at the table and Olivia handed each of them a plate.

Lena wolfed down her spaghetti as if she hadn't eaten for a week – which, thought Olivia, she probably hadn't. Or at least, not much.

"Do you want some more spaghetti?" asked Olivia with a small smile.

Lena hesitated. "Can I?"

Olivia scraped some more spaghetti onto her plate.

"Thank you, Olivia," whispered Lena.

Elliot glanced at Olivia and she could tell that he was thinking the same thing she was. They were both remembering Olivia when she had first come to Elliot's house and how amazed she'd been – when Mrs. Stabler had taken her shopping for clothes, when she'd been allowed to have as much as she wanted at mealtimes, when Elliot was there to comfort her, just as Caitlin was doing for Lena. It was different; they were much younger, much more innocent; yet it was the same.


	60. Chapter 60

Alex came over for dinner the next day. Lena crawled under the table when the doorbell rang, clearly frightened that her mother or one of the men who had hurt her would be at the door.

"It's okay, honey," said Olivia, lifting the little girl onto her hip. "It's just my friend Alex. Come meet her."

Lena buried her head in Olivia's shoulder as the detective unlocked the door. "Hey, Alex."

"Hey, Olivia. Who's this?"

"This is Lena."

Alex smiled. "Hey, Lena. It's nice to meet you."

Caitlin came bounding down the hallway, Elliot following behind. She ran into Alex's arms. "Alex! I missed you. This is my friend, Lena, and she's staying with us."

"I know. Are you having a good time together?"

They both nodded, Caitlin enthusiastically and Lena shyly.

Alex held out her arms for Lena and Olivia handed her the little girl. "Do you know how to play checkers, Lena?" she asked.

Lena shook her head. "What's that?"

"How about I teach you?"

Lena smiled timidly. "That would be good."

"Catie," said Alex, shifting Lena to her other hip. "Why don't you go help your mommy make dinner? I'm going to spend a few minutes with Lena."

Olivia looked after them, wondering what Alex was up to. She usually didn't get so close so quickly, even to kids. She probably just wanted Lena to talk to her about the men. That made Olivia angry. Didn't she realize that this was a social visit? She was here as a friend, not a prosecutor.

"Come on, Caitlin," she said distractedly. "Let's make chicken. You can help with the salad."

* * *

"Dinner!" called Olivia an hour later. "Catie, go get Elliot." She went to go find Alex and Lena.

She found them in Caitlin's room. Alex was lying on the bed, her arm around Lena, reading her a story. _"You'll get mixed up, of course, as you already know. You'll get mixed up with many strange birds as you go. So be sure when you step. Step with care and great tact and remember that Life's a Great Balancing Act. Just never forget to be dexterous and deft. And never mix up your right foot with your left."_

Olivia smiled as she stood in the doorway, glad Alex wasn't bombarding the little girl with questions about her past. "Dinner, Alex, Lena."

Alex raised a finger. "Just a second." She finished the story._ "Kid, you'll move mountains! So . . . be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray or Mordecai Ali Van Allen O'Shea, you're off to Great Places! Today is your day! Your mountain is waiting. So get on your way!" _She closed the book and smiled at Lena. "Was that a good story?"

Lena snuggled up close to the ADA and nodded.

"Hey, it's dinnertime, Lena," said Olivia. "You guys can finish reading or whatever you were doing after dinner."

Lena wrapped her arms around Alex's neck and let the ADA carry her into the kitchen. She sat down on Alex's lap, not wanting to let go.

Alex smiled. "Sweetie, you sit next to me, okay? I can't eat with you sitting on me."

Lena giggled and perched on the chair between Alex and Caitlin. She took a bite of salad. "This is good."

"I made it," said Caitlin proudly.

Lena smiled at her. "Yummy."

They finished eating and Olivia volunteered to clear the table. Elliot offered to help.

"Alex, will you watch a movie with me?" asked Caitlin, tugging on her sleeve.

"Sure, Catie. What do you want to watch?"

"I don't know. What do you wanna watch, Lena?"

Lena gave her a shy smile. "Do you have any princess movies?"

Caitlin nodded. "We have Ariel, Jasmine, _Beauty and the Beast_, _Sleeping Beauty_, and _Mulsn_, even though she's not really a princess."

"Can we watch _Aladdin_?"

"Sure," replied Caitlin, popping the movie into the DVD player.

Three of them curled up on the couch, Caitlin cradling her doll and Alex cradling Lena.

* * *

Olivia asked her about it the next day at work. "Alex, what was up with you and Lena last night?"

Alex laughed. "She's a sweet girl. She's been through more than any child should ever have to deal with."

Olivia nodded. "I know."

"Can I come over again tomorrow?"

"You missed me that much?"

"Don't flatter yourself, Liv. I want too see the girls."

"In that case, sure."

* * *

Alex came over every night for the next week. She played with both girls and chatted with Elliot and Olivia, but she paid extra attention to Lena.

On Saturday, Alex brought Lena a gift.

She unwrapped it and threw her arms around Alex in pure joy, her eyes wide with awe. It was an American Girl doll, blonde land blue-eyed like Lena, and cradled the doll in her arms. "She's beautiful," she whispered. "Is she for me?"

Alex knelt down in front of her. "She's all yours, sweetheart."

Lena began to cry, kissing the doll's hair.

Alex put her arms around Lena. "What's the matter, Lena?"

The little girl looked up at Alex. "No one ever gave me something so pretty. I never had a doll before."

Alex felt tears rushing to her eyes and blinked them away at this simple beauty. "You do now."


	61. Chapter 61

Alex took Olivia aside at work on Monday. "Liv, I've been thinking?"

"About Lena?"

"Yes. About Lena." She smiled at Olivia. "Liv, I want to adopt her."

Olivia broke into a smile. "That would be wonderful, Alex! She'd love that."

Alex smiled. "_I'd_ love that."

"Did you talk to ACS about it?"

"Yes, actually. I got the paperwork done a few days ago. I want to tell her tonight. Can I come over?"

"Sure," said Olivia, still grinning.

* * *

That evening, Alex took Lena aside. "Sweetheart, I have a very important question to ask you."

Lena looked uneasy. "Did I do something bad?"

"No, Lena, nothing like that. I was wondering if you'd like to come live with me."

Lena held her breath. She clutched her doll tightly and looked into Alex's eyes. "For real?"

"Yes, Lena. For real."

"For how long?"

"Well, I was thinking forever. I could adopt you, Lena, and then you could stay with me for good."

Lena broke into a wide smile as if Alex had given her the world on a silver platter. "Really?"

"Really. Would you like that?"

Lena jumped into Alex's arms and burst into tears of happiness. "Yeah."


	62. Chapter 62

Elliot had spent the night at Olivia's apartment for the last two weeks. Nothing more was said about it until Elliot came home one day and said, "Liv, I need to talk to you."

She followed him into the family room. "What's wrong?"

He took a deep breath. "Kathy and I finalized the divorce."

She looked up sharply. "El, are you sure this is what you want?"

He nodded. "Yes, Liv. I'm sure."

Olivia sighed. "I can't do this, El." She turned away and started for the kitchen.

He grabbed her by the shoulder. "What can't you do, Liv? You're not taking me away from anything. You're not breaking up a family. You're not hurting anyone. Don't you want to be together?"

"Yes, Elliot. God, yes, I do. But I need some time."

"_Are_ we going to be together, Liv?"

She sighed. "Elliot, I –"

"Liv, if the answer is no then the answer is no. I just need to know what to tell Caitlin."

Olivia took a deep breath. "I'll have a talk with her about it tonight, okay?"

Elliot nodded. "Okay."

* * *

That night after Olivia gave Caitlin her bath, she said, "Catie, I have a very important question for you."

Caitlin laid her head on her pillow. "What happened?"

"It's about Elliot."

"Oh," said Caitlin knowingly. "Okay."

"Catie, how would you feel if Elliot moved in with us?"

"So he'd be my new daddy?"

Olivia hesitated. "Yes. Would you like that?"

Caitlin nodded enthusiastically and gave her mother a kiss on the cheek. "Took you long enough to ask."

**THE END**


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